Alternative Titles:

1) Maybe if I spread this green stuff on my face and lie down the kids will leave me alone for five minutes.

2) My web cam takes even crappier photos than my cell phone, and that’s not easy.

3) Mom said that everywhere your mask cracks while it is drying you will get deep wrinkles. Was she right?

4) ” I thought what I’d do was, I’d pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes. That way I wouldn’t have to have any goddamn stupid useless conversation with anybody. If anybody wanted to tell me something, they’d have to write it on a piece of paper and shove it over to me. They’d get bored as hell doing that after a while, and then I’d be through with having conversations for the rest of my life.”- Holden Caulfield from “Catcher in the Rye” by J.D. Salinger

5) There is nothing wrong with your computer. Do not attempt to adjust the picture.

6) If I stare at this light for too long, will I go blind?

7) The Mask 3- “Actually Yes, My Mental Illness Is Contagious.”

I’m not convinced death and taxes are certain.