My kids started school. They both seem to be okay although Polly had a cry this morning and begged me not to make her go. I was shocked; she’d had such a good day yesterday. I calmed her down in about thirty minutes and we headed for the bus. Carrying all of those school supplies on the bus wasn’t fun. Did I mention there was a bag of potting soil on that list too? I told her we were going to have to break up what we brought into a few trips. Finally, I am learning not to do too much!

Nate has mentioned that the manufacturing class he is taking is awesome because he gets to make screwdrivers and hammers and all sorts of other things. I am so happy, because I suggested that class and he didn’t believe he would like it and he was actually admitting he was wrong for once. Other than that he has been a touch moody but it takes him awhile to adjust his sleep schedule.

My Mom has left for Europe as of this morning. She signed power of attorney over to me in case any offers come in on her house. Her sale pending fell through and so she lost the house she loved so much in WA because it was contingent on her house closing. I feel sad for her but I have to believe the right thing will happen at the right time. Not that that has ever worked for me before but, shhhh. I’m trying to be positive for a change. Now I feel a pressure to have her house sold before she returns. Her realtor talks down to me, which pisses me off, but when he does it to my Mom it makes me want to wring his neck.

After my Mom works for 10 days in Poland (she is caring for a disabled boy there) she is going to meet up with her little sister who is flying over to Ireland from Australia .I hope they have a great time. My Mom has wanted to go to Ireland her whole life so this is a big deal. She asked me what I wanted and visions of all sorts of things danced in my head, rare for me. I came to my senses and said nothing and asked her to please take lots of photos.

This morning after taking Polly to school I was walking down the street feeling pretty good. I was proud of myself because I didn’t panic on the bus, and the fear of having a panic attack on the bus has been eating at me all summer. On the bus I read Newsweek and tried to smile at Polly and give her little reassuring pats on the hand because starting middle school is hard and she has to make new friends and kids that age group can be horribly mean. I sincerely hope that no one hurts her feelings because then I am going to get all Rebecca DeMornay in The Hand That Rocks the Cradle and I don’t want to start off on the wrong foot at this new school or anything.

What was I talking about? Oh, being proud of getting Polly to school without a panic attack. So I am walking down the sidewalk, thinking that maybe I’ll stop and buy myself a cup of coffee as a treat. I see this man sitting on the sidewalk in front of Starbucks. He is dirty and has the look of someone who has been homeless for many years. My heart jumps a little. You’d think it would get easier, seeing homeless hungry people all over this city, but some of them still make me almost burst into tears. When I was a teen I volunteered for an organization here in Portland that provided a spot where people could come in off the street and eat and have some coffee and just relax for awhile. Even though I didn’t get paid, that was my favorite job ever. I’ll write more about it later.

So I see this man up ahead and I am imagining buying him a cup of coffee, or a muffin or even a sandwich. I don’t like to give them money when they pan handle but I have been known to help people out for a bite to eat if I myself am doing financially okay. As I get right in front of him he opens his mouth and says, “Hey, I’ll give you 5 dollars American for a blow job!” I was surprised and I just kept walking. I felt a little sad because I had created this whole moment in my head as I approached and I thought it was going to be one of those moments where my heart feels all warm and fuzzy for a long time afterwards, Me with the full heart, him with the full stomach, but a blow job from me for $5? I don’t think so. I must be worth at least $50.