I had originally planned on starting this off with an explanation as to why I haven’t written but why?

I recently mentioned that we had decided to get a new fence. The old fence on the North side of our property was falling down and the wood was in extremely bad condition. After getting price quotes Alex and I decided to do a lot of the labor ourselves. Since I am not exactly as handy as he is, I took over the demolition. Prying off the fence boards was easy. Digging out the posts wasn’t. We only dug out the ones that had to be removed and decided to offset the new ones to save on labor. I wanted to do as much of this work as possible because I felt guilty knowing that the majority of the building of the new fence would fall on Alex. So I took the old fence down. As you can see from this photo, it was past time for this project.

There is something that I find extremely rewarding about physical labor. I like to see a job through from start to finish. I loaded the dumpster with Nathan and enlisted Polly to help with Maggie as she has grown extremely fond of me and whimpers when she can see me but not be near enough to satisfy her mommy love. Maggie, not Polly. I was worried that someone would step on a rusty nail but it was only me who managed to do that. I ended up needing some help from Alex with the removal of the posts because digging that concrete out was hellishly hard. Alex did seem happy that I did as much of the labor as I had and he explained that he hadn’t thought that I was going to do so much on my own.

After I had trimmed the shrubs and things that were blocking access to the property line I started cleaning up the mess and preparing to go inside for a warm shower. A neighbor came by and inquired as to what we were doing. I explained and she frowned at the dumpster. “Couldn’t you have used that wood for something else?”, she asked. “No”, I replied, “it was totally rotten and there were a lot of termites and ants in it.” “Well you could have burned it in your fireplace!” she said, all huffy and superior. I explained that we don’t have a fireplace. The chimney on the top of our house is for the furnace. “Well you could have given it to someone to burn!” she responded and Alex stepped in and told her that the wood couldn’t be burned because it was painted and then made sure to let her know in no uncertain terms that she was in our way.

I have never understood the inclination of people to approach others and mock their decision process regarding personal decisions.If that would could have been reused I would have done so.Even if I felt like throwing away perfectly good wood, what business is it of hers. There is so much intervention into our personal freedoms. After spending the years since my eighteenth birthday as a Democrat I have found myself more and more disenchanted with the two major political parties and more curious about libertarianism.

My Mom received short notice last week that not only was one of her nephews on his way from Sydney, Australia for a visit but that the foreign exchange student she hosted in 1987 was going to be here too and could she stay, please? My Mom has just recently taken possession of her new house and was in the middle of that after move chaos with the boxes and the where the fuck is anything hell. I probably would have had a breakdown at the thought of having two unexpected guests when I hadn’t even unpacked but my Mom took it all in stride, welcoming them both into her new home and having a large party at her place last Saturday. I was originally very nervous about this get together but I managed to attend with Nathan and Polly and we had the best time. This cousin of mine, Peter, is one that I have met a few times but never gotten to know well. It was wonderful to see him and I look forward to getting to know him better. The beautiful woman from Japan looked exactly as I remembered her when she was here at 16. Her English is still rusty, but way better than my Japanese. We talked quite a bit with the aid of a little dictionary and a pocket translator she typed into. She told me that when she was here before I had refused to allow her to take any photos of me. I don’t remember doing that but I tried to make up for it by allowing myself to be photographed by everyone and trying not to worry about my appearance. I always feel so ugly, so fat, so awkward. When I see other women who have scars or stretch marks or extra pounds it never occurs to me that they are unattractive. When I see these things in my own reflection I have a hard time not feeling ugly. I am not sure why this is.

This party on Saturday put the whole of our family together for the first time in ages. All nine of my mom’s grandchildren were there, ranging in age from 22 to 2, and all 4 of her children. I haven’t seen my brother in about a year. I am usually quite nervous around him. He brought his new girlfriend. She is one of those people who puts you at ease immediately and it felt really good to sit and talk with her. She asked about my recent decision not to have a hysterectomy (news travels fast in my family) and I explained my feelings that alternative methods of dealing with it hadn’t been tried and that I wanted to explore those options first. She recommended a Naturopathic physician she is friends with. It was nice to meet someone new. I later told my brother that I was so smitten with his girlfriend that he’d better watch out for I was tempted to take her home myself. He laughed and said that he had been friends with her for over twenty years and he agreed that yes, she is wonderful. It is nice to see him smile.

My kids are doing well in school. Polly has had the flu for the past couple of days so we’ve had her resting and drinking plenty of fluids. Nathan completed the testing that was required for his new school to assess his levels and he came home beaming when he did very well on every test. It’s interesting, I have told him many times how smart he is and how much potential he has. He has always brushed me off, stating that I had to say that because I am his Mom. Now a teacher he hardly knows tells him the same thing and viola!

Alex finished the fence and it looks beautiful. He also installed a gate so the backyard is more private and we don’t have to worry about the dog escaping. We cooked dinner on the grill last night and ate together as a family.

I am feeling pretty good. My doctor is weaning me onto Paxil now and I am very tired. I took a three hour nap yesterday (snuggled up with the puppy) and felt very guilty about it. It is hard for me to learn that it is OK to take care of myself. I’ve always been so busy taking care of everyone else.

The moon sends its love.