I have been a bit out of sorts lately. Yesterday I took Polly to her school to leave for Outdoor School for a week. The buses were an hour late and it rained. I held up pretty well until she got onto the bus and I stood there in the rain and we mouthed things back and forth to each other, “I love you” ,”Have fun” “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.” “Are you okay?”

As I stood there I started to cry but I thought I was keeping it together. I noticed that while a lot of the seats were packed with up to three kids no one sat next to Polly. I wished that they could have had Outdoor School in the spring, after she’s had a chance to make some friends. She never took her eyes off of me the whole time she waited for the bus to pull away. One of the Moms came over to where I stood and asked me, “Are you going to be okay?” I looked at her, confused. “Yes, I’m fine.” “Well I am a nurse. I just wanted to let you know. In case you need anything.”

God, I must have looked worse than I thought. I waved and blew kisses as the bus pulled away and cried most of the way home. Polly has never been away from me this many nights. Last night I skipped doing the dishes and went to bed early. This morning I got up and got Nathan off to school. When I entered the kitchen there were fruit flies everywhere. Where did they come from? As I washed the dishes I listened to the Billie Holiday CD my husband got for me, “Stormy Weather”.

I have loved her voice for so long I can’t even remember when my love for her music began. I felt better as I wiped the counters and swept the floor. The blues, cheering me up, go figure.