Wednesday I spent the day visiting with my sister Maria. She is one of the few people I’ve ever known whom I can spend hours with, never tire of, and still part ways from with plenty left to say.

Between us, we have five kids, her three, and my two. Even though the age difference between the cousins should matter, hers are 7, 4, and 1 and mine are 14 and 11, they all get along very well.

Her oldest, Evan, has asperger’s syndrome. I noticed something was different about his behavior a few years ago, but I waited for her to feel comfortable sharing his diagnosis with me, which she did last year. After she told me I held her as she cried, because sometimes there are no words, and that seemed like one of those times.

Yesterday Evan was the first to greet us as we knocked on the door, informing us that we hadn’t done the right knock. He wanted dut dutta dut dut, (pause) dut dut. Seeing the worried look on his face I suggested we go outside and try again. He closed the door on us, I did the knock he was looking for, and we entered. This time he had a big smile on his face. He took me by the hand, motioned for my kids to follow, and led us on a tour of the things to do in his house. On the TV he had taped an index card that read “Watch Movie”. On the erector set in his bedroom he had taped an index card that read “Build”. On the blender in the kitchen he had taped a card that read “Cook” and on the pool in the backyard was yet another card, this one reading “Swim”.

My sister looked a little embarrassed as she told him that he couldn’t tell us, his guests, how to spend our day there. He said he wanted us to have choices and I told him that it was a wonderful thing to have so many. Nathan headed off to Evan’s room to start on the “Build” part of the day. I seized the moment to snuggle Meghan, who’s 4, and Julian, who’s 1. Meghan wanted to pretend she was a newborn, so I held her in my arms and rocked her. Happy after some snuggles, she pulled Polly into her room to play dolls. I tried to snuggle Julian but he was more interested in running and climbing all over the house.

Maria and I made the kids lunch and laughed as we marveled over the fact that five different kids wanted their sandwiches made five different ways. Quite a difference from when we were growing up and you ate what was put before you and shut your mouth if you didn’t like it.

Over the course of nine hours we managed to take care of all of Evan’s to do cards, and then some. When it came time for us to do the “cook” card that was taped to the blender Evan made us all sit at the table while he whipped up his special recipe that consisted of Hershey’s syrup, milk, and vanilla ice cream. When I was served my glass his eager hazel eyes awaited my reaction. I declared it delicious and he nodded his head solemnly, “I know”, he said, “When I get older I am going to open up my own restaurant.” I told him that I had spent several years working as a pastry chef and offered to work for him, baking up goodies for his customers. He scrunched up his face for a moment and said, “Aunty Tammy, I am not impressed.” I almost burst out laughing until he added, “I am not impressed because I have never seen you do it. Maybe I would be if I saw it.”

Of course, he was right. How could he agree to hire me without proof of my skills?

Although Maria is filled with worries about his future both long term and short, as well as the fact he will be riding to and from school on the “little bus” this year surrounded by other children whose disabilities might be easier to see, I felt hope as I kissed each of them goodbye, promising Evan I’d do the right knock the first time the next time we came to visit.