I haven’t discussed this here and I wasn’t sure if I was going to. My son Nathan is bipolar. He is being treated and he is on medication. Sometimes he is the most wonderful young man I could have ever dreamed for; kind, helpful, smart, funny, and empathetic and a pure joy to be around. Sometimes he spirals out of control. Last night was one of those nights. He had a manic episode, wouldn’t take his meds and his Dad and I couldn’t calm him down. I paged his doctor who told me to call 911. I didn’t. He wasn’t being violent with me, although he has been in the past, and I didn’t want my son being dragged off in handcuffs. It took me until 2 am so calm him down. At five am my Mom called me from Dublin to tell me that she is stuck in the airport and she couldn’t get a flight because her credit card was denied for some reason and she was out of money and wanted to come home right now. Of course her phone card was running out of minutes and so I got the information as quickly as I could and did the unthinkable. I hung up the phone and called my brother. Now I love my brother very much but we have had a strained relationship for many years. Part of the reason for this is the unsolicited advice he always offers, or the way he tells me I fucked up my life and that I’ve made so many stupid decisions. He calls it constructive criticism, I don’t know how it can be constructive if it’s not.

Anyway, I knew in an emergency he would probably be the best one to call because he is not only level headed he is smart enough to keep an emergency savings account. He was awake when I called, and rather calm. He did mutter, “How the hell did she manage that?” He wrote down all of the information and took care of it over the phone to the cost of too many Euros. But he didn’t complain. I guess that’s what family really is about. I haven’t spoken to him since Thanksgiving but when I needed him to help at 5 am on a Friday morning before he had to go to work he was there.

I called my sister Monica later to arrange a ride for my Mom from the airport because my brother has to work that day. She said that our Mom was like having a big 67 year old teenager and we both giggled at the thought. Truthfully the thought of my Mom sleeping in the airport freaks me out. I went to her bank to deposit money into her checking account and tried numerous times to call the airport to page her to tell her the money was there so she could at least get something to eat or even a room for the night but I was informed that there is no paging service at the Dublin airport.

I took Nate to his primary care physician for a check up and he spent from 12:45 to  2:10 talking with him. Part of the time I was in the room, part of the time he asked me to leave which is cool. He’s 14 now. The doctor suggested I send him to an alternative high school. I am going to have to think it over carefully. The truth is he’s off to a rough start. I have had numerous calls from teachers about his behavior in class and him acting dangerously around equipment in ways that could harm him or someone else. Or break a machine that costs tens of thousands of dollars. The teacher made sure to throw that in there. I thought he loved that manufacturing class. Hot metal and mania do not mix, just so you know.

My heart is broken. I know he’s sick and that he needs help but right now I don’t know exactly what to do. I guess I have to just keep being here for him. Tomorrow is another day.

Right now I am going to take a Tylenol and go lie down for awhile and let Alex watch the kids because I feel so burned out and on the brink of some sort of emotional breakdown. I know I am just tired and stressed and this too shall pass. Thanks for reading.