When I first wrote about Brett Reider here I had just seen the documentary BRETT KILLED MOM: A SISTER’S DIARY on HBO and I wanted to write about my feelings and also to encourage everyone to watch what I thought was a very important film. I wasn’t even thinking that other people, who were, like me, wondering what had happened to Brett, would be searching the internet and coming to my site for answers. I posted what I had been able to find out here. I was saddened by the site that stated that Brett had committed suicide. I wanted a happy ending for this young man. As much as I wanted to know the truth I never imagined that I would receive an email from Brett’s wife Sara. She had heard about my site from a friend and wrote to let me know that not only is Brett alive, he is married with two beautiful boys and another baby on the way.
I emailed her back expressing my gratitude for her taking the time to not only contact me, but for providing photos so that I could see for myself that Brett now has a beautiful wife and two darling little boys. I also asked her if she would mind if I wrote a little note on my site stating that Brett was OK. I promised not to use any of the photos and to respect their privacy as it was clear that they have moved on. To my surprise she kindly gave me permission to not only pass on the information but to post the photos as well.
In Sara’s own words (I will place them in italics to make it easier for you, the reader, to differentiate between her words and my own),
“Brett and I just celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary. He turned
30 this year. I am 37. We have two boys – Gavin (3) and Garrett (1). We
also have another (of unknown sex) on the way. Our oldest, Gavin was
diagnosed with Autism at 13 months old – so our lives revolve around
that. Parenting an autistic child is very challenging. Brett is a
wonderful father and Gavin has come along way because of all of the
time and attention Brett is able to give him.”
“Brett just lives a normal life. We moved from Nebraska to the coast of
North Carolina and he enjoys his anonymity. The documentary was filmed
when Brett was 16 years old – and they still air it now and again. We
did ask for them to put a written update at the end – but they never
responded and Brett has no rights or control over the program.”
“…we have received thousands of emails, letters and phone calls over the years
with horrific stories of abuse. Some similar to Brett’s – some much
worse. It really gets to be too much sometimes…because it is so sad
how common it is and can be very depressing. Brett also couldn’t
possibly respond to them all – which is why he doesn’t.”
“We are grateful to all of the people who have reached out to Brett over
the years – many of whom wrote the parole board and were critical to
his early release. We would like everyone to know this. We would also like for people to know that our focus now is on our son and advocating for Autism awareness. It truly
consumes our life.”
“We really aren’t hiding – we have just moved on and have so many other things to deal with now.
Hopefully, people searching from here on out will find your site and be
able to get the information they are seeking.”
Sara also let me know that Brett’s sister, “Alissa, is married and also has two boys aged 2 and 4″.
Sara also closed her email with a link to a website dedicated to autism http://www.generationrescue.org/
I myself have a nephew with autism and I have seen first hand the time and effort my sister and brother in law have put into making sure that their son lives the best life possible.
For me, this whole experience has been a lesson in hope and the ability of a person to not only survive horrifying abuse suffered at the hands of the ones who should ultimately protect us, our parents, but to rise above the idea that the cycle of abuse can’t be broken by going on to become wonderful spouses and parents.
My sincerest thanks to the Reider family for not only sharing this information and these photos with me, but also for allowing me to share them with the thousands of people who have been searching the internet to find out what happened to Brett Reider after his release from prison.
For those of you who have commented or emailed me with your stories of abuse please know that you are not alone. So many of us unfortunately share this common bond. If you are currently in an abusive situation don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you are out of the abusive situation but still finding it difficult to deal with the pain and/or the low self esteem that often follows there is help out there for you too. So many suffer in silence.
11/21/07 Edited to add that Brett’s wife Sara saw that people were curious about Brett’s current occupation, and she wrote me to say “Brett is a construction foreman who works on multi-million dollar projects.”
9/8/09 Edited to Add Brett and Sara’s personal family/business blog can be found at this site.
In Sara’s own words from the comments ,” We welcome all friendly, kind-hearted visitors. We also welcome relevant posts. Anything otherwise will be deleted… just an FYI!”
“I just want to clarify that if you would like to become friends with our family and discuss things that are currently important in our life, please visit and comment on our blog. If you would like to discuss Brett’s crime, this site would be the forum to do so.”
Please go there with kindness and respect.
' October 27th, 2007 at 02:28pm 404 comments
' October 27th, 2007 at 02:28pm 404 comments
I hope he is okay. I think it is a shame how everything played out for everyone. I can only wish him the best in life.
I saw the documentary on Brett that his sister made. I was saddened to hear that he may have committed suicide. I hope to God that is not true. If it is then his mother killed him, not the other way around. I hope HBO does a follow up. And the justice system stinks since that poor kid served 11 years as an adult. he should not have been convicted at all.
NO, NO … that site just has a misprint. I’m SURE they meant to write HOMICIDE and some idiot typed in SUICIDE by mistake. Since the it is a synopsis of the HBO docu., and he did not commit suicide in the doc., this is obviously a simple (but moronic) typo.
Best,
Tim
Oh, and totally agree — the justice system in this country it totally SCREWED-UP. The judge and the jurors should be ashamed of themselves — I wish upon them the living hell that was his for 15 years (time served!), and then a follow-up stay at the hotel-hell known as prison. Just a month or two for them, so the can see how much that was helping society keeping him in there. What a crock!
I, too, hope it is not true – that Brett Reider committed suicide. I had read somewhere else on the net that he had gotten married. I hope he is OK, raising a family and having a good life. Nobody deserves to grow up with that kind of abuse and craziness. He is lucky he had Alissa for a sister; someone who told his story, loved him unconditionally and gave him absolution. She is something, huh? I hope she is doing well also. I’m trying really hard not to judge the father, but it’s not easy to cut him any slack for letting that kind of abuse go on for so long. It’s a heartbreaking story. Pretty phenomenal that this happens in priviledged, educated, affluent middle America, but it does.
I just wanted to let you all know that Brett is alive and well and doing great. I am friends of his wife and they have two very handsome sons and Brett is a great and loving and calm dad.
There will not be a follow up, he is NOT interested in dragging this all up again. I had asked about it myself.
I cannot believe that the judge nor the jurors did not consider the 911 call for help during the trial. I hope that the cops who did the 911 investigation realized that they should be fired for their lack of judgment. And his so called friend who testified against him gets his karma. The best to Brett. Hope you will be able to forgive yourself.
I have watched that show about a hundred times and again this morning at 6:30. (I can’t sleep.) I understand his reasons for not wanting to drag it up again, the fact that he has a family and children, in a way I do not blame him. However, think of all of those children that go to bed at night and wonder if there really is life after the terror and abuse that they suffer at the hands of someone they love, someone that is supposed to love and protect them from the evil and pain in the world and be there no matter what. I think that it would be beneficial to him and others, if he had a website in which others could come and talk to him when they feel like they are the only ones to go through something like this.
I am a 26 year old survivor of an alcoholic and abusive father, a manic depressive mother (who couldn’t help herself so she had no way to help her children), and a sexually abusive brother. I endured years of this and cannot tell you how humiliated and ashamed I was. I didn’t date or anything in high school because I didn’t think that anyone would want me, or that they would think that I was disgusting and that I let it happen. After I met my husband and left home at the age of 18, I had no idea that it was happening to my sister and it got worse. I can never forgive myself for that. I would have found it incredibly helpful to have someone to talk to in all of the shit that followed in my life. I just think that it is something that should be given some serious thought. I know that I am not the only one and neither are you.
I am pleased that people have taken the time to comment on this subject. The general consensus seems to be that we wish him well and we were hoping to find out that he was alive and happy somewhere. If Heather’s comment is correct (and I so want to believe it) I feel much better knowing that he is married and enjoying his children.
A couple of people mention the flaws in the judicial system in this case. I agree wholeheartedly that the sentence handed down was wrong.
I do not feel that Brett should have to come forward and speak publicly about this. I can understand him wanting to move on with his life.
Like you Shelley, I was a victim of horrific abuse as a child. I deal with it in my own ways. I have made a choice to speak about it on a public journal, but that choice isn’t right for everyone.
I do wish however, that HBO would add a little message at the end of the documentary stating that Brett is out of prison, alive and well.
People really felt a connection to him after watching that documentary and I know myself I so badly wanted to hear that he was somewhere living his life as happily as he can.
Tim, I agree with you about the typo on that site. I am going to see if I can contact them and get them to fix it.
Thanks again to everyone.
Remember to not be afraid to ask for help if you are in an abusive situation. Go to as many people as you have to. And for those of us who are struggling to move on…I understand completely.
Tammy
I don’t blame Brett for wanting to live a quiet family life. God knows he’s earned it going through the hell he went through. I agree with Shelley that were he to come forward, it would certainly help people out in similar situations, but I don’t think that he’s morally obligated to do so. I absolutely respect his wishes and wish he and his family the very best.
I just got done watching the Brett Reider story…Very moving…I hope he is doing well, I’m saddened that he was not understood by the system. God bless to Alissa for being there for her brother and to Brett for speaking out against a true monster. I have tremendous respect for a man who will shelter his family.
I understand what he felt the helpless and hopeless feeling. Its one thing when you have a parent who is supposed to love and nurture you beating you up physically as well as emotionally, And all the time they are beating on you , you feel like well I can’t fight back I can’t hurt my mom I love her but then at some point it is like if I don’t I may not survive this and why doesn’t she love me enough to know how badly she is hurting me? But when all those horrible things get reinforced by the other parent either not protecting you or taking an active part in destroying your self esteem and you cry out for help by calling 911 or as in my case going to a shelter for teens and asking for help. All that happened in my case was they of course called my parents who came and did an excellent job of denial then of course I got beat up for the shame and embarrassment I had put them through and that my father had to take a day off of work! I hope Brett is living anonomously happy and at peace. My life is better my experience with toxic parents led me to making some very poor choices in my quest for love as I never really had a sense of what that was really supposed to feel like. Good luck to you Brett best wishes for a peaceful happy life.
Does anyone know where to find a copy of this documentary? I saw it for the first time last night. I’d like to watch it again and show it to some others in my life (HBO doesn’t look like they’re running it again anytime soon). Incredibly moving.
I just watched the documentary about Brett Reider. As a mother, I feel only empathy for Brett and his sister. But, I am totally disgusted by their so called “father”.
When his daughter asked why he never protected them, he responded that he would have lost everything, and their mother would have left him. BIG DEAL!! If my spouse, or anyone else, had been abusing my kids, I would have given my life to protect them. I hope Brett and his sister can put everything behind them and live wonderful lives.
I just watched the Brett Reider story and the story of the sister,I was very suprised to see the story of my life on TV. No my mother is stil alive but the rest of the story seemed to come out of the house I grew up in.I do not know what happen to Brett but i hope he is well and I hope he knows that God did forgive him . Alissa I hope you know that you are not alone in the guilt I know that you feel, I moved out when I was 17 and lift my little brother in a home where both parents were abusive to him and there is not a day that goes by that I do not regret doing more to help him…. Brett I hope you are well and God has forgiven you and I hope you have forgiven yourself …..
I hopped right on the internet after watching this on HBO to find out what has happened since. The first thing that I found out was that he only served 6 years in prison and that made me happy for him. The second thing I found out was that he may have commited suicide. I really hope that this is not the case. Hopefully I find out somewhere how he is and how he is doing. If anyone knows anything… that wouldbe great.
As I watched Brett & Alissa’s documentary for the first time tonight, I got on the internet and searched for him. I have never looked up any other story I’ve seen on tv. I can honestly say that I am deeply moved, and will never forget this story. I commend Alissa for taking the time & initiative and finding the love and understanding to make the documentary and just be the strong, wonderful, supportive sister she’s been. Within the first couple of comments, I read the one about Brett’s committing suicide, and I almost dropped to my knees and cried. As I read on faster and faster to find a rebut, I came across Heather’s response saying that she knows him & his family. I filled with hope to God that it is true. I wish he or Alissa would let us all know that he is alive and well. I can’t imagine what kind of people would have sentenced him to those years of more hell.
And to Brett: My heart goes out to you Brett, with the warmest wishes and prayers and apologies on behalf of whatever imbeciles were on the jury, knowing that even apologies from their own God forsaken mouths wouldn’t come close to be enough to compensate for that horrific pain you had to live through at home and then again trough in our “justice” system… My God. I have nothing but sympathy, admiration and pride for you. I hope to God that you are alive, happy, and well with a wonderful wife and family or whatever it is in life you desire. God Bless you all.
I also just watched the documentary, and quickly hopped online to find out what happened with him. It’s quite, I don’t know … impressive(?) how quickly one can go from front page news, to an absolute mystery. I was very happy to hear his was released after 6 years. It was 6 years too long, but much better then 11-20. I hope the previous poster was accurate, and that Brett alive and well, with a family of his own. I wish nothing but the best for both him and his sister.
Ooh, and I agree, HBO should have a little tag at the end of the documentary noting that Brett was released after 6 years, is a husband and a father, and doing well … or something to the effect. It would save a lot of search engine traffic, lol.
I’m like you all. I just hope he’s ok. I saw this documentary a couple of years ago and then happened upon it again last night. I’m also totally disgusted with the father. His lame excuses seem to me like a smack in the face to his son who was forced to take matters into his own young hands. I could go on for days… What a tragic story. He deserves a happy ending.
If you found the case of Brett Reider unjust – you might want to check out the case regarding Brandon Hein at http://www.brandonhein.com. Talk about injustice. There is also a documentary available from Choices that is shown frequently on the encore channel. It is a very sad, sad, case of injustice that is currently still winding its way along the justice system. Very sad, and devastating case.
Sadly, and at the cost of Brett’s mother’s life and his irriplacable childhood…where did our ’system’ fail. I too agree with the prior comments….for those who see/hear this story, don’t quit asking for help. I know that many people can relate. IF in fact there is a ’spouse abuse syndrom’ that experts\courts\jurors accept when a spouse kills the other….what happened for this child. I have a real difficult time not feeling that the father should be partially responsible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope that there is some information that lets us know Brett and his sister are well…that Brett can somehow become a better person because of this and still have a chance at a good life. Regardless, he still deserves it. What a sad, sad story.
I hope Heather’s comment is accurate, and if so, AMEN! Should have read more careflly before my previous comment…..all of the comments!! I just hope that Heather can let Brett and his family know how much they are thought of and that their privacy and peace are respected.
I am SO glad to read this! I am a 48 year old woman who watched this HBO special and have been trying for months to find out what happened to Brett. I too read that he committed suicide and was SO sad to read that! I can’t tell you how happy I am to see that he is SO HANDSOME! And is so happy with his wife and kids! There is a GOD after all! I too was emotionally abused and even at my age I suffer from it. I love my Mom, but even now try to find answers as to why.. I guess I will never know. People are good and bad, if she were 100% bad I could dismiss it. But I do love her. Anyway, what does Brett do for a living? They should put a follow up on HBO because it was such a touching story and people all over the world want to know he is well. Thank you so much for find this anwer. I wish you all good things Brett! You certainly deserve them!
Holly, NJ
Dear Brett,
I am so glad to see you are alive and well and are happy! I saw that HBO special several times, mostly because I some how expected to see a different outcome! I searched to find how you were doing, only to be dead ended. I live in NJ and grew up in NY. My Mom was a “corrector!” and made me feel like I couldn’t do anything right. She was good and bad, but we are friends now. Even slight abuse like that can emotionally cripple a child, I can’t imagine the horror you went through! I grew up in a rich suburb of NY as well, and was always struck by how others thought my Mom was so wonderful, and then she was so mean to me! As I said, not all the time. She is sorry now, says she did the best she knew how to do, bla bla.. I love her, but still don’t understand how you can treat someone you love badly. I guess some things you will never know! I am so happy to see you “aged and handsome” and a wonderful Father! Your wife sounds like she is a beautiful person, to take the time to write what she did and tell everyone how well you are doing! Thank you for opening up and letting us see you are OK! Your children look so much like you, so sweet. What do you do for a living? Are you in touch with and friends with your Dad? Unfortunutly we can’t choose the behaviour of our parents. He thought he was just keeping the peace and doing what he could.. Personally I felt like he needed a spine donor! But nobody is perfect. You can tell he was a good man and was confused as to why his wife was like that.
God bless you Brett! I am truly happy you are OK and are doing so well! I literally cried when I heard about that suicide thing! Thank God that was incorrect!
Wishing you all and your baby much happiness!
Peggie
Sopie3192@aol.com
I watched the HBO twice since it has aired. the first time was years ago. I didn’t know he had gotton out in 1999. I have a brother named Brett also. I’m glad he’s doing well; sorry to hear about his son’s autism. I know that Brett has to live the rest of his life knowing he killed his mother and probably relives that day of her murder. She will never know her grand kids, but the cycle of abuse has stopped. She won’t be able to abuse him ever again. I often wonder if his mother had lived if she would have been verbally abusive towards her grand kids,etc. Everything happens for a reason so I believe that things are the way they should be and hope he and his newfound family are involved in a church somewhere. Healing can take forever but forgiveness is free by God’s grace. Blessings to the Reider family and thank you for this website about him. I wondered how he was doing!! Thank you!!
Yes Christine, I too wondered about what his mother would be like now. She obviously had a severe mental disorder, borderline to a severe mental illness, or most likely bipolar (manic depressive) illness. His father should have had her committed, and should have gotten her on meds. Of course, she would never have gone for that, and wouldn’t have gone easily. I am sure Brett has hopefully found a way to deal with this: it was either him or her. I hope he doesn’t dwell on this every day.. everyone needs help dealing. I hope he does see some sort of therapist. It certainly helps people to deal. I hope he is still close to his sister, his father of course was a nice man, even though he had no control over the situation at all. He should have taken control over her behaviour, obviously he saw what she was capable of. He was with her when she went after him when he snuck out of the house to a party. He saw what was happening, and did not even seek help or check out any shrinks at all. At any rate, I pray Brett deals with this and is happy. God bless you and your wife and kids. I hope you are able to make a good living, and all good things happen for you!
Sincerely,
Holly
I edited this post to include Brett’s current occupation, with the permission of the family. Thanks for caring, everyone.
Dear Brett, we have just watched the HBO documentary , and obviously we were curious to know what’s happened to you. Thanks to the internet and the people concerned about your well being we are extremely pleased to know not only that you are alive and well, but that you have your own family. We wish you all the best and we thank you and your sister for sharing with us your feelings and emotions. You have touched our hearts. Lots of love to you and your family. Dawn and Valerio
Like everyone else, I was touched by the documentary, it was like viewing sketches from my own life, this site helped me to realise I am not alone, a very sad fact indeed; I am please to know Brett is doing fine, I hope Alissa is doing well too; after reviewing all the posts, some people are taking it to hard on Brett’s dad, I had the opportunity to speak with mine about our own tragedy, there was very little for him to do, these are situations very difficult to deal with, “what would you do when the person you love behave like that?” my dad asked this question to himself, his answer was he loved his children as much as his wife, he hanged in there, with us, trying to ride life as we did. They (my parents) are gone now, I learnt thru live that parents behave like that for love to their children, an odd way to express their love, and fears, nevertheless, love.
I used to write Brett while he was in prison. I have also heard that he is alive, well, happily married, a father and living far away from Nebraska. Brett is an amazing person and it devastates me when I think about how much the system truly failed he and Alissa. They are always in my thoughts.
I seen this story for the first time. And was in awe at a seemingly normal white mid-class family, were affected by abuse. I related to all of these things. And was abused as well. It could have been worse for me. But it had nothing to do with being push towards success. Just the stress of being a single parent amd coming from abuse. I am glad that i am not alone because i see your story and see there is hope for normalcy. I have a good relationship with both my parents. But i still deal with resenment and the what if’s. Thank you to and your site i love happy endings.
I just watched the HBO documentary again and was wondering whether this young man was out of prison and living a peaceful life. After seeing on the C&I website that he had committed suicide, my heart sank. Thank God it wasn’t true! Thank you so much for posting this info and I wish Brett and his beautiful wife and family a long, prosperous and peace-filled life. They deserve it, particularly Brett, who has been to Hell and back. I think that he should have never, ever spent one minute in prison and I hope he continues to live his life guilt free and feeling good about himself.
I Just finished watching Brett’s story on HBO and had to jump online and see what happened next. I agree that HBO should have added something at the end about how Brett is doing today. I am so glad to hear he got out early and has a wife and family. Brett you have a great sister. Stay strong and know there are people out here who you don’t even know that care about you.
Dear Brett,
I too saw the HBO Diaries. I cried, and have seen it several times now, always crying and wondering how you are. I grew up near Omaha but was long gone by the time you were dealing with your horrible situation. I was SO happy to hear that you and your family are doing well. I do have a question, and maybe someone can answer it for me. Your Dad, although had issues dealing with reality – how is he? I was first really angry with him, and then I prayed for him. He really didn’t know any better, and I couldn’t judge him like I did. So please if anyone can give him the message that people do care, for you Brett, your sister … and your loving Father.
Thank you to your sister who made this documentary. And I am so happy that it does have a happy ending.
Signed a Friend in Wisconsin, Jean
I just watched the documentary last night, and am so eager to find out how he is doing…I know he is probably trying to put the whole ordeal behind in, but his story is a moving one that should be given a conclusion.
I too just watched the HBO Documentary on Brett and was really hoping at the end they would have a update, but since not I jumped on line and very happy to see him married and carrying on with a happy normal life!! “Good Luck Brett, you deserve it”
I’m so glad that this site exists. I had to know what happened to Brett. I’m so happy that he is free and living his life like a normal person. Congratulations to Brett and his sister Alissa for having children. I’m from Nebraska too. I wish you all the best. You deserve a happy adulthood.
I am glad that shortly after watching the documentry for the third time i found this site. I am glad to hear that he is doing well and is happy. Unfortunately child abuse is so prevalent in this country and hopefully some day soon better laws will be put in place enforcing child rights. It also is a great pleasure to see how active they are in autism awareness.
I too just watched the documentary today on HBO. I lived with abuse from my father. I am 40 years old and still live with echoes from the past. I wish the best for Brett’s family.
I have seen this program before on A&E, I believe. HBO just aired it again on 1/10/08.
I Googled Brett’s name in hopes of finding some information on him. Thank you for your site and, especially to his wife Sara.
I pray God’s continued blessigs and favor on Brett, Sara, Gavin, Garrett and their new little one!
Words can never adequately express such intense regret over the innocence stolen from him..or absolute joy that his life is going forward so wonderfully!
There are those who have money and buy many cars, clothes, an houses. If I had money this is the the flower I would water. Brett, his beautiful family, especially little Gavin.
Go Gavin, kick autism in the butt! Gavin Rocks!!
The Reider fanily will always, always be in my prayers.
I just tonight saw the documentry about Brett and right after it went off I was on a search to find out what had happened to him and his sister. At the time he was 15 I was only 4 so I had never heard of his situation. I’m glad to know that he is living a normal life and is happy. After everything he went thru and losing his childhood it’s good to know he is a peace and enjoying his adulthood. God has truely blessed him and his sister. His children are so cute and his wife is beautiful. He truely has a happy ending/begining to his life.
God bless,
Shylah
I too just saw the HBO documentry, and while I am overjoyed to hear that Brett has moved on in life and seems happy and well adjusted, I believe that Darwin (Brett’s father in this whole mess) should have been, at the very least, prosecuted for child neglect. This man has absolutely no idea what it means to be a parent, much less an adult! When his daughter asked him, twards the end of the show,why and how he allowed the situation to continue, his response is sickening. Essentially, he said that it was better to ruin the childrens lives than face the possibility of divorce! This man is a wolf in sheeps clothing. He’s a coward and a pathetic individual who should have never been allowed to have children.
I’m watching your sister’s documentary, for the third time. I heard you were in The Lincoln Correctional Facility and I googled until I actually found you. I read about your sentence and your release and that’s what led me to this site. I can’t really tell you why I am writing you, I guess I just felt compelled to say “hi” to you, and to see what your life is like now
Thanks so much for this websites and updates. I am watching the film AGAIN on HBO (they really rerun that thing a lot) and sobbing for him and his sister. So glad to find good news. It really warms my heart to see Brett happy and healthy and surrounded by love. I will make it a point to check your site for more updates.
my girlfriend and i just saw your sisters documentary and just wanted to say we are glad to see your doing well…
I have saw this video several times and I just wanted to say may GOD BLESS you Brett, you have a beautiful family that you can express all the LOVE in your heart. You have been given the victory and don’t have to look at the past again. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Greetings from Charlotte…Brett i know that you never visit this site as you probably want to leave the past where it belongs..in the past. We(my wife and I) just saw your sisters documentary and are over joyed that your life turned out so well. our prayers go out to you and your family.
I, too, just finished watching the documentary and immediately went to the internet to find out what had happent to Bret since this did occur in 1993. Shame on HBO for not including an update on Bret. Good for him for living his life the way it was intended to be!
I am so happy to see that you are doing well. I saw the documentary when it first aired in the mid 90s and I was so upset that you were even sentenced. The fact that you have been able to build a life for yourself and are doing well is really a testimony to God’s grace and your true character. Keep moving forward!
Dear Brett, I just want to say I am so glad that you have been given a second chance at life. I want you to know that God is a man of his word and he sent his only son so that you could be forgiven for your sins as long as you forgive others that may have hurt you. This includes yourself so I hope that as time has passed you have been able to forgive yourself. God doesn’t want us to be condemned by our sins, he wants us to live abundantly in him. I am so glad that you and your wife are happy and I am extremly glad you didn’t have to stay in prison for 20 years. God had other plans for your life and I hope that you continue to let him lead you down the path of rightiousness for you are truely blessed, I don’t even know you and I can see it in your face and the faces of your wife and children. Take care and I hope that you recieve nothing less than the best of what life has to offer you. May God continue to bless you and your family:)
I was waiting for an update at the end of the documentary and HBO just left me hanging. I had to jump online to see what I could find. Thanks for the update. I’m happy he’s finally recieving the love that he always deserved.
I’ve got to add however, that if either of those siblings have a relationship with their father, they are much better people than I. What a selfish, despicable person he is. Neglect and abandonment are not doing as he claims “the best he could” I truly believe that man should have been tried along with his son. Not that the mother’s behavior is forgivable, but she obviously was mentally ill. What is his excuse. Even his apologies seemed half hearted. I despise both “parental figures” and am wonderfully overjoyed that it appears both Brett & Alissa have broken the chain of abuse with what I’m sure are lovingly adored children of their own.
I just watched this documentary, and related to so much of it. My parents were very strict about grades, controlling every aspect of my life, beating me and constantly mentally abusing me. I was constantly told I was a failure even though I got straight A’s and behaved like the perfect daughter. I am now 30, and only now, married, and having moved to a different continent away from home, have I begun to come to terms with a lifetime of control. I have slowly begun to realize why I have so little self esteem and why I always criticize myself or never feel good enough. In my case, my father was the abuser and my mother supported it. Brett’s father is as guilty for being the bystander and allowing Brett’s mother to be the way she was. He is as guilty as she is. Parental neglect has as bad an effect as physical abuse. Brett’s mother seemed like a single mom who probably resented being left alone with no support from her partner. It saddens me.
For anyone who has had an abusive upbringing, that is the only normality you know. Sometimes you can carry it for the rest of your life. This book has really begun to help me understand my past and move on:
“Healing Your Emotional Self” by Beverly Engel
It changed my life. Please read it if you are trying to make sense of the maddness that surrounds you. And learn to forgive yourself.
I’m so glad to see that Brett is doing well. I just finished watching the documentary and I had to get on the computer to see if I could find out anything. I feel so sorry for Brett and what he had to go through. I feel it was not right that he had to grow up in jail and have his teenage years be taken from him like that. It’s so wonderful how he has been able to put it all behind him in some way and he now gets to enjoy his beautiful family. I thank his wife for letting others know that he is doing well.
Hmm. I came across this site after watching the documentary. I found out what I was looking for — that Brett is doing well.
I also have to say that if Brett were to see everything we post, while I can’t speak for him, I think he might get tired of people saying how sorry they feel for him and giving him all the best wishes. I know I would.
It’s in the past, and he is doing good. Let’s leave it at that. Like this website states — the documentary was filmed when he was 16. He is now 30.
Let’s give him and his family a break…
I saw the program last night and could not get Brett out my mind. First thing I did this morning was do a search to find out how he was – as I am sure everyone that sees the program wonders. The thing that killed me most was that he had to serve time. How? Their father should have served the time, the officers should have been reprimanded, and as for his friend, well there’s always karma. Although in my late 30’s, I’m still attached to my mother’s umbilical cord and love her dearly, am a parent, but I can truly understand why what happened, happened. So happy to know Brett is well and with family of hiw own. God bless.
I just saw Alissa’s documentary last night and I felt terrible for Brett and his ordeal. He is obviously a gentle, good natured person by nature and his mother tortured him into doing something that he would never otherwise have done. That’s the real crime – she died in body, but Brett’s heart and spirit were dying inch by inch, and after all the abuse, he was still the one who had to pay the price. I do blame his father for not helping him – he may not have been home a lot, but he definitely knew what was happening. Alissa even recounted the time the whole family piled into their car to get Brett away from a party. Claudia was beating him in full view of her husband, and in the end Alissa was the only one who went to his rescue. It is a testament to Brett’s loving nature that he still can’t place any of the blame on his father. I was very happy to find this website and to know that Brett’s true nature has allowed him to live a good life full of love and family.
I also agree that there should be an update to that documentary whenever it is aired.
I disagree that people shouldn’t voice their support. Unfortunately, Brett’s life became public long ago. He can read this or not read it if he wants – he has a choice. But if he wants, he’ll know people care that he’s doing well. Wishing a person well is not stalking.
I watched this documentary last night on HBO Family, and I was quite moved by what happened to the children from their horrible mother. I thought the father was neglectful, and he should have divorced his wife and gotten custody of his children in order to protect them. I wish they explained their mother’s past more because it may shed some light on why their mother was so abusive and controlling. I can relate to this situation since my own father was physically and verbally abusive to my brother, sister, and me. I still have the scars from all those years of his abuse, and I am finally seeing a therapist in order for me to forgive him. He was a troubled man who was also abused from his mother. I just wished he sought some help. I had no thoughts on killing him or anything, but I did move on with my life and I never saw again for over twenty years. He died about two years ago.
I am glad to hear that Brett has a new lease on life and that he is happy with his own family. I think the justice system failed on this case, and the police were also neglectful in not believe Brett’s story of his mother’s abuse. I especially did not like the fact his so called friend from his high school turned on him in order to save himself from prosecution. He was such a coward. Everyone in the family thought things would get better, but it never did. The main reason why things never changed is because the mother needed psychiatric help. People like that never do change or get help for their problems.
I hope someday they will do another documentary on Brett’s story with the most current information. I hope Brett has forgiven his mother because by doing that the mother no longer has the power to hurt him anymore.
I watched the HBO program again last night and was so glad to learn that Brett finally received the loving family he deserved. I have a personal understanding of abuse. But for me it the role is reversed. I am an abused mother! Oh my God I said it! And your fathers role was played by my husband! He’s 20 now and with the help of friends I got him out just last night. Please pray with me for the best. No one can truely understand unless they live it. To have someone you love dearly slowly change from aloving you to beating you is bad enough, but the emotional abuse is the thing that takes control of your life. And it gets worst. Day after day, year after year until, not a shred of the person you loved is there anymore, until the very thought of them sends you into panic. I know I have along way to go! And that I will never understand WHY! I know that I will always carry this with me no matter how much I try, but if Brett can do it so can I. This is day one of my new life! P.S. Brett, I know that you want to put that part of your life behind you but, no matter how many years go by when they show this film there will be people like me lost, blaming themselves, waiting for things to get better. And by watching your film it opens our eyes to the truth. Giving us the courage to take action! Before it’s too late! If only my son was half the son you where! I would have been so happy and proud. You and your family are in my prayers!
Like many of you, I watched the program 1/10/08 and was moved to tears. Like a couple of you who are able to admit it, I went through almost exactly what Brett went through. The amazing thing is that it happened to me 1000 miles away and 30 years earlier. The hell that it is is unbelievable. However, I have written a manuscript which details, among other things, all sorts of “bad parenting”, including the extreme cases like Brett and me and several of you. And, for those of you who care, I am contacting HBO in an attempt to do the follow-up that so many of you seem to think is necessary. I don’t want to focus on Brett. He’s done enough and gone through enough. I want to expose the many levels of child abuse and the many types of child abuse. Physical violence gets all the attention because of the bloody headlines it garners. there is far more to child abuse than physical violence. I was subjected to mostly verbal abuse and the consequences can be even more devastating than the physical abuse. I know that there are millions of people around the world who have been subjected to all kinds of abuse at the hands of parents. The good news is that my manuscript gives people answers. It explains what happened to the parents who did these things and how victims can get back some control of their lives. It tells people the truth about what happens to the children who are the victims of this heinous crime. It explains why our society does virtually nothing to protect the children of abuse and allows the situation to continue. I hope that all of you who have written or those who run this site will help me in my effort to get the word out. I would be glad to release the name and e-mail for the guy at HBO who is my contact so that everyone can contact him and tell him to let me do this follow-up.There are answers to the problem of child abuse. In my mind, it is an epidemic worldwide and needs to be addressed in a public forum. But, hey, if Oprah can’t even see the abuse that her father heaped upon her, what can the rest of us do? As I say in my book, “If I can prevent one child from having to go through the hell that Brett and I went through, then my life may have been worthwhile. Otherwise, thanks to abusive and neglectful parents, it is worthless, just like my mother guaranteed me it would be … over and over and over and over and over, again and again and again and again. And again.
Sincerely,
Jim Reis
OK,I was only kidding about releasing the e-mail of the guy at HBO. Just e-mail me, Jim Reis, at
puzzlz4u@yahoo.com
if you want to do something about child abuse. Some of you agree with me that it is a huge problem and that little is being done. I believe that people in authority are poorly trained to deal with these situations and this has to be corrected. I also believe that everyone who has taken the time to e-mail this site after watching the HBO program on Brett must have had some experience with this type of child abuse. Your story is important. I have a method of letting you look at your life and get through the past. You don’t have to feel bad about what happened to you. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
Jim Reis
I cannot tell you how happy I was when I read that Brett is doing well! Years ago I watched the documentary and was so angered by how this poor kid was tortured by a sadistic woman. Though I dont condone what he did, I have to say, the abuse this kid endured was so extreme that she made him do it. I wish that Brett and his beautiful family have love, peace and joy for all their days.
I just saw the docmentary. This is certainly a tragedy for the Reider family and particularily Brett. I suppose the lesson here is to not only “hear” but listen and take action to prevent such tragedies. Everyone failed Brett. But, he is showing that the best response is simply to “Live a good life.” It is what we all hope for him and so many others. I’m not sure if I would have done any different than he under the same circumstances, but I don’t envy a judge or jury who must weight the interest of society against the relentless physical and psychological abuse of a young man. Brett Reider must learn to forgive himself – as certainly anyone who has learned of his story has already done so. Best Wishes, Brett.
I just want to say that I just watched the documentary on HBO and I could not believe what I was watching. I have never jumped up from watching a documentary and followed up to see how his life has played out as I am doing now. It never seemed so real to me how a mother could do such damage to her child to the point where a child can do such a thing back to his mother in response. Killing will never be acceptable but I would be lying if I said that I did not feel for Brett. It brought me to tears because as a teenager it is perhaps one of the hardest phases in life, and to have endured such torture for 15 years is unimaginable for me. I am glad Brett is alive and doing well, with a family of his own. Hopefully, he can see how much support he has by going on this website, and seeing that he wasn’t alone in his unforgettable struggle of abuse. May his mother soul rest in peace, and I wish him nothing but love and peace of mind.
I just watched the documentary on HBO, wow, what an amazing story. I came right over to the computer and looked up Brett to see his current status. I am extremely happy to find out that he is doing well. I hope he continues doing well and wish him all the best!
GOD BLESS,
im glad that you are living your life with ur beautiful family… im also glad to see that you and your sister are doing good. you made something of your self and im proud of you. and your not alone… you never were alone …. God bless you Brett
Brett- I just watched the show and I am utterly amazed at how calm and together you are while speaking of the terrible abuse you survived. It tells me that this was not an angry young man, this was a little boy trapped. You looked like you were still in shock. I came here hoping to find out that you are ok and am glad to hear that you are.I wish you and your family happiness for the rest of your days. I believe you did what you needed to do to survive. You said that “killing your own mother is an abomination”. Brett the truth is, that treating your children in such a horrible way that they would want you dead, is the ultimate abomination. Never in my life have I understood so well why someone would kill somebody. Be good to yourself.
Dear Brett,
I am pretty sure that you do not read this and would just assume get over what has happened to you. However, I feel that, as a police officer, after watching how you felt so helpless I make it a point to separate each party in ANY “domestic incident” that I respond to. People, especially children, do not call 911 without reason and I am a firm believer of that. My father suffered at the hands of intense physical and mental abuse and it led me to do the work that I do now. My heart sincerely goes out to you as I attempt to empathize what you went through, as a police officer, as a former prison guard, and as another survivor in the cycle of abuse.
-J
I just finished watch the story of the Reider family, and like many others I found myself on the internet hoping to find a happy ending for Brett and Alissa. I was relieved when I found that happy ending.
I think intent is something that is far to easily dismissed in the legal system. In my opinion a murderer is someone that takes another persons like for some kind of personal gain, thrill, or total lack of respect for life. It is not murder in any way shape or form when a youngt boy finally breaks and acts out in self defense in a situation where NOBODY would help him despite obvious cries for help. Brett did not need jail. He needed someone to care. Someone strong to rescue him. Same for Alissa. I am so happy to hear that niether of them became what they hated and feared which is so often the case.
This story hit home for me because from the time I can remember beng old enough to have memories the memories are of nothing but fear, bullying and abuse. I was small, and soft spoken as a young child. An easy target for bullies, and thats how it started. It progressed from there. No matter where I went or what kind of people I was around I wasfor some reason or another a target. In school, at the playground, the pool, and of course at home. I had been beaten up by nieghborhood bullies, had dogshit wiped in my hair, and been tied to a folding chair and unrinated on. there was no escape anywhere for me. Bullies everywhere, and then an abusive mother at home. Throw in the fact that my mom was 5′10 and extremely strong for a woman. She would beat me with her fist, or whatever she could pick up and swing ro throw at me. If I went down I got kicked. My only escape was weekends at my fathers. Unfortunately I knew at an early age what kind of man my father was. Had I told him he would have killed her. Plain and simple. At the age I was at I still loved my mother and didn’t want to see her hurt.
Fortunately, at the expense of the local bullies I discovered I had grown into a strong young man and an excellent amateur boxer. The last time my mother ever put her hands on me was when I was 16. She went to punch me and I caught her fist in the air, grabbed her throat and put her against the wall. I said “tats the last time you ever hurt me.” I walked out and went to live with my father. I have never seen her since. I do not miss her at all. I don’t feel sorry for her either. To be honest… she is the only person I hate. She is dead now and I hope there is a hotter place in hell for her.
I plan on using her mistakes to make me a great father when the time comes. Thank you to all who read this.
Great and moving film by Alissa.I hope she is well.What a courageous lady.Thanx for the moving experience of watching your documentary.
i only got to catch the tale end of the show on HBO on 1-15-08 and i was wondering if they wrote a book about it. i really would like to own it if they did. i am so glad that he is doing well and has moved on with his life.
First I want to say, like everyone else, I am so relieved that Brett is doing well. I also agree that he should be left alone. Don’t think for one second that this does not haunt him every day. I am 42 and after watching Brett’s story, I was so shocked and hurt to see that allmost nothing has changed in 4 decades. Why are children STILL having to fear getting help because attempting to get help just ends up resulting in the abuse getting worse EVERYtime. I still don’t talk about it (this is the closest I have come) and it has destroyed my life. I only blame myself for this as I feel that I have let it destroy my life. I have raised 2 boys and I stopped the cycle as I refused EVERY DAY to be like my mother. I let them know every single day how much I love them and how amazing they are. My demons I keep for myself, after all, that is how we are programmed. What scares me is that, as long as we continue to keep these things to ourselves, this cycle will forever continue. Children will still be afraid to seek help and suffer silently for another 4 decades. This just has to stop…
P.S. I am 42 and still afraid of my mother. What do we do with that?
Dear Brett – I’m an adult child of a hyper-
critical alcoholic mother and absent Dad.
My mother used to say that I’d never amount
to anything and would probably end up a suicide.
Well, somewhere along the way I’d heard the
saying “Living well is the best revenge.” After
years of drug abuse, pain and finally, good
therapy, I forgave my parents and allowed myself
to love and be loved. (It helped us a lot that
Mom finally ‘bit the big one’ back in 2000.) She
was a total ‘Black Hole’ and when she went I
remember my sisters and I looking at each other
and saying “We’re free, no more being sucked into
that negative vortex.”
Obviously, I still have days when I want to take
the forgiveness back as I imagine you and your
sister do. My Dad continues to act like nothing
wrong ever happened but his denial is his problem,
ya know what I mean?
We all now have love and truth in our lives
and the ability and resources to keep healing ourselves.
Prayer helps a lot.
I am now married to a good man and I am a painter
by profession. Do I “paint out” my issues? No, I
paint about themes with hope and happiness. If I
feel the need to vent, I see my therapist or go
to a 12-step meeting.
I’m so happy to see you thriving! Your wife
and kids look adorable. I send a prayer for
you and your familys’ continued happiness
and a special blessing for your autistic child.
Keep on keepin’ on. Elizabeth
thanks for finding this out.
I forgot to thank Alissa for her courage in
confronting your shockingly spineless and
passive-agressive Dad and for helping to make
this very important and poignant documentary.
I’m sure you realize at this point that your
Dad was as sick as your Mom but in a different
way. If he chooses not to heal himself or
recognize his part in the total dynamic he is
still sick.
Your continued prayers for his recovery may or
may not open his eyes but you and Alissa will
always feel better.
‘Best, Elizabeth.
I was so surprised when I watched the documentary, How horrible our justice system is. My brother is looking at 20 years for selling a little pot(not saying that is right by no means) but I was watching the news and a man who beat and molested his little girl was only getting 2 years probation!!!!! What’s up with that? I just don’t understand……….
Thanks for posting this update. Like may viewers of the documentary I too immediately searched the Internet in order to discover how Brett was doing. The film touched me in ways that are difficult to explain. My prayers are with Brett, his family, and all others that are living with the repercussions of abusive guardians. God bless everyone that cared enough to find this site.
I watched it to, earlier last night. Like everyone, I was also concerned for Brett and wished to know how he is doing. Brett, I am so glad to read that you are doing well and have a good life. Take good care of yourself. God bless you and your family.
I also watched this documentary last night on HBO just as I was falling asleep, and kept this young man’s name in my head all night long. When I awoke this morning, the first thing I did was to get online and do a Google search to find out what happened to him, in hopes of finding him alive and doing well.
Thank you so much to Brett’s wife for the update and wonderful photos, and for allowing you to post them all as proof that one can, indeed, move on from such a tragedy.
I also applaud Brett’s sister for standing by him and supporting him so well throughout…but my strongest kudos go to Brett himself for coming through everything with such grace and apparent dignity.
wow, im amazed at how many other people saw it. to brett and his family, i am so happy that things are ok, like everyone else, i caught myself crying as i watched in horror how there was no help for you and your sister. But what bad happens, God can always turn around for good, and now people are being made aware of this, with help from your courageous sister’s movie, most people do think, like you, that abuse is from a drunk dad, never a mom, but it happens, more than we know or think, and you bringing light to this is helping people, helping them vent and helping them find help. Knowing it wasnt their fault, they are good enough, it wasnt them, it was the parents fault. And I too felt very angry at your dad, and his leaving Alissa’s house when the questions got tough at the end is typical of him, when it gets tough, he leaves. I am so happy to see Brett’s beautiful wife and children and am relieved that he is out of jail and didn’t serve the whole sentence, which was way too harsh to begin with. I wish all the best for him and his family , his autistic son and the newborn to come. I will be praying for them and his sister and her family.
I do Thank you very much for this website. After watching the film in its entirety last evening i began to check to see if he had been released yet. Very encouraging to hear what has become of Brett. He in my mind did what is the oldest law to mankind, self preservation. I respect his moving on, and hope that this will be left as far behind him, and his sister, as can possibly be left. I too live in Portland, and truly appreciate what your site is doing for people. Brett may not be responding personally to other people, but because of him and his story you are, and in my mind, he IS helping people. Through you. Thank you.
I can’t believe that so many people have also searched to find out what ever happened to this young man.
I’m really glad he is doing well.
Thank you for this site. It gave me the answers that I was was looking for!
Having just seen the documentary about Brett, I just had to learn what became of him. I am so happy to hear that he is doing well. Having a son near his age, I just would like him to know that if he had been my son, I would have cherished, loved and been so proud of him. What a wonderful boy he was and now, such a wonderful man.
I just watched this documentary and am very happy to find out that Brett is going well and is married with his own family. I too am disgusted that he had to serve any time in prison, as I tink he lived in his own prison for those first 15 years. His mother was obviously very sick.
Does anyone know what happened to their father and if they have a close relationship.
I think his sister did a wonderful job telling his story.
To start I have watched the HBO doc. twice now , it has such an impact on me I can hardly think of anything else for day’s ….
Brett is such a sweet soul of a person , the loss of a child’s innocence moves me everytime …..
But this story was completely different for me , I close my eye’s as to put the pain somewhere so I can think …..
I to watched the doc. and ran to my computer to find out more information on Brett’s story , I’m over joyed to find that he is out and is living a HAPPY LIFE NOW !!
He looks wonderful from the pix on this site , ohh how cute his children are , they look exactly LIKE HIM !!
To his wife thank you for allowing yourself to love such a sweet soul of a person who has has such horrific terror in his past !!
God bless Your family may forever you find peace ….
Amy
they should have prosecuted that ‘father’. what a terrible excuse for a parent. best wishes to brett and his family, and alyssa. i was so touched by your story.. lynn jacobs
I have seen the documentry several times and it has always made me cry, but has helped me deal with the mental and physical abuse I had to deal with through out my younger years. So much of his story I can relate to, and yes, I wanted to kill myself, and sometimes my much older step brothers that were so abusive to me. To this day I still stay away from my brothers because of the pain I feel and that fear that I would hurt them.
God bless you Brett, and I am glad that things are so great with you. Things get better with time, but yes there is always that memory and pain that still remains, but you find strength and courage to deal with.
I just saw the documentry and was shocked that Brett as well as his sister had to endure the abuse from there own Mother.I only hope they can now forgive there father who in my opinion did nothing
I was busy cleaning my house when the documentary came on and could not help but to stop what I was doing and watch the story. I too grew up with an abusive mother who acted in a very similar manner every day. It brought me back to my childhood memories and I empathized with both Brett and his sister. I shared the same thoughts of wanting my mother dead many times but I never went through with it. I felt the pain, heartache, anger and detachment just like he did. Too this day I am very scarred from all of my experiences that I have had with my mother. I am happy to see that this family has found a way to move forward and learn from the horrible truths that haunted and destroyed their family. It is very inspiring to see that after all that has happened, they can recover and change the patterns so many others can’t. I wish the entire family the best.
U just saw it for the 3rd time … this time i got up for were i was at … to fine out if he was still alive and living well .. as i see now.. he is a alive and has two kids … and one on the way i wish the best for him and his family am glad that in all that madness there is happyness ….
I’m confused because the years don’t match. Brett was born in 1977 and released in 1999. In the letter from his wife, she says that he just turned 30 AND they celebrated their 10-year wedding anniversary, but how could that be? His 30th birthday was in 2007, they couldn’t have celebrated their 10-year because he wasn’t released until 1999. Please clarify!
Either way, I’m really happy that I found this site within minutes of watching the documentary. I’m furious that he was put away at all, but happy that he was let out early on parole and now has a beautiful family. I wish him all the happiness in the world, he deserves it.
He’s also very attractive and has gorgeous children! His wife is a lucky lady!
I have watched the documentary several times. My story is different in that I was abused by an ex husband for 18 years and finally left when I was shot. It is sad that it takes such a tragedy to get to the other side. In my recovery from domestic violence, I created a non-profit organization for victim’s of domestic violence. Services offered are a safe haven for the women and children, medical attention for regular healthcare, emotional and psychological and vocational counseling and a learning center has been developed for Remedial Reading and Math for Pre-K to 12th grade. From watching the documentary about Brett I am reminded that there are many forms of abuse. It is the responsibility of each and every person to erradicate this epidemic. I applaud Allysa for speaking out for herself and her brother. As victims we all wear the albatross of shame that abuse shackles us with but to truly break free.. we must must speak out! I applaud Brett for freeing himself from the albatross and finding his smile, his sweet nature and for having the courage to love. This is allowing Brett to heal, to move forward but most of all allowing Brett to forgive himself. Brett your story has been shared with victims in my organization and on behalf of many of them they say “Thank you” for being a true inspiration of courage and hope! You have broken the vicious cycle of abuse and the proof is in the happy photos that Brett’s wife Sara provided. God Bless you Brett and your beautiful family.
Kathy
I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO BRETT REIDER AND HIS SISTER I AM A VICTIM OF CHILD ABUSE AND I AM 16 I WACTHED THE FILM and STILL I AM IN TEARS I THOUGHT ABOUT KILLING MY MOM BUT NEVER WANTED TO DO SOMETHING SO HARSE I GET BEAT WITH BELTS STICK TREE BRANCHS CORDS HANGERS MY ABUSE RESULTED IN BRUISES LAW SELF ESTEEM MILD DEPRESSION AND MY SUCIDAL ATTEMPTS MY FRIENDS SEEN MY BRUISES AND THEY TOLD ME TO TELL I HAVE TOLD BUT I DONT WANT MY MOM TO GET IN TROUBLE SHE RAISES HER SISTER AND BROTHERS THEY ARE FOSTER CHILDREN I GET BEAT BECAUSE I TALK BACK OR DO DO SOMETHING OR IF MY GRADES ARE BAD AND ROOM ISNT CLEAN MY MOM CALLS ME NAMES LIKE SLUT WHORE BITCH SHE SAYS SHE HATES ME SO I SAY IT BACK I HAVE HIT HER BECAUSE I GOT TIRED OF BEING A VICTIM I FELT LIKE A PRISONER IN MY HOM BECAUSE I CANT GO OUT WITH FRIENDS I CANT DATE I CANT GO ANYWHERE ALONE I NEED BRETTS HELP PLZ PLZ SOME ONE HELP
It’s so wonderful to see the beautiful life that Brett Reider is living now compared to his tragic upbringing. When I first saw his sister documentary on HBO it touched my heart not only for Brett but for all abused children whom have a silent voice. It’s amazing to see Brett with his beautiful wife and children. Keep living life to the fullest because Brett you deserve it. Life is not about Looking Back it’s about living in the NOW. We all have stories but it’s what we do with our future that matters more than anything. It’s amazing to see a happy outcome for Brett Reider.
KB I just read your post.
I hope this helps. From my own experience all I can say is LIVE your life only looking forward. I just turned 38 and last year the light bulb in my mind went on; I can’t change my childhood so I need to stop worry, wondering, stressing, avoiding my demons about how my own childhood. Why me? I was so ashamed of being abandoned by my own mother when I was 6. All the relative I loved just vanished. I was stripped of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. It’s like she threw me away like trash and never looked back. I grew up in a home for children. Growing up I didn’t suffer abuse but mentally I was damaged. Feeling like the forgotten child. Being abandoned is abuse of the mind. I had to learn to depended on only two me and God. Finding my own strength and adapting to change help me along life’s journey. I didn’t become a hooker and I didn’t escape by using drugs. I trusted in myself and the Lord Almighty.I always believed he knew what was best for me. I have a blessed life; I have amazing husband of 15 yrs, three beautiful children. It’s taken me a lot more time to confront my own demons in my mind and once I did. I was FREE. What did I do? Let go of the pain, anger, I released it and I opened my eyes to the beauty that surrounded my own life now. It’s amazing. Life’s struggles was only within myself. Let it go! You didn’t deserve to be abused! It wasn’t your fault, you were just a child. Keep being the wonderful father; just be a better example to your children. Love comes in many forms; we just have to open our eyes to see it. I have connected with step siblings who call me sister but I have no relation with Mother. At some point I decided I got to choose who’s part of my life. You are special human being and you are Important & Special. Start believing that! Best wishes to you!
Me and my family have a simular stoy. But it was my father, and he was a Forest Recon Vietnam vet. That left the war after getting shot five times. Then can home a killer with no outlet for his problems. Except us, he could always take it out on us. And were still getting over it. Thanks for sharing your story. If you want to know more of mine ,just ask.
Glad to hear things are going well. I just saw the documentary tonight and I was amazed at what he and his sister had to persevere. The strength they both displayed, as well as his final response are things we all need to learn from, Physical as well as Mental abuse are all tragedies that cannot be ignored, the outcome can be deadly, for either party. Once again I am heartened to see him in a better state. Best of luck with your family and life.
I am so glad to hear that Brett and Alissa are doing well now, they sure deserve some peace after the horror they went through which I and my sisters endured as well throughout the 60’s and 70’s by an unstable step-mother. The similarities are mind-boggling but then again nothing is new under the sun according to Ecclesiastes. No one died in our household however it could have went the other way if it hadn’t been for a thread of Jesus running through our lives brought on by a loving paternal grandmother. Today we have reconciled with our father and step-mother(who got the help she so needed), I hope Brett and his family are christians, I am glad he is alive, I hope they all received counseling to deal with the guilt. It is a shame but this kind of thing goes on every day in the USA and we need to keep our eyes and ears open to be able to report it…be nosy, be a busybody but don’t let a child suffer.
It doesn’t matter how long ago the past is, it still haunts. I don’t have a similiar story. I have loving parents who still are always there. I do have a brother with mental illness, and I have a son with mental illness. The documentary puts things into perspective. I don’t hit my kids, and I don’t call them names. I will always check myself to make sure I don’t. The power we have over our children if frightening, to say the least. If you know of anyone being abused, always stick your nose in and listen when the children speak. I am very happy to see he has moved on to better things. Bravo to his sister for making the documentary and having the bravery to ask her dad the hard questions. It’s nice to see life goes on. Take care
It’s sad to see the breakdown of ANY family, which is why Alissa’s story has affected me so severely. I have seen the documentary several times (and will probably watch it whenever I see it is on) and each time I feel such heartache for those children. I have children of my own and hope that they feel the love and support I have for them. Life is hard, especially when you are a parent, but to abuse a child is the worst thing a parent can do. I am so glad to see Brett is moving on with his life. I bet it is harder on his father than anyone else. He was a victim, too, but it seems like no one realizes that. Just wanted to thank [whoever] for developing this site for people to comment on their feelings in regards to Alissa’s movie and to update us on how Brett is doing. And Brett, if you read this, I hope you realize how much your story has touched so many people, including myself. Good luck with your babies!
It’s good those involved are going forward. It’s the best anyone can do. Currently I am worried about # 98. She is asking for help and I wonder what you guys can do for her?
I watched the program last night for the first time and the most significant aspect of the story is that Brett, despite the hell that woman put him through, was such a gentle, good person. He didn’t display bitterness or even hatred toward her. It is unbelievable really if you think about it. From what I could tell he never took a step out of line in his entire life minus the sneaking out and going to a party–but who hasn’t done that?
I did grow up with an extremely dysfunctional domestic situation but not nearly to the degree that Brett and his sister had to endure. It was just different. My mother left and my father attempted to raise my brother and I–but he was a miserable alcoholic. My father didn’t hit me that often, but he would beat my brother. When I was there I would step in and stop it. I believe my father was afraid of me because at a young age I determined that for all intents and purposes he was not much of a man or a father and it didn’t hurt me emotionally the way it did my little brother. Because I was not affected by him he realized that I would not hesitate to hurt him back if he didn’t reign it in. I handled it differently than my brother and I wasn’t scared of him in the least. My brother never fought back because he thought Dad would love him more if he just took it. It was as if he was defeated from the onset of his life and everything later became a reflection of that. Eventually my brother and I just sort of floated out of his grasp and lived with other people or just stayed gone. We lived in a small town so everyone was like family and we were lucky in that respect. My brother never has gotten over trying to make Dad love him…he can’t keep a job, he’s always in some kind of trouble, he’s had his bouts with alcohol and drugs, and he’s incapable of having a steady relationship with anyone…and it ALWAYS goes back to Dad. As for me, I am successful in my career and I always tried to not be a “victim” but instead to make my life my own without giving merit to my parents either good or bad. But I too am incapable of emotion to the degree that I will ever trust anyone completely. I have the ability to turn my feelings off like a lightswitch–with regards to personal relationships. It is my dysfunction.
I am a mother of a nine year old girl and I consider my “relationship” with her to be non-negotiable and uncompromising. She is my life. I would NEVER in a million years could I ever raise a hand to my child–EVER. Her life is so far removed from the childhood I had and I am proud of that. Sometimes I think I am not raising her right because I am way too lenient in certain aspects and I do everything for her. When I say everything I mean the basics that I believe parents should do for their children…like laundry and the housework. I was like a little slave when I was growing up because I was the girl and there was no mother so somebody had to do it…and I hated it…becuase I was responsible for everything. I don’t want her to feel like that, although this very fact instilled in me a very strong work ethic and the realization that I had to do for myself. She does not have this same mantra and it frustrates me sometimes–BUT I am the one who did that. I am also very protective and I worry sometimes that I am “hypervigilant” and I am scared of smothering her.
Today she lost her gameboy and it was a massive search in my home to find it and I discovered an “F” paper that she had stuffed under her toybox and I was upset. I wasn’t upset about the “F”, but I was upset that she hid it from me. I think I am very easy to approach and I emphasize to her daily that she can talk to me. I asked her why she hid it from me and she said she didn’t want me to be disappointed. I told her, “it is perfectly normal for parents to be disappointed when their children–their very intelligent children–make bad grades.” BUT coincidentally I just watched the program last night and I am thinking–MY GOD! AM I LIKE THAT WOMAN? MY CHILD IS AFRAID TO SHOW ME AN “F” PAPER AND SHE’S IN THE FOURTH GRADE! Now I have to figure out how to punish her for hiding it from me without re-inforcing her opinion that she had to hide it from me in the first place. The bigger question is WHY did she think she had to?
I guess the point of this site is for people to talk about something that is horrific and Brett is the catalyst for that discussion. If anything watching the film made me more aware of my own faults as a parent…and that is one of the positive side effects of the film. To put our arms around our children and realize the gift we have. Also to realize we have a social responsibility within our own environment to make damn sure this doesn’t happen.
My Name is Tammy. I am the owner, writer and developer of this website. Please know readers, this site is not written, run or developed by the Reider family. I wrote the post pertaining to Brett Reider with the help and permission of an email from the Reider family. Although I know they know of this website, I cannot guarantee that they are currently able to read every comment. I, however, am reading each and every comment.
I did email Latesia (comment #98), but the email that I sent bounced back, stating that the email address she provided was incorrect. I am not sure what else I can do. Anyone out there who is experiencing abuse at the hands of a parent can call 1-800-4-A-CHILD.
People dealing with domestic violence can call 1-800-799-SAFE .
I am a child abuse survivor. You do not have to live with this. Contact the police, a teacher, a friend, a priest… Keep asking for help until you get it. It is not OK for you to be abused. I wish that I could be of more help.
If you wish, you can contact me personally, livedtotell@gmail.com
My name is Tammy.
Thank you to everyone for reading and for telling your own stories as well.
Tammy
Thank you Tammy for your email, time, and commitment that shows in your last comment. After watching the documentry, I too was hoping for Brett’s happy ending…and have found great inspiration from the news that he and his sister have been able to move on with their families. It is amazing what the human spirit can endure and overcome!
Reading the comments, thinking of my own past and being a parent now…I am left with the continued inner turmoil to overcome how I was raised and life’s stess to be the mother and spouse I want to be.
I will be going to bed tonight, after checking on my two little blessings, very thankful for what I have…
and realizing there is no excuse to advocate and protect children within our reach.
Heart felt wishes for contiued survival and happiness.
Thanks to all of you who have taken the time to post your well wishes and support of Brett and our family. And, for sharing your own stories with all of us. Tammy is a beautiful soul and I can’t imagine a better person to monitor and reach out to those who come here in need of help.
I wanted to answer a few questions that have been asked on this forum. As far as dates, Brett turned 30 in October of 2007. We were married in 1997 – while he was still in prison.
Both Alissa and Brett have (and have always had) a very good relationship with their father and love him very much. Everyone will have their own opinion – but I will just say that Brett made a terrible decision – that was his alone. It was life changing for everyone involved and he takes full responsibility for it. He has never felt that blame should lie with anyone but him.
Thanks again to everyone – especially Tammy. Our prayers and hope for the courage to overcome are with all of you.
Hi Sara,
I am so glad that you took the time to stop in here and to read and comment. Your kind words for me were very much appreciated. Please know that I never could have written the post about your family without your help. I am glad to be able to create a space for people to see that Brett has moved on with his life. It is difficult to read so many sad stories from people, but I do believe it is valuable for people to express themselves and I am happy to provide a space for that as well.
Best to you,
Tammy
I just watched the HBO film. I, like so many others, went straight to the internet to look up Brett and his sister. I have never done this in my life. I was very, very happy to see that they have moved on with their life. Good for them.
I do think that their father played a big part in the outcome and unfortunate death of their mother. He should have been willing to risk giving up EVERYTHING to protect the children. After all they did not ask to come into this life – he made that choice and he owes them safety and protection. To me that is just plain old common sense!! I have no respect for him. I do admire Brett even more for his undying respect for his father. To me that shows how much Brett trusted him and also proves how much his father let him down. He was pretty young at the time of the filming – now that he is a father himself he may view this differently.
I can sleep tonight after reading all these comments and knowing that he is sleeping in his own bed. A bed that should have been slept in all his life not just part of it.
Katie
The HBO documentary moved me so deeply. I am absolutely filled with joy to see that this wonderful man is enjoying his life now with a beautiful family of his own! My husband and I both feel that it is our responsibility to do a better job as parents than our parents did and we know in our hearts that we have done, and are continuing, to do just that with our children. Brett and Sara can say the same for themselves. What a tremendous spirit he possesses to be able to have turned his past into such a beautiful future for his own family and to have such a loving and wonderful woman by his side………..simply amazing and awe-inspiring. God bless them all
I have just finished watching the documentary on HBO and i was extremely disheartened to know that Brett had up to 20 years prison for something that i see as not his fault, especially when someone can claim insanity for murder and be released in 5 years, ( im speaking of other cases i know about).
I then googled Brett Reider and it came up with this site, and i would like to thank you deeply for caring enough to provide the public with this, also a thankyou to Sarah for giving the update although its none of anyones buisness.
You are such a strong person Brett and i admire that.
Thankyou!
Thankyou so much for doing this site, I only just watched the film for the first time last night. It is so good to hear he is out of jail and living a happy family life. Much too often if it is a female doing the abuse, people just brush it off, but the mental anguish these siblings endured was horrific. I have worked with autistic children and adults for 10 years, it is very demanding, and Brett is not only dad, he is a special dad. To see that the cycle of abuse stopped with his mother says more about him and his nature than any words can say. He’ll always be in my prayers.
This is the best news. This was such a compelling, tragic story. My heart broke for those beautiful children and the unspeakable treatment they received from their mother. I am so relieved to learn that Brett has reclaimed his life, has a lovely family, and is getting on with the business of living. All the best to him, his wife and family.
Am so glad Brett is ok. His family life was so close to my own with my daughters that it gave me goose bumps. Glad I didn’t have a son or he would have shared a “room” with Brett for the same reason. When I saw the HBO special I grabbed a tape to record it & then sent it to my daughters. They were speachless. I wanted to reach out & somehow help Brett. The ghosts of 20 years of incredible abuse by my wife still haunt me and my girls daily. I’m trying to move on but it is hard. Too much for too long. There was no place to hide. Her anger was incessent and missed no one. My best, Brett.
Just read the comments- especially about Brett’s dad. Unless you have lived in such abuse you just can’t understand. I constantly challanged my sick wife about her anger & abuse. Countless times I first asked & then told her to get help. Always she refused. This just made things much worse & then the abuse was raised to a whole new level of hell. I considered divorce, but thought that my girls would now get caught in the middle of that on top of the abuse AND they would have no one to try to run interference for them. There was no good choice & I stayed until my youngest went to college & then I bailed out. Wife nearly shot me with a 12ga shotgun. The biggest shock to the three of us was when we would go out & then mother/wife would act like the perfect wife/mother with the perfect family. That just made it all worse as we wondered who this woman was. It was living in the movie “Mommy Dearest” about Joan Crawford. No, it is not always the father who is the abuser.
I only just watched the HBO special last night on Foxtel’s CI channel here in Australia.
I was first shocked at how Brett’s mum treated everyone and surprised because it’s usually the father that is the abuser because of alcohol etc. His mum clearly had issues and needed help but nothing was ever done about it.
I am glad to see that Brett and his family are now doing ok.
Cheers
Jordan
Jordan, I tried desperately to get my wife help- both physcological and medical for any chemical brain imbalance. Any mention about this to her just brought a new and higher level of hell to me & daughters. She would relentlessly attack each of us until we ran away and hid, then she would attack the next. No one ever escaped her wrath. The sickest part was seeing the perverse pleasure she would get by realizing she now had gotten each as angry as she was. Unless you personally have this happen to you for near two decades as the three of us did, you cannot understand.
Brett’s story has stayed with me through the years since I saw it on HBO. I am very thankful to know he is living a normal life with his wife and children. As a child, I was exposed to abuse as well. Anyone who has ever dealt with this issue is extremely sensitive to others that it impacts. So very happy for him, his lovely wife and beautiful children! Thank you for posting an update. There are people in the world who care what happens to others!! This update was needed.
I’m writting to let Brett and Alissa know that their courage saved my children’s lives and helped me face up to my mental illness. I also was a very abused child both physically, sexually, and mentally. I was not given any help while being shuttled through my 15 foster homes and I was very ill and being very abusive to my own two children. My 12 year old saw the program on HBO and asked me to watch it with her. It was very painfull and I was so ashamed of the things that I was doing to her and my son. I immediately asked my daughter if she ever thought of killing me and she said yes. I was so afraid that I had already ruined her life by continuing the cycle of abuse that I immediately got on the phone and started calling for help. I’m not perfect but I don’t hit my children anymore and I try not to say mean things to them. If I do I apologize and ask them to talk it out with me. I see the difference already, they smile more and my daughter walks with her head up now. The Reider family is in my prayers….please include me in yours.
Thank you so very much for this site.
I am curious to know Brett and Alissa’s mother’s history. Was she abused as a child? Did anyone else in the family suffer from mental illness (Grandparent’s, etc.)? I caught the documentary in progress, so forgive me if this information was covered in the film.
As a mother of a beautiful 4 year old daughter and also a LUCKY daughter of wonderful parents, I cannot imagine the legacy of not being loved by your MOTHER and protected by your FATHER. What wonderful and exceptional children Brett and Alissa grew up to be.
Children are the ultimate BLESSING, the greatest gift of love. Shame on their father for not protecting his children and for very, very selfish reasons—he would loose everything he’s worked for… I wanted him to apoligise to Alissa for not protecting her and for not removing her and her brother from their terror. But, he again selfishly said he couldn’t live his life taking the blame. Makes me wonder if he suffered abuse as a child, or if he was raised by alcoholic parents?
I am glad that both Alissa and Brett have forgiven their father and are now safe and happy with families of their own.
Thank you for this site. I have wonder for years what happened with Brett and how he and Alissa where doing. I am so happy to see that they have been able to move beyond the tragedy and unhappiness to have a good, healthy and happy life.
I just watched the Documentary “Family Diaries” and as I watched this powerful film my heart just broke. I could not believe how alone he was, I myself having experience with certain kinds of abuse know the bond that forms when your siblings (here his sister) can be the only source of sanity, and when they leave, it is so hard to keep going. My sister was my life and will to keep going as well. Sadly, my Mother went through the same situation as Brett did with her mother. Father traveled… almost the exact story. Well, it’s true. The Cycle of abuse does not have to continue, it can stop. My mother saved me from my abuse and was the main person in my life that let me see the light through my depression.
I did not come to this sight to complain about the ghosts of the past. I wanted to send a message, that Although it was a horrific situation for all parties, Nothing better can from such a tragity than the birth of life its self.
When i came across this sight, I was filled with relief. When the film ended I was just crying and hurting, and just didn’t want this family to hurt anymore… and finding this sight lifted my spirits. I am filled with joy to find that Brett is well and has a beautiful family.
I, myself am expecting, and with my husband and I coming from troubled childhood’s relish the responsibility of neutering and caring and showing our love to the fullest for our children.
This world as cruel and as unrelenting as it is, does not mean we can not find beauty and purity from the ashes that come from the fire.
I am so fortunate to have seen this documentary, and find it very consoling to come to this sight and know that we are not alone. I feel that there is so much we can learn from others, and I hope to learn all that I can and keep growing as a person.
I sincerely, and truthfully thank the Reider Family for having the courage to make that documentary that has ultimately helped them heal and touched the hearts of thousands.
Thank You so much.
I am glad I didn’t give up on my search for what happened to Brett. Thank you so much for posting the information on how he is doing. I would never had thought his life would have turned out so good. It has haunted me every since the first time the documentary had aired because if the sister had killed the mom she would never had spent time in jail. Not only did he go to jail it was horrifying to see they sent him to a prison for violent offenders. I was certain prison and his abusive childhood would have permanantly damaged him. He managed to not let it ruin the remainder of his life. I am glad he has such a lovely wife and family. I wish them all the best.
I watched the HBO documentary last night. It was so apparent in the documentary that this young man was not a killer but a lost child and someone with the promise of youth still in his spirit. His eyes were that of a kind young man. I can’t begin to express how happy I am that he is out of prison and has a lovely family. Brett, I thought of you this morning when I gave my 15 year old son a hug this morning! Best wishes and God bless.
I was so saddened to see Brett story last night, but amazed by his courage and strength to live though such a horrific event in his life. Happy to hear now that he is living a wonderful life with his wife and kids. I only wish best to him and his loved one.
Brett and Alissa, our mothers could be twin sisters-though there is an age different. Never happy, hair trigger, emotionally abusive and quick to hit, slap and punch. I’m 47 now and experienced almost exactly the same abuse you’all did-including an absentee father that eventually told me he wished he had stopped her from hitting me. An interesting day that was..
I sincerely wish you all well. My wonderful sister found this site-I had seen the HBO special and wondered that had happened after Brett’s release. From looking over Brett’s pictures and learning what he’s doing, it looks like the cycle has ended, thank God.
I was in the same high school class as Brett and I am so glad to see how well his life turned out. That was a devistating time for our class and those of us who knew him. We all prayed for him and his family. No child should have to endure the pain that he and Alyssa did. I am glad he has moved on with his own life and family. Good luck and God Bless
I am so thankful for this page. I saw Brett Killed Mom when it first aired on HBO. I think about it quite frequently actually, because I have a stepbrother named Brett. I am pleased to know that he is doing well. My heart is truly touched by the strength and courage of the Reider family and I wish all of the best of luck in the future.
My heart goes out to Brett and his entire family. I saw the documentary for the first time just a few minutes ago. Completely Heartwrenching. I am glad to see him doing well.
I just saw the HBO documentary, and I’m still in tears. I’m so thankful that Brett was released early and that he is doing well. My heart goes out to him and his family, and I wish them the very best.
Brett and Sara:
God Bless you and your family. You should consider a follow up story because you have picked up the pieces. I work in education and abuse touches the lives of so many. We all need to know that there is hope and you can survive. I am sorry that our justice system is not just, but I am glad that you are not bitter. Thanks for sharing your story and making me a better person
I Have seen the HBO Documentary twice, once in 97 & recently in 08. The only thing that I could think about was… I hope that this kid isn’t still in jail & I hope their is a way for him to find the away to repair any negative feelings he may have. I am so happy to see that he has a beautiful family that he is responsible for & wish him the best in life. May god bless you & your family.
My wife and I watched the documentary this evening and felt compelled to find a place to comment.
First off it would be easy to blame your mother, she deserves alot of blame but clearly had pscyhological problems that no one would choose to have.
Don’t blame yourselves (Brett and Sis), if you were forced to live in insanity where could you find reason? No child should be victim of such violence, such abuse and nelect. We have an instinct to survive, and you did, painful as it may have been, as it may be.
You did a heroic thing making this documentary and my bet is it has saved others.
Lastly, a father that allowed this to continue sickens me. His fears of losing everything allowed you two to lose too much. I am from South Dakota, and I hope there are no more like him. Sorry, that simply true.
Although I do not know what it is like to be abused, I know the hardships of raising a child with autism. I hope that Brett and Sara can get past so much of what he went through…emotionally and mentally. I cannot imagine what he went through, but in the same breath realize he did what he did to survive (in the mind of a child). Some adults can only wish to do so well. My own son has autism and it is the absolute hardest thing I have ever dealt with. Watching a happy, healthy child disappear into a shell of that child along with thoughts of never seeing him/her again is devastating. Luckily, with the therapies out there, a child with autism can be found again. Anyway, I just wanted to say good luck to Brett and Sara and their families. What this family went through no child should ever have to deal with; maybe…just maybe what he dealt with will get him through the hardships of his child having autism and everything else in life.
The documentary touched my heart, and I’m so glad to hear that Brett has moved on and is able to enjoy his life and family.
I too just saw the documentary on HBO.
My prayers go out to Brett and his family.
I wonder if Brett has considered writing a book on this experience. There’s a lot that could be said.
Blessings to the whole Reider family.
I just watched the documentary again for the gazillionth time. And for some reason every time i watch it, it still brings a tear to my heart. Maybe because I am a mother. I wasnt never abused physically but sexually and my parents never did anything. I just hate when a child has no one to turn to especially to their parents. My neighbor down the street was found hanging from a tree outside his house. His wife always cheated on him, was a drug abuser (himself also), her drugs was number one before their kids and him. And because she was up all night before doing drugs, she wasnt the one who found him, their kids did coming home from school. The cops said he had been hanging out there since at least 9 am, the kids didnt find him until 4 pm that afternoon. She was still asleep when the cops showed up. Her brother years before, had a neighbor under aged girl over and they were doing drugs together. She over dosed on the floor and he just sat there and watched and didnt do anything. He ended up carrying her body over to her house because her mom was out of town.The mom ended up finding her body. Then called the police and ended up getting arrested then released. The mother now does drugs with the sister of the man that killed her daughter. How can people not recognize the signs? I didnt know them that well, but I know enough to stay away. How could nobody recognize a sign for help that Brett was trying to say? This is what happens when parents,peers,friends, and family dont listen or want to listen. I am very glad to hear that he is doing well. I did read in a comment posted above that either he was murdered or he committed suicide. I really hope that is not the case. It’s really sad when you have to grow up in an abusive family and dont have anyone and nowhere to go, and it feels like no one loves you. But to take your own life when you do have people around that loves you. I dont know maybe I am just upset, with the world today and how someone could be so alone while trying to get help but people just blew it off. I am a single parent of a baby boy. His father used to hit me and I dealt with it until my son saw what was happening. I wasnt as strong as my ex, but I was strong enough to stand up and realize what could happen to my son and got the hell out of there. I don’t understand how a woman can give birth to a child and basically lose the love of their child and beat him? Thats just not an ill person, thats a person with no heart. It wasnt like she was just doing it to him it was both of her children. And the father, basically to shun away from the camera and not want to answer the questions, its like he is still running and not standing up. I am not going to say it was all his fault, but he knew what was going on and didnt have the balls to save his wife’s life and his son going through a young life of torture and his daughter also. I am not as strong as many people in this world, but there is no distance I wouldnt go to make sure my child doesnt have to hurt or live unhappily to where he couldnt talk to me. He was worried about losing all the things he worked for, for 15 years. Thats bologna! I would rather lose material things then losing a life and for children to hurt. The father needs alot of help himself to be able to admit and talk about the things that happened.
I was channel-surfing earlier this evening and happened upon the documentary Alissa made. I hadn’t seen it in years and was left wondering if Brett had gotten out of prison yet. I guess I had assumed that HBO would give an update on what he is doing now, and when they didn’t, I went to the internet b/c I knew I’d find something about him online. I was genuinely concerned about his welfare and happy to find this website and see he has a wonderful family. I have a special child myself and my heart goes out to him and his wife. However, because he is strong and lived through something unspeakable, I am glad to see he is a loving father. It truly warms my heart.
My nagging question to anyone who reads this is, “What ever happened to Brett & Alissa’s father? What is he doing at present and do his children now have a relationship with him?” If anyone knows this, please respond. Thanks!
I wish all the best to the whole family it is not easy growing up in an abusive family but you can pravail and change it in your own family and be a better mother or father.you can brake the chain I am glad he is finally able to live and finally be happy in life. I am sorry it had to happen the way it did,but he saw no other way I just hope if someone else is in this situation they see another way out and seek help. My heart truly goes out to him and his family
reading more about what others have wrote I hope he does write a book, not about the murder but on how to be a good parent.He looks so happy in the pictures and he has a beautiful family, and a very wonderful wife he has finally been blessed. Good Luck to you! YOU ARE TRULY BLESSED
I saw this when it originally aired and recently saw it again. I remember how angry the film made me then but was even more so 12 years later. Their father was a disgrace. He was sickeningly selfish. Everything was him him him-his discomfort, his pain, his life. He couldn’t take the stress-so he stayed away-pretending to be working. HIS stress?!
That scene at the end with Alissa was most telling. She’s gently asking him why he didn’t do anything to protect her and Brett. After a long pause he said something that made my jaw drop-if he had stepped in to protect them, his life would have been totally upended. It was astonishing. Then he got up and fled the interview just like he had fled that house all those years. He’s exactly like the mother in a family with a pedophile husband. She claims to have not known what had been going on for 15 years even as she watched him creep into the daughter’s room every night. He should have been the one rotting in a cell for 6 years, not Brett.
That kind a of abuse and trauma take decades to repair and I’m sure Brett is still dealing with it. I’m sure he finally focused his anger on his gutless pig of a father, who he was quick to defend as a kid. I wish him every bit of good luck in overcoming and flouishing in life with his wife and extraordinarily beautiful sons.
I just wanted to stop by and say that I am so glad to see that he is doing well and has a beautiful family. I saw the documentary last night and I was just captivated by his story. I am a college recruiter who sees children’s lives controlled in every imaginable way by their parents….to add in abuse is just unthinkable. I pray that he has made his peace with God and that he continues to live a prosperous life. God bless him and his family!
I too watched his story last night, I felt the need to find out how his life is now. I am so happy that he has moved on to have a happy and full life. All I could think of while wathing this is how important a mother’s love is to her children. I have to wonderful children, my oldest a very loving boy. Because of his story I will always make sure that no matter what my children do they know I love them deeply.
Last night I saw Brett’s documentary on HBO and I couldn’t wait to get to a computer to find out what ever happened to him. I am so happy that he’s doing well. His children are beautiful!
I saw the documentary last night and just finished re-watching it. I felt compelled to write Brett and share with him my story.
After reading your site, I see that he has moved on and that is the right thing to do. I am happy that he is able to press on, build a family of his own and get a fantastic job.
Putting myself in his shoes after reading your site, made me realize that he already know he isn’t alone in this world (i.e. the only person abused) and that it’s better to leave the past in the past.
I was deeply touched by the story and glad that his sister chose to make the documentary. Thanks for your site, all of the updates on Brett & his family as well as the photos.
Hey Brett! I have seen and just seen again the HBO special about Brett. I get so mad at that woman and Brett’s father. Trust me, Brett, you are a better man than I. If my parents had treated me that way, by the time I learned what a gun was and how to pull the trigger, they would be dead ducks (and that’s putting it nicely). I have bi-polar depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder and the other one I can’t spell. I am lucky that I was diagnosed early, even though I have attempted suicide twice – hanging (I fell down getting in the stupid chair) and slitting the wrists (couldn’t stand the mess and called 911 and tried to clean up before they got there – depression OCD). I have one other comment. I have/had (Dad died in 1997) great parents and a great childhood, but a sucky adulthood. Even when my parents found out I am gay when I was 25, Dad and Mom said it did not matter to them, they loved me anyway. That was about the time the mental problems started and life took a downturn. I lost my job as an accountant due to the OCD. Anyway, I fell in love with Brett when I saw him on TV and just wanted to kill that woman, but she really needed the help my parents sought and found for me. I see Brett now and I can’t help it, I still love the little guy! I kept talking to a good friend about my great childhood and if everything else goes wrong, I will have had that. My friend finally got pissed one day and told me to shut up. He said he had a sucky childhood and life couldn’t be better for him now. I guess Brett and I are like my friend and I. Since I still have a little crush on Brett, I am glad things are looking up and hope things only get better and better for him, his wife and kids. God bless you, Brett, and all your family and friends! Take care, Ricky Tramel, 45, white male, Jackson, Mississippi.
4/18/08 – I just saw the documentary on HBO the other night – I stopped on it in the middle of the show because of his name is the same as mine. I am SO happy that he is doing well and moving on with his life. I never went through what he did but I understood his efforts to reach out and not receive help. My hope is that he knows God and believes in Jesus…who forgives every sin, no matter what it is. We can never be perfect and thankfully God see all sins as the same – there is no level of bad things. God bless him and his family.
I just finished watching the documentary about Brett Reider 5 minutes ago and felt compelled to go to my computer and find out where he is and how he is doing. I am so happy to discover that he is free and has a beautiful family. God Bless Brett, his wife, his children and his sister.
I am so happy for Brett- he deserves a good life. I was a teacher in Millard when it happened and it bothered me for many years. I felt he should be free and was innocent all along. My daughter was in choir with his sister and she only said good things about Allisa and when we saw the documentary we were deeply moved at her love for Brett. I was very close to families in the neighborhood who lived by the Reider’s and had students who were friend’s of Brett- they only spoke well of him. Such a handsome, bright young man with such a future- I pray he only finds happiness and success in all he does and that the scars of the past will fade over time. Sleep well Brett, and know that God is smiling down on you and your family and that you will always be loved in Omaha.
I am so glad to find out that he is alive and has such a wonderful loving family. Everytime I watch the doco I get angry that more wasent done for this boy. He was always on my mind and I am so relieved.
I have seen this documentary several times…each time I am left feeling frustrated..Brett and his sister were clearly good children, but the dad is a sorry case. He just needed to step up to the plate.. As a mother of three, there is no way I would allow anyone to abuse my children. He claims my alternative was to “throw away my whole life” so instead he allowed his children to throw away part of their lives. How self centered and sad can you be? This man clearly has no back bone…how sad for his children.
I am just so happy that Brett’s life is now so full of love and hope.. Much blessings to you and your family. It is nice to see the smile on your face. Your children are so beautiful!
I just saw the documentary tonight and that inspired me to find out how Brett’s life has turned out.
It was sad to find out he did go to prison for this, but at least it was only for 6 years. Even with our broken justice system, his life was not wasted in prison.
It is wonderful to see he is married, with children and doing great.
He deserves only the best!
It is so strange I am even writing this because I have never before blogged. But I too woke up this morning thinking about Brett. I have wondered over the last few years if he ever was released from prison. His wife and children are beautiful and I am personally so relieved to see him living a full life. It made my day!!!! PS His children are absolutely beautiful.
Do you know if it is possible to buy a copy of the documentary? If so, where?
Also, what happened to Brett’s father?
I too am a survivor of a pathologically abusive alcoholic mother…she almost killed me on many occassions. I finally put a stop to it at the age of 21. She was also abusive to my father, and I was more HIS protector than he was mine. After we both finally got out, I had to forgive him for not protecting me. It’s been hard, but we’re getting better. There need to be more support groups for male victims of domestic violence – it’s a thoroughly unreported crime.
I am so happy to see that Brett has been able to heal and move forward – please convey to him and his family that he is a hero to many of us!
One other thought…in reading through the comments, I would just express that until you have lived it, it is impossible to fully understand what it is like. I feel for Doug W. because he seems so much like my dad. My father didn’t leave my mother because he too was afraid of “losing everything”, just like Brett’s dad. What that statement means though, is different than what the comments from some of the posters seem to believe. I am 31 years old, and my father is devoutly Catholic – I was raised devoutly Catholic. I would have rather died than ever hurt my parents – and so I tried my best to protect my dad and older brother. I can remember standing in my bedroom door in the third grade screaming “Don’t you hit my daddy!”
My father believed that if he left my mother, I would die, because he figured the courts would give my mother custody in spite of the abuse. He couldn’t bear to lose me or my older brother – that’s what he means when he says “I would lose everything”. I was an athlete and bigger/stronger than my mother for a long time before I finally stood up for myself at the age of 21. She almost killed me multiple times – hits with belts, shoes, wooden boards, high heels,brushes, wire hangers; forcing me to choose to watch her leave or take a beating; playing “chicken” with me in the passenger seat while she was trashed; beating me unconscious until I had diamond marks in the whites of my eyes. I am not saying what my dad did or didn’t do is right, but I do believe that he tried to do his best…there wasn’t any support available for him either and being a man who is abused by his wife is embarassing and difficult. That’s why I believe it needs to be brought to light in our communities and given resources. Brett’s story is an inspiration because it brings to light that men are NOT the only abusers.
We were externally the perfect family…and we were always taught to keep things in the family. When my older brother went to college, my dad was on business (ligit), and I was left alone to deal with the monster. Only once did someone try to intervene – not because I told, but because he knew…our family priest told my dad that unless my mom stopped drinking and hitting me, he would make sure I was placed in foster care. My priest also insisted that my dad get me counseling. Thank Father Francis for trying. We went home, and I told my mom what our priest had said, because my dad was overwhelmed. Her response was “Can’t it wait until the end of the school year?” My dad told her no – that he would take me away rather than have me placed in foster care. It was the first time he was able to stand up for me besides just “running interference”.
While I have been scarred by the emotional, physical, spiritual and mental abuse, I do believe on some level it has made me a stronger, more compassionate person. I will NOT continue the cycle of violence. I am now a 31 year old professional with a masters degree in psychology. I just got married to my best friend and we plan to start having children in another year or so. My dad left my mom after I finished college, and he is now happily remarried. We spent a lot of time talking – each to understand the other. I have always been and will always be a daddy’s girl. I would just ask that the visitors to this site take a step back and remember not to judge others – you can never truly understand until you have been through it.
Brett, you and your beautiful family
Please just try to understand that until you have been in that situation, you can not truly understand or pass judgement on Brett’s (or my) father.
P.S. Brett, you and your beautiful family are an inspiration to my husband and I. Thank you for having the courage to tell your story. If I can get a copy of the film, I plan to have my dad and brother watch it.
I wish you nothing but happiness, peace, and love. I finally have someone to protect me no matter what (my husband). You and I have been given a very special gift – knowing what NOT to do. You and your beautiful wife/children will forever remain in our prayers.
When I saw the video I was saddened to see that Brett had to go to prison for what he did. To me, it was self defense! Their father, should be ashamed of himself! I hope and pray that he is doing is best to make it up to both of his children!
I have often wondered how Brett and his sister are doing and I am elated to see and hear that they are both doing well, married and with children! What a blessing!
They are both in my thoughts and prayers!
I WAS A “KOLA”,( A FRIEND ) TO BRETT ALONG TIME AGO. I WAS IN PRISON WITH HIM. HE WAS A GREAT PERSON, AND AN HONORABLE BROTHER OF THE RED ROAD. HE LEARNED AND PRACTICED THE NATIVE WAY OF LIFE WHILE INCARCERATED. IT WAS NOT JUSTICE THAT SENT HIM TO LOCKDOWN, IT WAS IGNORANCE ON THE HALF OF THE STATE OF NEBRASKA. I WISH BRETT THE BEST OF WHAT LIFE OFFERS, AND HOPE THAT HE ACHIEVES EVERYTHING HE WANTS AND LOOKS FOR. VIOLENCE WEIGHS A HEAVY TOLL ON THE SPIRIT OF ANYONE, BUT FOR A CHILD TO UNDERGO THE TORMENT HE DID WHAT THE TRUE CRIME. BRETT, IF THESE WORDS EVER REACH YOU, AND I KNOW AS THE ARROW FLYS, THEY WILL. ALWAYS REMEMBER THE LESSONS LIFE GAVE YOU, THE DREAMS IT SHOWED COULD AND WILL BE YOUR REALITY. WAKAN TANKA, IS YOUR WATCHER, YOUR CREATOR, BELIEF AND HAVE THE STRENGTH OUR PEOPLE HAVE CARRIED FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS. YOU HAVE JOURNYED DOWN A DIFFERENT PATH NOW, BUT YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE THE SUPPORT OF ‘ OYATE WANJI ‘ ( ONE NATION )
MITAKUYE OYASIN
YOUR FRIEND,
ISANTI DAKOTA
SANTEE
This documentary reminds of the book The Child called It
the author Dave Pelzer, he was also abused by his mother
I too am a victim of abuse. I was saddened by the story but so relieved to hear that Brett is doing so well. There is really a light at the end of the tunnel when life is extremely horrifying and certain people can be brutel and cruel. At times, the things which are happening in our lives now bring up the terrible memories of my abuse. Thank You, God Bless you and your family.
I’m happy that he’s out now and has a family. I wish him the best.
I was saddened to hear about Brett but was very happy for his early release. I am a victim of abuse also. The horrible things happening in our lives now reminds me of the abuse. It is as if my entire family is being raped repeatedly. My nephew has autism but it seems to be mild now. When he was a baby, it was at it’s worst. I will pray for your child and your family. God Bless You! T. Jean
I also believe their father should have suffered some punishment for neglect. After all he did nothing to protect his innocent children.
Enjoy life and all the good it has for you and your family Brett!
You got a raw deal but served your time dutifully so go, be free and live the great happy life that you SO deserve.
Let negativity go as best you can.
Hold your head high Brett…..GOD FORGIVES ALL!
I live and work in Japan and have just watched the HBO Special via Internet Satellite, on this wonderful young man and his sister. It is evident from the above that like many, I was immediately moved to find out what became of Brett. It is a great joy and relief to know that he has moved on with his life in leaps and bounds. Oh, the evil that men do!! It is said that no life goes unchallenged, and regardless of how hard one may think one has it, there is always another that has it harder and tougher! God bless you, Brett. I pray that you and your sister have found the peace that eluded you when your mother was alive.
Dear Brett,I just watched your story and wanted to say my heart bleeds for you and your PAST LIFE and now REJOICES in your new beginning.May God give you all the happiness that you so deserve and keep you in his loving sight .God bless your lovely wife and precious sons.I know that it is now your time to live free and pain free.I will continue to pray for you and your family for the rest of my life.Be strong,be safe and be happy and blessed.Always, S.P.Z
I also suffered abuse from a parent (father). Over the years, I have come to forgive him, even pity him. He had a stroke two years ago, and was left paralyzed on his dominant side. What amazes me is he has told my mom on several occasions that he feels he was a wonderful father. My scars, both physical and emotional, say otherwise. Now that I am a father, I can use my father as a model of how NOT to treat my son.
I hope Brett’s emotional scars heal over time.
I saw the story early this morning on HBO – I was moved and angry and sad. Brett’s life is the happy and successful ending I was hoping to find on the Internet. All the best to Brett and his family AND his wonderful sister. Be well and Happy July 4th!
i just wanted to say how i feel that it turned out to be a happy ending. i believed in my heart that you are a beautiful person and there could have been much more the system could have done for you. Its not easy to express things that happens behind closed doors because society have so many restrictions. God Bless you and wish that your family will continue to have love.
I’ve seen the HBO dumentary twice now and I am glad to hear you didn’t serve the entire length of your sentence. God Bless you and your beautiful family and have a wonderful 4th of July.
Man, that is great news that he was released early and has started a family. For some reason I was just at work daydreaming and thought back to that documentary. It was so sad and depressing to me that a kid my age had been sent to prison after everything he had gone through. Good luck to them.
I saw this documentary a few years ago on t.v.. I can’t tell you what an impact it had on me… Since then I shared this story with friends… and looked so many times for follow ups on Brett to know how he was doing.. Finally I now know and am so pleased and happy that his life is good…that he enjoys a family life and is so blessed… I have read so many of the comments in here… and agree with so many of them.. I think his sister is wonderful as well..and was so pleased to get a update on her… I wish Brett and his family as well as his sister and her family many healthy years of blessings and happiness… and thanks so much for this wonderful site and update on Brett…
So happy to hear that he is out of prison and married with children..his situation was soo horrible,no child should have to endure that kind of abuse…and the fact that he was ever sent to prison is a grave miscarriage of justice…I wish him and his beautiful family nothing but happiness
just saw the documentary and i saw it was from 96′ and immediately got on the internet hoping like hell this kid is out of jail now!!!!! VERY VERY happy he has moved on and is living a regular life now, a breath of fresh air after seeing all the complete HELL he went through as a kid and even a teen!!!!
I have been haunted by this story for many years after my first viewing of the documentary on HBO. I often wondered what became of Brett and his sister. I turned on HBO tonight and there was his story being retold. I got a sick feeling in my stomach and couldn’t watch it. I got up to check on the internet of any updates and found this site. Thank-you for the good news of Brett and his wonderful family. My prayers are with you, Brett and may you live the rest of your life in peace.
I am so glad to see that Brett has recovered from the tragedy that was his mother. I wonder about his “father”. Was the man ever held accountable for his helping his wife in abusing their children? I would like to think that the state of Nebraska would have brought charges against him for allowing this horrific crime to happen to his own children. When I watch him on the documentary all I see is a grown man blaming everyone else. I hope that Brett and Allison have a long a happy life in spite of what their parents did to them. Brett know that you have the whole world on your side. We love you and God bless you and your family.
I am so happy that Brett is okay because I remembered the story when I was younger and I to was going through some family problems and I understand that feeling of having noway out I to called the police and told them my story and showed them my marks that I had all over me and my parents lied and I felt the same way so the story really hit home for me but I had one person that believe me and she took me from the problem and now I am so happy I learned that I have to forgive and after years of sadness I forgave my parents and we are now very close I am so happy for you and when I seen him with his children all I could do was cry but happy taers that he got the chance to be a father and a husband thanks for the updates in his case and Brett or Sara if you evert read this I want to tell you god bless and he is right there all the time
I am so glad they both are doing so well. Their story touched so many lives. Their father is scum I am sorry! but to leave two children to cope with such horrible abuse is beyond anything. Thank god he is out of jail and doing so well his sister too. I hope that one day their father will apologize to them for his abuse(the neglect).What a totally disgusting person he is, for what he let happen to those poor kids. I will keep both of those kids and their families in my prayers.
I’m so happy Brett is out of prison and that he has such a beautiful family! What a relief! I hope Brett can be the parent he never had: gentle, loving and supportive. Many blessings to Brett and his new family – it can be whatever he wants it to be!
Just watched the documentary again and I continue to feel so protective of Brett. As a 60 y.o. divorced man who’s spouse was pretty volatile toward me (not the kids really) I can’t imagine how alone Brett must have felt, especially with his father being such a passive presence. I do know how difficult it is to be a target from a spouse and there really is no one to help ya’ there so while the father’s actions are understandable, they are still undefendable. The kids were the real targets here.
So, now hearing that Brett seems to have come out on the other side, I can only hope that he will find real peace within himself and continue to move ahead.
My heart goes out to you brett. I am a father and it just reminds us that we must positively reinforce our children on a daily basis.Discipline not in anger but out of love ! Brett if you ever read this it sounds as if your mom may have been effected by spiritual oppression. You can learn about the symptoms of this affliction at http://www.sw-mins.org i am not ignorant to mental illness it just sounds like your mom had so much more going on than just depression, anxiety or bi polar disorder. It broke my heart to hear that you could not forgive yourself for this tragedy. I’m sure you have realized by now that you were the victim, not your female parental unit. She was cruel and twisted. Your father is also partially responsible for this tragedy. But just as we all have been forgiven we must also forgive. I hope you have healed from this nightmare! you can just tell that you have a good heart and hopefully you have accepted Jesus christ. JESUS SAVES
THANK YOU for shepherding this story. I only tonight saw the HBO documentary and heard of this case. I, as so many others, will keep this family in my prayers and wish them all life’s best!
WHY DID YOU TAKE MY COMMENTS OFF OF THIS BLOG?
I have watched this documentary many times over the years and again tonight. My son’s name is also Brett and when I see Brett R’s face as a young boy I can see my son. How sweet and innocent he was and what he had to go through as a child. I have wondered and prayed for Brett over the years to get out of prison and just tonight found out that he was freed after 6 years (on the internet), which was to my great relief. I didnt know how to help him so I prayed for him.
Brett, I am very pleased at your happiness that you have been able to obtain. You also have a wonderful sister. Best Wishes
Tonight was the first time I had heard about Brett Reider. It made me sick to think that he was put in prison and his father was free. Why the h*ll didn’t the father get convicted of neglect?
Brett you didn’t deserve to spend a day in prison for protecting yourself! You did NOTHING wrong!!! If this had been a recent documentary I would have been writing letters to the parole board for your immediate release!
Thank you for sharing your pictures and letting us know that you have moved on and are happy with a family of your own…
I just finished watching the HBO film and was so taken by the story of Brett’s family. I know what it like to live with a parent who is mentally ill and emotionally ill. I wonder if Brett’s mother had a bi-polar disorder or manic depression. It would be nice if this was explored so more families can be reached because the video diary leaves us hanging. Maybe his sister might be encouraged to do follow up video which could have the family’s update, but also explore what was really going on with their mother chemically.
I saw the documentary this evening. I must admit, it brought tears to my eyes. I was married to just such a woman as Brett’s dad was. When my ex’ drank (and she did so every day), she was a witch. She would kick and scream, not only at me, but our children. If I would push her away when she was being physically abusive to me, then she would dial 911 and claim that I hit her. After this happened a couple of times, it was obvious that all I could do was leave. This could have been partially what happened to Brett’s dad also. It became intolerable, as one can imagine, I divorced her. She actually threatened to kill me, saying that I could never divorce her. (“I will kill you first”.) What a divorce it was. My ex’ claimed that I was a sexual deviate. She fabricated lies about everything. She even tried to get our adolescent daughter to say to I molested her, which I did not. I tried to get custody, but of course our court system is biased. I was depressed, thinking that I had abandoned my children to this monster. I made sure that they stayed with me every other weekend and for the six weeks each summer. I would take them on family vacations, just them and me. My son was going to do ok, he was the oldest, but more than once he would come to my house because his mother would kick him out (at the age of 14 and 15). He would stay there until his mother got worried about whether I would cut off her child support, then come and get him. I would ask him, “is your mother hitting you?”. He would answer, “only when she drinks.” Apparently her abuse was never so bad that they would ask for me to take full custody of them. My poor daughter did not know what to do, however. She became a seriously “rebellious teenager”. She was so insecure. I tried to help, but I discovered that yelling at my ex’ never worked. She even called 911 when I came to her house once to pick up my children for scheduled visit. She was drunk and screaming and scratch me with her long nails. I pushed her away to protect myself (her nails were wicked). Of couse, she called 911. I just left. She filed charges against me and had me arrested. Luckily, my scratches were very visible and my daughter would not back her up. The charges were dropped when I threatened to file assault and battery charges on my ex’. I know my daughter must have paid a heavy price for that. I was too cowardly, to ever ask later, what happened because of this. Well, I must admit, both my kids turned out much better than I ever expected, thank the Lord. I am going to have a “heart to heart” with both of them and apologize for not being there for them. That I really did not abandon them, but could not tolerate the situation that I was in. What ever disease that Brett’s mother had, it was progressive. My ex’ did not start out like that but each year became progressively worse. I would blame it on the booze, but looking back, I’m sure it was not that simple. Wouldn’t it be nice, if our society would finally understand that women can be, and apparently are, abusive people, much more frequently than is known. But I vent!! I am now in a wonderful marriage with a completely sane, caring woman. My daughter has frequently said to me “why couldn’t my mother be like ***”. Enough said
Thank you so much for updating us about Brett and what happened to him. I watched the program on HBO last night and wondered what happened to him. It is too bad that HBO wouldn’t add an update at the end of the program. Being from Nebraska myself, I do remember this incident well and I was always so sad for Brett and what he had gone through. I am so glad to hear that Brett’s life is better and to see the pictures of his wonderful family.
I’m glad that Brett is doing well and has a lovely family. I’m an author and am interested in telling their story so that the world knows that women are also capable of horrendous abuse. When I was a teenager and lived with my mom so that I could go to one of the best high schools in the county Bethesda- Chevy Chase. One day she came into my room after I’d spent the whole day cleaning it from top to bottom and she wanted to use my closet to put her clothes in because her’s was crowded and a mess and when I told her “No” she punched me in the face and I remember seeing my blood spattered on the white closet doors and something in me snapped and the next thing I knew I was sitting on my bed sobbing as I blacked out and knocked her to the floor and was straddling her with a screw driver to this day I still have no direct recollection of the event just what my mom’s friend who came in and stopped it told me. My mother was the product of rape and my grandmother lavished her with love and affection and I could never understand why mom chose her common law husband over my sister and I. I rang my grandmother and told her what he was doing when mom was at work and told her that he stares at me and my sister while we sleep and he’s wearing nothing but a T-shirt to cover his perturding errection (forgive my spelling as I don’t have the spelling correction option here.) Forgive me as my hands are shaking as I type as it brings up memories of the past and knowing that while in a black out that I came close to seriously hurting my mom. I later found out that when my sister was a child he’d molested her. Whenever I went to my mom’s for the weekend (this was before moving in with her) They never laid a hand one me because I’d go and get help. He constantly beat my mother even when she’d just come home from having my little brother. At the time I did what I could. I climbed out of windows and went running to the neighbors to call 911 then when they got their and both my mom and sister bloodied and dishevled said “Nothing happend.”
My mother had me when she was 15. I am now 40 and seperated from my husband of 20yrs. I’ve two wonderful children my daughter is 19 and my son is 14 and has asbergers syndrom (the high functioning autistics)it was difficult and a long haul to get our son the help he needed and he’s now a typical teenager but he’s socially stunted and we’re working on that. The first time I saw Brett’s story on HBO it’s was right around the time my son was born. It broke my heart looking into his eyes and Alissa’s he should have NEVER gone to jail for what he did. Abuse messes with your mind and soul and it leaves you broken in some way. I would like to make sure that people who are abused are not alone. I would love to get Brett and his sister and now his wife Sara to allow me to tell their story in a book titled “The Perfect Mom.” I’ve been writing notes from what I’ve been able to research and my first book “Abstract Murder” comes out at the end of August. It’s a multiple first person narrative that takes the readers into the dark recesses of dangerous minds and calls into question the validity of good vs evil. My ex and I are member of Stop Autism Now and we had to fight to get our son the help that he was guaranteed by law and came up against agencies that said we make too much money which wasn’t the case but we got him at an early age when I noticed he would no longer look any one in the eyes and he nearly stopped talking but like I said we got him help as soon as we noticed the change at 18 months. I’m rambling a bit but its just nerves. I hope that Brett or any members of his family contact me and let me tell there story..All the best to Brett and his beautiful family and Alissa and hers..
I am so glad to hear that Brett is doing well.
I was heartbroken as I watched the documentary last night. I was also furious that in addition to everything Brett endured, he also had to go to prison. I’m so sorry for the time he lost, but I am relieved to know that he has a caring wife and children. I pray that God continues to give him the strength to take care of his child.
How can I get a copy of the documentary?
I actually saw the documentary a few years ago and from time to time checked to see how Brett was doing. I am so unbelieveably happy that his wife is so wonderful and that he himself had the strength to be the father/parent that he never had. It breaks my heart that so many kids are abused by parents–the people who are supposed to protect them. Hugs and kissed to Brett, Sara and Alissa–and all the new additions.
Thank Y-O-U very much for starting your site. Also, GIANT congrats to Alissa and the Reider family for having the guts to do the very revealing documentary. I am sure they had no idea it would be timeless and so far reaching. Warm regards and many blessings to all!
Thanks for the update I lived in Omaha when this happened I’m so glad he is living his life and has kids
I saw the documentary a few years back, and even though I was lucky enough not to experience abuse like he did, his story has stuck with me. Several of my friends along the way have experienced abuse of one form or another, and it is truly a sad state that we still live in today where children are too afraid to speak out. There are so many innocent victims being abused; too many to count. I’d like to thank the stories like Bretts’, not for the end result, but for the notoriety that they bring to such an important issue!!! Brett, you will most likely never read this, but I feel for you and do pray for you and for those that never have the chance to have their stories told!!!!!!!
Thank you so much for sharing the update. I watched the HBO special years ago and was just so saddened by what Brett (and his sister) had to endure. I remember watching the program feeling my blood pressure rise, wanting to physically hurt ‘The Mother’ (Mommy Dearest comes to mind) and protect that sweet, sweet boy. I have often wondered what happened to him and have googled his name a few times, though my efforts were futile unitl today. Brett should have never been jailed BUT HIS FATHER SHOULD HAVE. Brett need not forgive himself or feel guilty for anything. He acted in self defense as those around him failed to protect him. There are limits to what the human soul can endure and quite obviously he felt there was no way out. I am so glad he was able to put this situation behind him and move on with his life. Having experienced abuse as a child, I can relate to what he was feeling on some level. Like Brett, I moved forward with my life not using my childhood as a crutch or an excuse for poor behavior. I am a married mother of two and it wasn’t unitl I had kids of my own that I was able to understand the unforgivable actions of my father. He is, thankfully, deceased (via a congenital abnormality) which is probably the reason I am so well adjusted today. I imagine the same rings true for Brett and his sister. Good luck to you and your family, Brett. You still look like that sweet beautiful boy in the HBO special.
I just watched the documentary for the first time in many, many years. To see Brett’s beautiful face as a child, to personally understand the pain of both physical and verbal abuse myself, it’s more than heartbreaking, it’s criminal what this young man went through. I believe Brett’s father should of been charged with some sort of crime, an accomplice to the abuse. I also feel the young man that turned evidence on Brett was guilty as well. I’m so relieved to see that Brett has a good life and I bet he’s a loving, caring father.
I just saw the documentry tonight and was glued to the TV. I was glad to find your website with the update and photos. Brett deserves a happy life. Thank goodness things got somewhat normal for him. I have been married to a man for 33 yrs that was raised in a family with a similar mother and clearly he will take the scars to his grave. There was no murder involved, however, the abuse occured and it is a horrible thing to shake. Good luck to the Reider family as well as to Alisa and her family.
I MYSELF SUFFERD FROM THE SAME ABUSE, AND WATCHING THE SHOW I FELT AS IF IT WERE ME IN HIS SHOES. EVEN THOUGH I LEFT HOME AT THE AGE OF 12, I STILL SUFFERD THE ANGER AND ABUSE OF MY MOTHERS RAGE. ALTHOUGH I DIDNT KILL MY MOM THOUGHTS CROSSED MY MIND AND STILL DO . I AM NOW 30 YRS OLD AND I STILL HOLD A GRUDE AGAINST MY MOM FOR ALL OF THE BEATINGS I RECEIVED EVERYDAY FOR NO REASON. WHEN I LEFT HOME MY OLDER SISTER GOT ALL OF THE ABUSE THEN SHE LEFT HOME AT THE AGE OF 14. I WENT 6YRS WTHOUT TALKING TO MY MOM. BUT NOW WE TALK AND SHE KEEPS SAYING SHE DID HER BEST AS A PARENT, BECAUSE SHE ONLY DID WHAT WAS DONE TO HER AS A CHILD. NOT TRUE I SAY. I DONT BEAT MY KIDS I SHELTER THEM WITH LOVE AND SUPPORT. THANKS FOR THE INSPERATION BRET AND GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR FAMILY
I hope the Reider family have a awesome life and forget about the past and think about the future.
Yeah, I watched the HBO show too, and what eats me up is that the father wasn’t prosecuted too. He saw what was happening, he even said he stayed away on purpose- so he wouldn’t have to deal with it. He could have prevented that murder, he could have spared his son. But vanity and cowardice stopped him. He is more guilty than Brett- yes, Brett killed his mother, but dad let it happen- let it get to that point where Brett had no other way out.
I have been looking for information on Brett and his family for a while now. I am so happy to hear that he is moving on with his life in a positive way. May God continue to Bless you each and every day. Take care and continue to update us as often as you can. God Bless!
What really gets me is how Brett Reider got convicted of a crime and put in jail! He should have been found not guilty by reason of insanity, put in a mental institution & been given psychiatric care. Over in Europe, that is what would have happened. Oh yeah, that would cost too much money– money that is “needed” for a bunch of worthless third-world countries! “This was once the land of dreams but now those dreams have turned to greed. In the midst of all that’s lost, the poor are left to help themselves. A capitalist democracy. Why no one said that freedom is free. Lady Liberty rots away. No truth, no justice. The American way!”
This morning I saw the HBO special about Brett and it sounds just like my childhood,except for the ending.Me and my brother and sisters never got closure,from a mother who now says that she did a good job because we turned out OK . Obviously this still effects me.I was hoping to communicate with Alissa or Brett. I 38 now with a great family and wife am doing good but I feel better when I talk about it.
Glad to hear that Brett has been released, has his own family and children. The documentary was heartbreaking. I had a similar childhood…the physical part was only when my brothers and I were young, they don’t even remember it! They choose not to ever discuss it, along with my father, they are in denial. Sometimes I feel like maybe I’m the crazy one because I can’t forget. I have a brother in prison and a brother who’s an alchoholic. My Mother has since passed away after spending several years with brain damage and existing as a child (result of a medical issue). She never really apologized for her behavior, my Dad certainly never did nor will.. mostly due to the denial factor. He speaks of her as though she were practically a saint. I never had the opportunity to get the anger out. It’s just sort of fizzled away beneath the scars of distrust and search for self-identity. I never got to realize a justice of any kind.
Now I’m way off topic, I hope Brett and his family are left alone if that’s what they want. They’ve certainly earned a chance for a normal life and to raise their children normally.
I just got through watching Brett’s story and like alot of you I was wondering if he got out of prison early and if so what was he doing now.I’m beyond tickled to not only read about his much desevered happiness but to also see it through those pix you’ve posted on this site.I’m not sure if he realizes how his life’s story touches everyone who watches that doc-bio.That is why even today people see it and then hop online Gooling his name trying to find out the complete ending.I am so happy that all went well for you Brett and may God bless you and your beautiful family.
I have to say that I am glad this young man is out and doing well and that his sister is well also. She dared to ask the big questions of her father and he couldn’t take it. It appears he ran away when things got tough . Even the kids aunt resented him for that . I am sorry to hear their father, a grown man, say that what kept him from doing anything about this daily verbal and physical abuse was because it would have meant that he would have had to throw away everything he had built in the last 15 years . So this parent chose to put himself before his innocent children . He sacrificed them for himself . I found him to be a pathetic little man . He’s lucky he wasn’t charged with depraved indifference . The father , as well as the mother, needed a mental health professional .
I was wondering how many years he had to do in prison. I just saw the documentary, and it hit too close to home. I understand Bret porobably doesn’t want to hear anymore about it, but is there any way to contact his sister. I was the older sister, my brother got the worst of the beatings. I was so scared of my mother when she went off, that I never tried to help my brother when he was being beaten. I never got over the guilt, despite how close my brother and I are, now, as adults. I would like to ahre with Alissa. When they were describing how the mother was during the beatings, it gave me chills, because it described our Mom. We finally confronted Mom, as adults, and it devastated us that she “doesn’t remember it that way!” Despite us having the same memories! No closure, no apology. Our Dad died when we were still teens, but he was always away, working two jobs, when the beatings happened. When he was home, the abuse was verbal, too him, also. He left before he died, could not take Mom anymore. She got worse. We were teens in the 70’s, then, and before that when we were younger, you didn’t go to anyone outside the family about this kind of thing. When Mom was with other people, she was the life of the party, with just us, she was unhappy and depressed. I always wondered if she had worked outside the home, doing something that made her happy, maybe things would have been different. We were LUCKY, we both got out before one of us fought back, Brett wasn’t. I am so happy they both are getting to live good lives with people and children who love them! My brother refused to ever have children, and had a long history of drug abuse before he got help. Now he counsels others with addiction problems. I have a wonderful son, but have major trust issues with partners. Sometimes knowing why isn’t enough!
Is there any way to get a copy of the documentary? I cannot find it. My brother needs to see it, too. Thank you!
In the documentary Brett made a comment that he was an “abomination”. I just wanted to let him know he’s NOT an abomination. He is a child of God and is loved…ad this website shows, by many. I just hate that his mother never sought help for her disease. She was obviously bi-polar or that that really HORRIFIC bi-polar disease that Dr. Phil talked about on one of his shows one time that people just go CRAZY sometimes with their anger and can’t control it. I think that Brett’s father should have intervened long, LONG before any of that happened.
God bless Brett and his sweet little family! I wish you all the best in life and very safe and Happy Holidays!!!
I just found Bretts name in my papers I hadnt looked at for a few years..I have been trying to find out his name and where he was for so long..Like everyone else my heart broke for him.His father was a useless parent to let all of this go on..his sister was wonderful..even his Aunt had said that her sister was abusive so why didnt she help the poor kids? God Bless Brett and I am so glad he is out of prison and doing so well. His wife must be a wonderful person also.
I just watched the video for socoilogy class and it is sad what took place. I feel really bad for what took place in Brett’s and his sister’s life. My question? Why did not the dad or any adult who knew this was going on did not do something even if it meant the mom’s precious image? I hope others see the video and take action if it is happening in the their family or someone elses.
One question was your dad smoking crack? He would rather let things go on like that than step in and kick your mom out. Thanks him she dead. Great husband.
God Bless
I saw the documentry today and I was horrified at what that young man went through (his sisters too). What is so unbelieveable is that he was sentenced to any time because it was quote obvious he was a victim of severe abuse. I was horrified at the father and his lame excuses and how he could leave his children to deal with such a monster. I am so glad Brett is free and has a lovely family, I was so grateful when I performed a search to find this site. I truly hope Brett has forgiven himself completely and not allowed this thing to shadow his life.
I hope they all can find it in their hearts to forgive their father as well, for their own sakes, not his.
I pray God will Bless that family and bring about a complete healing in all their lives.
I was absolutely dumb founded watching this documentary
sorry i needed a moment. I have never been so mad at a parent. I am a parent of three, and a grand parent of one. how can this dad be so completely selfish. to put blinders on so he don’t lose everything he worked so hard for… my god are you kidding me.
I would divorce, relocate, sell , lose, throw away the stuff I worked so hard for. To make sure my children were safe and comfortable.. he saw the signs, but let an unstable woman run the house. he knew what was going on..idiot. he will repeat his journey thru life until he see his wrong doing’s. I would never leave him alone with my children, geez, never know someone might be visiting him while he is caring for his grand children and they may be abusive towards them. will he turn away…?
I wish you all the best Brett. really sucks spending time behind bars, our judicial system does blow. the innocent usually pay. God speed. break the cycle.. watch your children… find your patience.
Love them..cuddo’s to your bride. what a wonderful strong woman.
I have just caught the last half of this Documentary once again, first I will say that here some years later (watched the first time) I too am so glad Brett is OK! Through the years, I have wondered how the family did, is Dad
OK? Alissa is doing well? Well thank you for this page, Also, shame on Nebraska for the injustice!!!
Hello,
I just finished watching the documentary about Brett Reider and his family. I have never experienced any sort of abuse but I can really sympathized with Brett and others whom have experienced such awful things. He was just a hurt young man crying out for help with no means to an end. The Justice system was very cruel in Brett’s sentence. I used to be a correctional officer and believe me, it is not a place for children and vunerable adults. It is a mad house. I do not know his religious beliefs, but I do know that God has forgiven Brett and his father. I pray that Brett and his family are doing well and that they have a full, prosperous, and happy life from this day forward. Also, please continue to love, love, love your children and wife because true, and wholehearted love will heal any pain. Take care.
Hi,
I too just finished watching the documentary about Brett and my heart went out to him. As a child who grew up in a household where my mother was exactly the same as Mrs. Reider, I can totally understand the feelings of helplessness that plagued him. My mother was an angel to all that did not live in our house. I am the youngest of two children and after my brother, who was eight years older than me, left the house my mother took all of her anger out on me. I remember wondering how she could be so nice to the other children she came in contact with and so mean to her own blood.
My father travelled a lot with work with left me in the house to fend for myself. I was trapped. My brother was gone and my father was not around, there was no one to help me. I remember getting beaten by my mother while she said the words “take it like a woman”, I was nine years old. When I went to college I was forced to come home every weekend to work in the family business. She wanted to control every aspect of me, just like Mrs. Redier did Alissa.
My mother and I had a very strained relationship up until seven months ago. I had a son and she is so sweet and nutring towards him that I try to imagine that at one point in time she was that loving towards me. Our relationship has improved but I still have some ill feelings towards her and there is some resentment there towards my father also.
But, I just wanted to say to Brett…….I wish you happiness, love and peace in the remainder of your life. I could tell that you were a good kid who had no way out and made a bad decision.
God bless you and your wonderful family
I sat again, watching the story of Brett. For it is indeed the story of Brett. When you are small, your parents are supposed to be there for you. After years of abuse, from someone who is supposed to love and protect you, and the other parent too afraid of backlash to step in, he made the only choice he could. He fought to stay alive. He had the God given right to protect himself, when no one else could or worse, would. It is a sad state of affairs when children are forced to protect themselves from a parent that is abusive. I feel very strongly that he should never have been sent to prison, but given the help he needed to recover form the abuse. Prison is the last place Brett needed to be. Someone should have stood up for him, fought for him to be sent to a treatment center instead of prison. His lawyer sucked and it is a miscarriage of justice
that Brett was sent to prison. He was a minor, and someone needed to be there for him. The guilt does not lie on his plate, but the plates of every man, woman,and legal
representative that let him be sent away. He can never get that time back, and it is a testament to his good character, and belief in the law, that he is doing well today.
It is no reflection on his remaining parent, as Brett had to pretty much raise himself.
We need to step in, we need to get involved we need to be willing to fight, when we need to, to protect the life that is ours. The life of our children and families, friends and yes, even a stranger. We are our brothers and sisters keepers… where were those that should have stood up for Brett? It is they, who will carry the guilt that “if only”
they had stepped in, helped out, reported the abuse, left home with the kids so they were safe, they carry the guilt of Brett’s choice, for it is they that forced him to make that choice to live or die, thank God, he chose to live. Next time? somone get involved.
so this choice need not be made again, by a child in fear of their life.
I will continue to pray for Brett and his wonderful family he has made. May the angels watch over you as you continue to live! Kim
I am so happy to hear that he is well.. I never knew anything abiout this until a few days ago.. He is a hero in my eyes. It saddens me that his mother had to die in-order for him to feel “freedom”, but he isn’t to blame for his actions.. I am happy that we has a “normal” life with a wife and children.. But then again what is normal..
Bret if you do read these e-mails..I wish you years of happiness and all the love your heart can hold.. God bless you and your family..
I just watched the documentary on HBO and what a sad story! I am so happy to hear that Brett is alive and doing well. I think the sentence handed down to him was absurd.
What a shame! Bravo to his sister and to Brett for surviving this horrible abuse and miscarriage of justice they had to endure! I wish them only the best!
I was surfing the channels and wound up in the middle of the HBO documentary. I immediately got on the net to find out if my math was right and Brett had been released, glad to hear he has been and is doing well.
I have to say though, I never knew of Brett before an hour ago but I’ve known his voice for 8 years. One of my favorite bands used audio from one of the interviews, it’s a techno/industrial band, and the song is on one of my favorite CD’s. All this time I thought the vocals/sample was so brilliant and moving and so convincingly eerily real, but that it was contrived, so it’s really… suprising, to learn Brett is a real person, and what I’ve been hearing is a real person talking about a real murder. I don’t like the music any less, but it is a bit shocking. To say I was stunned the moment I heard the part in the song start and see it coming from a real person would be an understatement. I’m repeating myself, but it’s very strange. I was 4 in 1993.
Anyways, I wish the Brett and his sister well, his sister(don’t know how to spell her name and don’t want to mangle it) reminds me very strongly of an old, old friend.
I am a teacher and often encounter students who described varying levels of abuse. I watched Brett honestly reveal his feelings and was reminded of so many kids I have encountered.
It is so wonderful that he has moved on and has some level of peace and happiness. I hope he knows that there a many people who care and prayed and rejoice with him in his release, his family and his encouraging story!
I just watched the story again. I have gone through the same thing. Verbal abuse. I am happy to see that Brett is alive and doing well. I am just amazed that he made it through this. I wish all the best. I am very disappointed in the system here. The system should be designed to help kids, not send them to prison. I hope Brett and his sister can keep sharing this story. I know, it will help others down the road. I have vowed not to put my son through what I went through. Godspeed Brett. Thank you for sharing your story.
man i just watched the hbo special about u n i have to say i am happy to hear that you are alive n most of all happy yourself. i think the judge should be taken off the bench n forced to watch your special hundreds of times non stop. it fires me up what happend to you man. i wish i could give you all those years back myself. after i seen your special i had to find you on the net somehow n speak to you my feelings. if there is anything i can do for you i would not hesitate. i hope to hear from you man just a min of your time to say you got my comment. you can reach me @ jmrmatherne@yahoo. goodluck man hope to hear from you brother!
I just got to see the documentary on HBO. Thank you so much for creating this website so that people can know that Brett is ok without being intrusive and interrupting his life which seems to be going so well. I just wanted to say that I think that Brett and his sister are both so courageous. It struck me how he didn’t blame his father and how he had so much remorse even though he was treated so horribly. It made me wonder because people often live what they know. And, both Brett and his sister seemed like such caring, level-headed, intelligent people with so much compassion and empathy. If their dad was never home and they certainly didn’t learn it from their mother.. where did that come from? I don’t know that they even read this. But, if they do.. I wanted to say thank you for making such an amazing documentary and bringing that circumstance to light in such a relatable way. I wonder how many people they’ve saved doing something so selfless. I’m not saying that he should have kiilled his mother. There were other ways to handle it. But, after making a decision that he wasn’t proud of.. he made the best he could of the situation and together with his sister they helped others to not make similar mistakes. I’ll end with the fact that you need a license to do nearly everything of importance.. but any jacka** can raise a child.
i jsut finished watching this documentary….it takes me back to the foster home that i was raised in with the beatings and the fear of what would happen if i ever told anyone…like brett i couldnt wait to turn 18 to get out of there…i had the same feelings that he had….this happened back in the 60’s and 70’s when corporal punishment was the norm…i do feel for brett and am so glad that hes out of prison and doing well….his sister did the right thing by telling his story….now i know that my situation was not unique….brett can be of service to others facing the same situation….i belive god has forgiven the man and so should society…god bless you brett
3/24/2009.. This is the first time I seen this and it touched me deeply. I am so happy for him and his family. I was a little TICKED about his friend turning on him like that, but I hope that he see that he wasn’t able to KEEP him down. Brett if you read this, just be careful who you THINK your friends are, I’m sure you know as well as anyone else does about friends. And Sara, thx for loving Brett and not holding what he did against him. Keep God in your lives, you and your family will make it. Much love…Be blessed
I just caught the documentary on HBO.
It took a great deal of courage for Alissa, Brett, and yes, their father,to make this film. I’m really sorry for Brett and his family that such a terrible tragedy could unfold without anyone noticing, and trust me ,folks, it happens way more often than anyone can believe , or wants to admit. Families hide ugly secrets all the time, and people never quite know what to do to help, and the most frequent comments you hear are “Why didn’t you leave?”, or ” why didn’t you do something?”. If you’ve never been there…you will never understand.
Brett, I wish you peace and joy. You have a beautiful family, and I hope that your life is long and happy. Take care of those special people in your life, cherish and protect them, and go on with your life.
Thank you for sharing your story…maybe it can make a difference for someone else.
Wow!! You can tell when this documentary is shown!! 3 cheers for the internet! Glad Brett and family are doing well. Thanks for the info!! Look at how this is still touching lives so many years later. Well done!
well done , positive follow up.. what became of Alissa?
I am glad to see Brett doing well now, he has a beautiful family! No child should ever have to go through that, but I am glad he had his sister for support. Although Brett has moved on he will never forget what has happen, so that is a bad thing in itself. I wish Brett and his family well.
I think the father is really a despicable man for his total cowardice in running away from the situation. This never would have happened if he asserted himself as a real man and real father, and protected his children as was his primary duty. Watching the documentary, he clearly feels the shame and disgrace of his craven inaction; as demonstrated when he walks away from his daughter, after offering a pathetic, half-hearted excuse for why he never intervened. I wouldn’t blame Brett or his sister one bit if they never wanted to speak to him again. I would be ashamed to call that man my father.
I was pleased to hear this young man got his life back. This is a beautiful testament to the human spirit. Good vibes to the whole family (Dad too).
I am so glad that Brett and his sister have moved on in their lives, and it appears that they are content in their lives. I thought Brett’s sentencing to prison was wrong. People who have never been abused by a loved one cannot understand. There are many people who cannot comprend that there are mothers and fathers out there who abuse their children. Many parents have partners / spouses who actually ALLOW the abuse, because they are weak. The fact that Brett was sentenced to prison, is an example of blindness. The first time I watched the documentary, I was shocked that Brett was sentenced to prison. That was not right. I am so glad that Brett is out of prison now, and in a happy marriage and is actually helping others. Alissa, Good for YOU ! Your documentary clearly moved thousands and thousands of people. Dad, maybe you could become an advocate against domestic abuse – alerting people to open their eyes, ears, hearts, and recognize abuse, and then open their mouths, and DO something about it. My Very Best to all of you – May God Bless You Every Day ! Linda
I knew Brett’s dad and his brothers when we were all very young. It should come as no surprise that Darwin, like so many, came from a dysfunctional family. I knew him to be a sweet, very popular and athletic boy just as his son would be. His home life, however, had to contribute to how badly he wanted to keep his wife’s condition a secret and how much he hoped that things would improve and he could have the stable family he always wanted and needed. His denial of reality absolutely did hurt his children deeply in many ways, but I believe he has paid the painful price for his part in this whole terrible tragedy. If his children have forgiven him and love him (as Brett’s wife Sara has told us), then it is not for others to keep on judging him when there is more to this family history that is not known.
Brett, having grown up in the same town as your mom and dad, it broke my heart to see the HBO documentary. Seeing the pictures now of you and your family, I am so relieved that you have not only courageously survived, but are enjoying the life you always deserved. God bless you and your sister along with your families as well as your dad. I hope he is enjoying his grandchildren as much as I’m enjoying mine.
I just got through watching Alissa’s Diary on HBO at 5 AM and had to get online to see if I could find out what had happened to Brett. Thank goodness I found this website in my search. I am so happy to know that he and Alissa are doing so well. I wish them much continued happiness in the future. While ther was a lot of physical and mental abuse in my childhood that has caused ongoing physical problems for me over 30 years later, I was one of the lucky ones. My grandmother was my saving grace and thanks to her my mother finally left my abusive father when I was 9. Even with her help (she died when I was 13) it took a lot of years for me to get my head straightened out and realize I was neither ugly nor worthless.
For those out there in abusive situations or trying to recover from the same, ther IS hope. I’m sorry that it had to come to such a drastic and tragic point in order to free Alissa and Brett from their situation. I AM happy to know that apparently both have realized as I did that they are worthwhile human beings and deserve love and respect and have also learned to break the cycle of abuse by giving that love and respect to others.
I just finished watching the extremely moving HBO documentary . I got on the Internet before it was over to see what I could find about Brett. Brett I know there are no words to say to you, even now. All I can say, from a LOVING mom with 3 grown children of my own, you are without a doubt, a fine, upstanding, wonderful person. I know you don’t know me from Adam’s rib, but I would be MORE than proud to have you for my own son. You are an inspiration to me and many others out here and I pray for your continued strength as you continue on in this life with your beautiful family.
God Bless You
I have Three beautiful boys. My first son died in a car accident that we were all in and I was damage pretty bad.But God has allow me to have two more boys. I woke up this morning in the pain I normally have everyday.And when I saw this program I couldn’t stop crying.I grew up in a poor area but the life I have now is good.I can relate to what that young man was going through.And I am happy that God have safe you from all of that fear and abuse.I will continue to pray for you and your new family.Your babies are so beautiful.What you went through with your mother is painful, but believe me today your life story saved so many people.Adult and children. God Bless you. Love,Tracey Keas and Family
God Bless you Brett and your family. I wish you continued success with Gods guidance. You are a remarkable man and I feel such love and compassion for you and your family. The HBO special was hard to stomach with your father. I don’t understand him, but only God can judge. Godspeed.
I first saw Brett Killed Mom several years ago and it has stuck with me. Not just because it is a moving story, but also because my wife has become an increasingly angry, irrational, and rage-filled bully who verbally abuses me and our two children–7 and 8 years old. I’ve been searching for a way to purchase a copy of the DVD so that I can have her watch it, but I’ve not been able to find it anywhere.
I feel the need to share my story, here. About two years ago, I met with an attorney and drew up divorce papers seeking custody of the children and to have her removed from the house with only supervised visitation with the kids. The legal papers sat at the courthouse for a couple of weeks before I learned that the family court judge was not going to sign them. I’ve since been told that this particular judge is very reluctant to side with fathers in such cases. Fortunately, however, through some odd mishap, a deputy served the papers to my wife, anyway, and she believed she was legally compelled to move out of the house. As soon as she retained a lawyer, however, she learned that the papers had not been signed, and she began working on ways to try to take the children away.
I had always wanted to save the marriage, hoping she would be open to some sort of treatment. We returned to counseling (our fourth or fifth time), and now, since she feared losing custody of the children, she finally agreed to try some medications, which made a huge difference. It made such a difference, in fact, that we were able to reconcile. When she moved back in, I enrolled us in a parenting program where we learned some excellent parenting skills and, for a while, the kids and I felt safe and happy, and my wife was fairly rational and far less explosive. I wish that were the end of the story, but it’s not. About six months later, she decided that the medication made her feel “like a zombie” and that it was causing her to gain weight, so she stopped taking it. It wasn’t long before she returned to her old patterns of abusiveness and anger. Recently, she’s been looking for any opportunity to portray me as a terrible husband and father to our friends, and to anyone who will listen, and I suspect she’s plotting to take the kids and leave at some point. The courts seem so biased toward mothers, and society seems so resistant to the idea that a woman can be an abuser, that I’m at a loss for what to do. Though I’m capable of standing up for myself, my children aren’t, and without me around to intervene, I really fear for the damage to their self-esteem and mental well-being. Brett’s experience is a clear reminder of the suffering and damage that can be wrought. The sad thing is that, when she’s being a good mom, she’s a very very good mom. But when she’s bad, she’s really, really bad. Few people really know about the terror she creates at home. It’s a side of her she rarely exposes to people outside of our immediate family.
I suppose I’m just venting at the moment. But I’m also coming to the realization that I’m probably going to have to visit a lawyer and go through the nightmare of divorce stuff all over again. Keep us in your prayers.
Oh, and Brett, if you scan this blog, I’m glad you’re doing well. Your story has helped me to understand the importance of tackling this problem head on, rather than running away or burying my head in the sand, which I’m sometimes inclined to do. And to the owner of this blog, thank you, as well, for the opportunity to vent to people with sympathetic ears.
Thank you so much for putting this info on your blog! I was so happy to see that Brett was released and enjoying the life he deserves. Although I fortunately had very loving parents growing up this documentary really touched me. Good luck to you in the future Brett and stay strong!
To poster Paul B: I’m sorry to hear about your horrible situation. I hope that you receive justice in your struggle to save your children from a poisonous environment.
How can I get a copy of this documentary? I remember seeing it when I was a teenager, but want to see it again. Don’t have HBO.
To poster Tracey – your story just breaks my heart apart. As a mother, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. To everyone else, yes – we do read this blog and I print all of the comments and place them in our hope chest for our children to read one day. To poster Paul B: please contact Tammy (the blog owner) about a DVD.
Sara Reider
God Bless you Reider family! Brett-I am so relieved to hear you have found peace and happiness over the past 10 yrs. Thankful your sister took the time to share your family’s story with the world.
Dear Brett,
I am very very sorry is happen to you. No one should ever go threw this as a child or a teenager. I was abused from my father as a kid. One of my sibling got in trouble ..we all got hit as a group. which it wasn’t fair. We got strapped with the belt hard like he took his anger on us for what he was going threw from his childhood and what he was going threw daily activities from work..and so on..As I got older, I also dealt with him as an teenager. Growing up as a teenager sucked big time. Instead of physical abuse it was mental abuse instead. He would come home and take his anger on his kids. My sister , brother and me.. I also had a other sister but she was too young. and she didn’t go through what we went through. I still feel upset sometimes what I went threw with him. and my mother never help us either.
I am not so close to my parents because what I went threw. I have no feeling for them. So much has gone on, and then I married someone who verbally abusive and controlling also with my two daughters … I feel like there is no one there for me.
nothing but yelling and hitting most of the time. I am glad you have a normal life with two loving children and wife. God bless us all what we go threw. I also think you shouldn’t have serve time in jail for what you went threw. It should of been self-defense on your behalf. I only one I missed were my grandparents because they were very good to me. I deal with so much anger in my life now. I just want to run away…. sometime….. I don’t care about anything anymore…
well good to hear you are doing fine.
I am in lawschool, and have been jaded by the way our justice system works. I think this is a good example….. Everyday murderers, rapists and child molesters are set free due to a technicality or over overcrowded jails…. Yet here was a boy who clearly was not a criminal, and he found no sympathy from the people who convicted him. He served more time than millions of people in this country who have raped or murdered…..
I am so happy to see that Brett has been able to have a good life after all he has been through because the sad reality is that sometimes people in his situation who never belonged in jail, go to jail and actually become criminals from being around the other people in the jail, and they spend the rest of their lives in and out of lock up. It’s a sad reality, but it happens everyday.
I seen this documentary on HBO this morning for the first time and was very astound by it. Although I didn’t know Brett or Alissa, I felt the pain they both felt. As a mother of two, I feel like I am suppose to protect my children from any hurt, harm, and danger. Because I feel this way, I expect other parents to be the same way; unfortunately we can’t control how people think.
After watching the film, I did have some unanswered questions. Because I didn’t want Brett to serve any time at all due to the intense abuse, I was very concerned of much of the 15-year sentence did he serve? Also, how do his maternal grandparents feel about the situation and are they involved at all in his or his family life? After experiencing hard times during his childhood, is he over protective of his children? Does he allow his wife to discipline them without thinking she will hurt them? I know Brett is well on his way in reaching greater heights and living happy with his family so I wouldn’t want to excavate bad memories. I hope he’s not holding on to any guilty feelings. In the documentary after “it” happened, I knew it relieved him before he even said he felt relaxed and free. No child should have to live as if they will never see tomorrow. If Brett has not found God, I hope he seek him and keep him near and ask for his forgiveness because he is our final judge. May God Bless Brett, his wife and kids!
I have seen this doc. twice, I have always wondered what become of Brett, so glad he is doing so well with beautiful children of his own.
I hope Brett’s mom is just rotting in hell
I REMEMBER THIS STORY SO WELL. I HAD A HARD TIME WONDERING ,WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH THAT FATHER? AS A MATTER OF FACT WHAT’S HE DOING? THE SHOW IS ABOUT TO BE AIRED.
I read this story back in the 90s in McCall’s Magazine, and I learned that Darwin eventually speculated that Claudia had undiagnosed manic depression. Several of her relatives had the disease, and Alissa was also diagnosed with it.
It’s sad and unfortunate that Brett was made to feel like a prisoner in his own home, and his father said: “We’ll live through this. Your mother is just strict.” Brett killed his mother because he could no longer handle her violence.
I’m so glad Brett is out of prison and is now living a happy life!
I Am Actually Watching This Documentry As I Am Writing.
And Im So Happy I Found This Site.
This Story is truly heart breaking, i was so curious what happened with brett and i found this site and im so happy to hear hes out of jail and has a wonderful family.
I Just Wish His Dad Could Have Helped More.
And His Mom Got What She Deserved.
I am so happy that Brett is alive, may God continue to bless him and his family. Watching this documentary helps me to realize that the world is in need of people who are brave enough to step up and be the voice of those who are unable to speak for themselves. I have decided to become a social worker so that I can hopefully help children who are in the same predicament that Brett was in. Thank- you so much for giving us an update on Brett and his family. Parents should protect their children by all MEANS! I will continue to pray that God will deliver the children who are trapped as victims in this abuse. I also agree Autism is very important and attention needs to be given. God Bless you all -love Anna ; )
Your story has aired again….I was very touched the first time and again tonight..would like to here or know again that you are ok. bless you and your family. please consider a web page for others to leave notes and messages of love
I just finished watching Alissa’s documentary. I’d never seen it before and I was heartbroken that he felt so alone and desperate that he had to do what he did. I’m so glad that he was able to get out of prison early and go on to lead a productive life. I hope that he’s happy because he deserves to be.
Thank you so much for having this site.
Oh wow….thank you so much for posting this update on Brett Reider and his family. I saw his HBO documentary a couple years ago and, like the couple people above me, watched it again just a few moments ago. It still strikes me as heart-breaking and horrific yet an amazing story that needs to be told and learned from. Brett’s sister did a great job in the documentary and I am soooooo glad to see that Brett was released early and that he is now a loving father and is giving the excellent upbringing, life, and parent’s love that he was so coldly and viciously not able to have. Seeing the first picture of Brett smiling away with his children was a wonderful sight indeed, and it made me well up with tears. I’m so happy to finally know that this story has a happy ending and I wish Brett and his family and his sister the best.
I’m so pleased that Bret is doing well, may God bless him and his family.
I just saw this documentary for the first time and I really couldn’t believe it. I can’t imagine living life like that. I am glad I found this page and that Brett is doing well now.
Sept 4th 2009-I could not sleep early this morning and noticed HBO aired the documentary once again. I could not pass it up, I have probably seen this documentary about three or four times and everytime I see the love and tenderness between Brett, his sister, and even his father it truly touches my heart. His sister Alissa has such dedication and love for her family to portray such a tragedy with such intimacy and truth. I came to work this morning and felt I needed to see if I could sign a petition for his release. To my delight, I hit this website showing photographs and sharing to the public Brett’s life and letting us read his wife, Sara’s touching words describing the tenderness and love they share as a family. What an inspiration for all families to witness. During the documentary, I could see in his Brett’s eyes and as well as hear his words demonstrating to me that his strength would allow him to be a great father some day. I am so happy to know he has a loving wife and three children who are sharing a wonderful life together. It is weird how life has such challenges but it is inspiring to see individuals like Brett and Alissa perservere through such a difficult ordeal and stay in the moment to give back nothing but love to their families. How honorable, we should all learn from this. Thank you Sara and Brett for allowing us to share in your tremendous life and again for the website regarding Autism awareness. My husband and I have a son with many physical challenges and we understand the constant struggle to stay on task. My niece teaches autustic children and loves their energy and amazing talents. Kudos to you both for bringing attention to the struggle parents share with Autism. Jon Stewart of The Daily Show did a telephon to raise money for autism research a couple of years ago and I believe he has further information you can check out on “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart ” website as well. Again, thank all of you for your inspiring words and thank you to this website to help inspire us all. It has been an honor. Sincerest Wishes
I too saw this for the first time today and was moved to find out how Brett was doing -I cried when I read the follow up that he is doing well and has a beautiful family. My son Zachary also has autism and I went to the website mentioned, thank you.
I pray he has internal peace but wonder why he isn’t personally responding to the author of the article and instead is “allowing” his wife to do it for him. A wife, who was 27 when she married a 20 yr old Brett -still a baby, fresh from jail — does anyone else see the pattern and worry a little or am I over thinking it?
I just watched the documentary on hbo, and after watching, I believe everything is a lie. In the interviews it just seems like the sister of Brett’s is coercing him. Thats what I believe. All of it sounds fake to me, but these are just my thoughts.
Bless you all!!! I am happy you are experiencing a joyful life with your wife and children. Continue to look to God and he will direct your path!
Glad Brett is doing well and he has a wonderful family of his own. I hope his sister is doing well also. His father is as much to blame as his mother and hope he has owned up to it and sought forgiveness from Brett.
I just finished watching the documentary. I had seen it some years before and remembered it. I am glad to see that this young man has moved on and has a good life now.
God Bless his life and also his entire family.
I just watched this documentary again..I had seen it a few years ago and wondered what ever happen with Brett..As a person that was raised in an abusive family, I can understand how it feels to get beaten.. My God you were so young, a lot of people do not realize how many families keep these kind of secrets..May God Bless you and your family. I think that HBO needs to have an update..If that is what you and your family want.. You have a beautiful wife and kids..
I just watched the documentary on HBO today, 09/07/09. I relate very much to Brett and Alissa’s child hood. I survived child abuse from a very early age by my mother, and then later my step-father. I was punched, kicked, spat at, made to pick up dog feces with my bare hands, and the list goes on. Several of my relatives have told me as I got older that they thought I was going to kill my parents. I obviously did not, however I understand the torment, anguish, pain, and frustration that Brett had to endure. I hope he became as strong from his situation as I did from mine. I am a police officer now that spends a lot of time advocating for family violence victims. Stay strong Brett and Alissa.
I just watched this documentary and feel sorry for the entire situation.
I think it was a typical family with abuse running rampant. The fact it was the unusual situation of a mother shows the dynamics of abuse. It wasn’t about who had the might to do something. It was a different chemistry. There was an elephant in the living room and like many times, no one would let that out.
I still believe that the person that should beat himself up is this wimp of a father. I realize he is a victim, too, and didn’t step up any more than the kids did until something went wrong. Maybe he came from abuse and that is how he found her. Regardless, in the end we all have to step up when wrong is done. I can understand how he failed, but I still say that it isn’t acceptable. I have two children and if I saw their mother lay a hand on them or degrade them, it would have shut down. She wouldn’t be beating my son on the side of the road. But again, I understand that in a dysfunctional home with an abuser, normality doesn’t reign.
I know I can be personally emotionally swayed by a documentary, but for what I saw and think I saw, I’m glad that Brett is finding happiness with a family. I don’t think he should still be in prison for this. I hope he watches for the side effects of his own upbringing when he deals with his kids and is quick to seek help so that his children live in nothing but love.
We should all take a lesson from this. How many people knew this was going on and didn’t say anything? A cop from a 911 call? His football buddies? Him? His sister? His dad? It is very tough when you don’t know if it is just families being families or more serious. Or you don’t want to butt into families. I also cut the kids themselves slack for not escaping the parental issue. If someone’s parent is beating them, though, we have to say something.
What a testiment to courage to be able to move from horrific circumstances, thru true darkness of imprisonment into the light of a happy, healthy family. My heartfelt well wishes to Brett and his beautiful family, and to Alissa for the courage to confront the demons of the past. May the rest of your lives be filled with peace, and know you have prayers of support from all corners of the world.
I just saw this documentary for the first time and immediately hit the web to find out how Brett and his sister are doing now. I am SO SO relieved to know they are doing fine. Especially Brett. I cried and cried when I watched Brett describing the abuse he received from his mother. I received similiar abuse when I was 8-13 years of age from my mother. I understood so well when he spoke of his own experiences. I hid mine in the back of my mind for all these years, I am 39 yrs now…..I suppose I’ve chosen to do so and when I have the opportunity to listen to someone else’s similiar experiences, it is the only opportunity I have to let out some emotion about it. My life has been a half-hazzard wander. It’s taken me years to understand why. Well, to accept why. I realise now I’ll never be close to my mother, no matter how much I want that. Even through the couple of breakdown crying spells we’ve had together, I still cannot truly forgive her. I came close many times in my teenage years to killing her with my own hands…. I know what it’s like, to go through that, so much at such a young age. I wish someone had been there to help me through it. I know Brett’s story has and will continue to help children in similiar situations. All we really want to know is that we are not alone….
I believe Mr. Reider is just as much to blame for letting the abuse escalate for so many years, and turning a blind eye. No one knows the depth of the suffering in that home. Obviously, her rage was uncontrollable. Where was the rest of the family? Her sister, who was interviewed – why didn’t she intervene? Mrs. Reider was described as a monster in this doc – I wonder if she suffered from a clinical illness. At any rate, these children were a product of their environment. Her madness and their fear led to the tradgic end result. Glad to see that justice was kind enough to give Brett some kind of life, and did not just throw away the key. God bless him as he trys to do his best going forward.
This is a lesson important for all ages to learn. Treat eachother kindly. Man’s inhumanity to man continues to escalte; poisoning our world. Abuse comes in all forms.
I just watched the documentary.
First and foremost, let me say that Darwin can spend the rest of time and eternity trying to justify his inaction in protecting his children. He was just as guilty as the mentally imbalanced mother. He KNEW what was happening, just maybe not the full degree of the abuse. Having family members in law enforcement, let me say this to good ol’ Darwin: CLAIMING IGNORANCE IS NOT AN EXCUSE!
Brett! You are an amazing human being. My heart just aches for you – having to cope with the fact that you ended the life of your own mother must be unbearable at times, even though she was your tormentor. I’m not saying that what you did was the right thing to do; rather that you did what you needed to do to survive.
I will pray for you and your family (including your sister Alissa). May you all find peace, strength, and joy in the lives that you now lead.
God bless you!
I am so happy to know that Brett is living the life he deserves after such a horrible childhood. No one should ignore children who reach out for help. Unfortunately it is sometimes hard to even get the authorities to take it seriously. We had such an experience when we tried to help my son’s friend.
Brett’s mom should have been required to get help but our crazy laws forbid us to insist on mental care for those who are ill if they don’t recognize it themselves. Once upon a saner time such a person could have been committed and forced to get help. Sadly, we are too liberal in this “enlightened” age and the mentally ill and society suffer for it.
I had seen this documentary years ago, and it has reappeared on HBO recently. Out of curiosity, I wanted to see if Brett was out of prison and doing well. I’m very happy that he was able to move on and live a productive life. In many cases like this, there is no happy ending, and the feelings of guilt make it impossible to ever be happy again. It had to be in large part from all of the support that Brett has gotten that he was able to move on despite this horrible event. His sister Alissa deserves alot of credit for all that she has done as well. I have to say, however, that I was deeply disturbed to hear that Brett’s father had gone to extreme measures to stay away from his family due to his wife’s behavior. I’ve never heard of a father going that far to avoid any situation, and in doing so, he left his daughter and son without hope, and ultimately the inevitable happened. I feel so bad for the overwhelming amount of guilt that Darwin must feel, but he was going to run as far as he needed to to avoid the situation when his wife flew off the handle, and nobody was going to stop him. Hopefully, he has gotten counseling to deal with all of this, also. I try to live with the thinking that it’s not where you start – it’s where you finish that counts. I hope that this family continues to move forward to a better finish than anyone could ever have imagined for them.
I finished watching the film about 15 minutes ago. I came from an abusive home, & all too clearly understand all of the feelings Brett endured…including the desperation leading to homicidal thoughts. I however had a teacher step in and save me, Brett had no one else to care for him but himself. Anyone in that situation would have done the same thing, I am positive. Daily abuse slowly kills the victim, its either kill or be killed.
I love good endings, and to discover how well Brett has done for himself once again reiterates his push for survival, Brett does not sink- He swims! I am also a swimmer!
There is good in the world!
We’re also quite familiar with Autism, they’re a special breed of people.
I just saw the HBO special regarding Brett Reider–I am still in tears an hour later. I had a similar childhood and I think the only thing that kept me from doing what Brett did was the fact that my parents threw me out of the house when I was a teenager. I have moved on and have a family…my little boy is the light of my life! However, occasionally, I am still haunted with sadness and anger. I have tried talking to professionals about the situation but it takes me to such a sad place I discontinue the process. Despite this, I have found some happiness and success…I am going to college to become a teacher–I would like to be the one that sees the pain in a child like Brett or myself and be the one to let them know there is hope and not to give up.
I hope Brett and his wife have found that there are many new wonderful and successful programs out there to assist with autism…I have every confidence their son will make great strides and have a wonderful life.
Brett…i wish i could have been there to see your pain and help you find a way through…I am glad you found love and happiness with your family.
Thank you so much for the update on Brett. I first saw the documentary several years ago and was unable to find any info on what happened to him since then. I just saw the documentary again and I decided to see what I could find out about him on the web. To my great surprise I found your site. I’m so happy his wife gave you permission to print the photos. What a beautiful happy family. The cycle of violence can be broken. He is a great example of that. Many of us watched that documentary thinking: there but for the grace of God go I. I easily could have found myself in jail, but I was able to live through the violence of my Father. I now am married with a beautiful son, and he will never know what it is to grow up living in fear of a parent. Thank you again for the update. To anyone out there still living in violence, by a parent, boyfriend/girlfriend, or spouse: ther is help, please get in touch with someone who can help you. No one deserves to live in fear. Get help before its too late. God Bless.
I feel for this family but it sounds less like a case of abuse and more like a parent who only wanted the best for her children. Sometimes a child’s perception is not what is and if left unchecked it becomes their reality throughout adulthood and an excuse for their behavior. My parents whipped us when we got out of line and yes there were times when I felt the whipping was unwarranted but what child do you know that would ever think it was ever a good time for a whipping. I hear both children say that low grades were not tolerated, if low grades are not a child’s best work then as a parent you should make your child strive to do better. What parent does not want a child to do better in life than they themselves did? They both agree that their mother kept them in church and involved in sports, what else did they need to do? If children could make their own choices there would be no need for God to put parents over them to guide and direct them. Maybe she was a strict diciplinarian but nothing in the documentary proves she was an abuser. Her sister says she was strict, not allowing the children to make their own choices and the daughter says and mom picked my classes. That’s what parents are their for. Children do not KNOW what is best for them nor are the able to make rational decisions for their lives at such a young age. She ws doing what she was supposed to though everyone may not agree with her methods.Their mother is not here to answer their questions or explain why she did what she did but to me, it does not sound like abuse , just good ol’ fashion rearing!
That bitch got what she deserved and how dare the father stand by and do nothing! He knew what was going on, which makes him just as guilty.
I normally don’t say such harsh things but her abuse makes me so angry and extremely saddened for the two children.
My heart aches for both of them and I wish them well.
I saw this a long time ago and than again tonight. Growing up in that type of family abuse is not an easy thing to live with. I to had a very abusive mother. Physically and Mentally.
Luckily I found help and guidance with in my school. My older sister and older step sister spoke out about the abuse. When I got into Juinor High and High School they knew what to expect. What help I would need they provided.
Numberous occasions of Child Services being called and police visits to the house. Nothing seemed to work to get my sister’s, steph sister’s and I out of that situation. I remember a time that the Child Services worker said that if I was deathly afraid to go home they would place them and I into protective custody. I am very surprised she didn’t and I got a brutal beating that night. Child Services did nothing to protect me.
My two step sister’s got out by tape recording the abuse. It was about an hour long of my mom emotionally abusing them. Telling them how stupid they were, how they had big mouths they have for calling child services again and even worse. In the custody case their biological mother won custody back because of the abusive nature on that tape. Shortly afterwards my mother slowed down on the abuse toward me.
The last time I spent with her I asked her why she couldn’t and didn’t say she loved me. Her answer was to slam on the brakes while she was driving and try to beat me again. This time I dodged it. She kicked me out because I was able to move around the front seat of the suv to dodge her hits and punches. Those younger years of my life were extremely painful. Every screw up and problem that happened ended up in physical or emotional abuse.
There is a very thin line but when that line is drawn some people don’t know how to control themselves. That’s when it turns into abuse. After many years of counseling and treatment for the abuse I am glad to say I have grown strong enough to control the anger about it. It takes along time to realize that hitting is not love. I understand most people can’t or will not understand that if that is the way you grew up, it will seem normal to fix problems with violence. Just like the average person shows love by kissing someone, in my family I was taught that to show love was to hit the person you love.
I do believe his story and only because I have lived in that enviroment. No I didn’t kill my mother, the difference is that people around me took actions to help me. No one took actions to help him. I am so sorry that anyone has to go through that in life. I truly not wish that on anyone.
Now a days I work for an attorney and going back to school. It took me a long time to figure out what I wanted from my life. Figuring out that my mom was wrong, that I am worth something. People like us are victims but we also become fighters(not in a violent way) afterwards. Growing up in that enviroment takes allot of help from many other people. Asking for help is the hardest thing for anyone to do. Too many people turn away or not say something. Even if they say something it takes allot to make someone listen and believe. Every naturally wants to believe that people are generally good. Some are not.
I am touched by Brett’s story, encouraged by his progress, and grateful for his sister’s ability to tell their story in an honest film. As someone who was physically and mentally abused by both my mother and my father, I am having difficulty in understanding their father. He is a coward, to be sure. But his children have surpassed him in dignity and intelligence, and that is to their credit. Best wishes to Brett and Alissa. I wish you continued success in life and much happiness to come.
oh, I am happy to hear that both Brett and his sister are doing well. I pray that they use this experience to grow. One thing that we as children have to realize is that our parents do the best they can with what they know and the resources they have. And while we are roducts of our parents we are ultimately responsible for the decisions we make in life.
God Bless and I pray your continued strength!
Oh my dear Lord!
Dear EXPERIENCE,
There is a difference between abuse and discipline. Sounds like you were raised being disciplined NOT abused. Because of your “experience” which lacked abuse, you assume it HAD to be “discipline”?
The mentality you’ve shared with us is the same one shared by social workers & police officers, that neglect to intercede in dangerous situations. Why? Because the home was clean, food on the table, a “nice” image?
There is abuse in every niche of society, please keep your unsupportive thoughts to yourself….perhaps you’re an abuser as well, please get the assistance you need.
I came to this site after seeing the documentary because I was curious if Brett was still in jail and was happy to find that he had been let out and had a family of his own now.
I don’t think he should have been “punished” and found guilty. He was punished his whole life by someone who was supposed to love and protect him. Manic depression? I prefer to call it Demonic Possession. That mother was possessed by demons to treat her own child like that to where he thought of her as just an object that hurt him and he couldn’t escape from her.
It’s sad also that one of his children is autistic, but perhaps it is God’s way of ensuring he never repeats the abuse cycle (not that he would — but I’m sure he experienced even more brutality in prison as a 15 year old child) as these afflicted children you really have to give extra attention to, to bring back around to some semblance of normalcy.
Personally, I think autism is rampant in children because it is caused by the multiple vaccinations they are forced to have nowadays. That’s the cause and it can be avoided by education and refusing the vaccines, but once the child is autistic, the only cure is love.
The person calling themselves EXPERIENCE – it sounds like you are either in denial, or possibly an abuser yourself. No proof? Are you deaf? What did you expect to see video tape of Brett’s mom hitting her kids?! Listen to the kids and the father- that is your proof. Its people like you that allow abusive parents get away with the abuse. Parents are not put here to rule over their children. We are here to educate, love, and protect them. We correct them when they are wrong and encourage them to do their best. Not beat them. I really hope you don’t have any children. Pathetic.
I feel for this family but it sounds less like a case of abuse and more like a parent who only wanted the best for her children.
“Experience”, are you insane????? There is a very big difference between normal discipline and a beating!!!! I don’t care where you grew up, but there is no place on earth where it should be considered acceptable to punch your child in the head! It’s a miracle that both of those kids didn’t end up with brain damage!!!
And, for the record, I grew up in an abusive home — have the bald spots on my head to prove it. Call it whatever you like, but leaving scars on your children IS abuse!
To “EXPERIENCE”: “If children could make their own choices there would be no need for God to put parents over them to guide and direct them. Maybe she was a strict diciplinarian but nothing in the documentary proves she was an abuser… to me, it does not sound like abuse , just good ol’ fashion rearing!”
Wow. ‘Guide and direct’? Does that involve beating and kicking someone in the head and back continuously and telling them they are useless every day? And how dare you bring God’s name into a situation where a mother was emotionally and physically abusing her own child for years. Please tell me you don’t have any children under your “guidance” and you really need to keep God’s kind and compassionate name out of your brutal vision of childcare….you sadist.
I remember watching this way back & when I saw it aired tonight I was like “omg I wonder how Brett is doing now” after it finished I jumped online to see any updates & was glad to see that he is doing great. I shared his pain because I to had a similar sad childhood. Although it wasnt my mom but my dad was the abusive one. Watching the Reiders home videos of how nice she was behind the camera reminded me how my dad was with me & little sister. It’s like they had split personalities. One day my dad would be super great lovin us happy with us but then the next he’d turn into an evil person beating me the most. Always had to have perfection. If nothing was right the world was over to him & he’d take it out on us but me the most. He’d turn to drugs & alcohol to cope which made him 10 times worse. It got to the point where we were growin up & he didnt change. He wa still the same & we had to cut him out of our lives. I’m 26 now & word around is he’s trying to find us & that he misses us but he hurt us so bad that we just cant bare to face him again. I went thru alot with him.
All I can say is that I’m so happy for Brett & that he didnt have to serve all those years. May god bless him & his family & give him & his wife the stength to cope with their sons illness. Watching the documentary I saw that there was no evil in him…he just didnt know what else or how else to deal with the situation. Its in the past waaay in the past now. Good luck to you Brett!
After watching Alissa’s documentary tonight I was compelled to find out about what had happened to Brett. I too was abused by my adopted parents up until I was 19 when they finally got divorced. I know all too well about living in fear and confusion that Brett was probably feeling when he was enduring those horrible occurances with his mother during his childhood. Even though I don’t know Brett, it was important for me to know that he survived it all and that he has found some happiness for himself. I am a little older than Brett and I have to say that there will be other challenges to deal with in the future. Issues that surface as children who were abused become adults. But I’m sure that Brett will have the strength along with the support of his loving wife, to get through it all. Just know that you have alot of people out here routing for you and wishing you love, peace and happiness for you, your family, your sister and your father, for the rest of your lives…….
You GO people!!! Lol
“EXPERIENCE”, needs some good old fashioned schooling!
Yes, say the name of Jesus….
remember you only have the story they want you to have. Have any of you seen the entire family video? Did you hear the entire 911 call? until you have you can not say , with full certainty, that you KNOW they were abused. No, I didn’t see or want to see her being abusive but is it possible that the dialogue played in the sound bite served the purpose the producer wanted it to serve? make the mom sound verbally abusive? I challenge you to go through your home videos and see which of them cast you in an unflattering way…get rid of them just in case you upset your children and they need proof as to why they harmed you ( God forbid that should happen). I am not saying that these children didn’t suffer I am saying that a 55 minute documentary can’t make be believe they did. Oh and by the way, if his mom had ‘ severely beaten’ him the night he went to the party and continued beating him the next morning wouldn’t the police have seen bruises? From his own account he said his mom hit him every where including his face. P.S. I have well rounded children. Who are ENCOURAGED through the word of GOD and their PARENTS direction to strive to do their very best and nothing less is ever acceptable. They participate in church functions, are involved in sports and maintain honor roll yearly.
Not pathetic- POWERFUL!!!
“EXPERIENCE” is a TROLL!
Don’t you have somewhere else to be than insulting this family’s dignity? Make haste!
KAREN said it perfectly, thank you. I was heart wrenched by this documentary and got right on my computer to see if I could be any help and was so happy to hear about how Brett’s and his sister’s lives are, but the sadness still remains that their terrible childhood memories of abuse which ultimately led to their mother’s murder will be with them always. Something that pained me terribly is when I heard Brett say that killing his mother was an abomination and that he had so much guilt. I only hope that he now understand his mother was not a mother in any sense of the word. She was very ill and took that illness out on her children whom anyone on any given day of the week would have loved and been so very proud of. Most people would do anything for a son like Brett. I do hope that thru therapy he understands this and is able to realease that guilt. What happened under the circumstances was completely understandable and no one could ever argue that. As far as his father I understand there are men that are meek and are under that abuse in the same regard, nonetheless he was the adult, the parent and should have absolutely taken severe action and I hold him accountable, like it or not. What I was appalled at is when he told his daughter that he would have lost everything he worked for for fifteen years. You selfish bastard. That made me very angry because I woudln’t care what I was going to lose, I would not stand by and just keep imagining that things were going to get better with a wife that was clearly over the top sick. So if anyone in that family should feel guilt, it is the father. His children suffered terribly when he could have stepped in and stopped it. None of that ever had to happen had he been a man.
Experience,
You’re not very bright, are you. The father HIMSELF admits on video and agrees with the ruling judge that HE bares a lot of the responsibility for how this ended by not intervening with his wife’s abuse.
Let’s leave it here. I know their is abuse in the world. I know it is wrong. I know the difference between abuse and discipline. I KNOW God and HE can never be left out of anything we do- thus most peoples problem- they have left GOD. All I said is that before making your judgement of either parent get the whole story. So many parents have been railroaded by the courts because the whole story was not known. I will be the first to come to the aide of children. I have worked in the field for over 15 years. But I also, before making decision to remove a child or petition a court, get the WHOLE story. Not bits and pieces and breaks and parts. I talk to everyone. Did you notice , that no one in the documentary spoke for Claudia? Do you really think she lived a life that not one person would speak a kind word on her behalf? No, they only showed you what they wanted you to see, its a biased documentary, one sided.
Isn’t it amazing though, how quickly you judge! Claudia guilty, me the sadist and pathetic.Again not understanding or getting the whole picture.
“Blessed is the man who walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners nor sitteth in the sit of the scornful.”
BE BLESSED….
Humbly Submitted
EXPERIENCE
Are you a social worker? If you were in the field, you would be accustomed to the fear & anxiety displayed on the facial expressions of abused children. Those facial expressions were clearly visible in the home videos.
I am not saying Claudia deserved to die, she needed help. Charles Manson needed help too.
Experience,
Well, then God help us if you’ve worked in “the field” for 15 years because you are truly clueless and entirely oblivious to major red flags smacking you in the face. How many cases of abuse have YOU let slip through your ignorant fingers because you’re too afraid to judge someone who in all outward appearances provides a “good home”.
YOU guys sure are being ” verbally abusive”! Didn’t we all just agree that was wrong and all abuse no matter who its against is wrong.
Shame on all of you :O
“HURT”
Get a spine transplant or go back to your parent’s basement and sing Cum Ba Ya if your little bitty feelings got hurt!
Dear Brett,
My name is Kirk Bloodsworth I was the first person in the United States to be freed from Death row and a Capital Conviction I was accused of a terrible crime which is detailed in a book calle “Bloodsworth” written by Tim Junkin. I’m up this morning 4 am just watched your Documentary from several years back I went to prison in 1984 for the brutal murder of 9 year old Dawn Hamilton I had never been arrested for anything before and was Honorably discharged out of the Marine Corp my story has a happy ending of sorts I now work for a non-profit called the Justice project you can look me up on the web site I would like to send you a copy of my book if you could e-mail me where to send it. I was so moved by your “Ordeal” that I had to reach out to you. Try to contact me through the Justice project so I can send you that book I hope your life is a good one too and from the looks of things I hope it is. My best to you if you don’t write me back I understand take care.
Best
Kirk Bloodsworth
I wish Brett the best.
In response to EXPERIENCE: As I stated earlier in my posting….I am a Police Officer, and I too believe in getting the whole story. However as a child that had the crap beaten out of him from the time I was 3-19 years old, there are techniques in which the police would not see the bruising. I would also like to remind you that Child advocacy has changed a lot in the last 10 years. No one in my family really knew the torment or anguish that I suffered from until I was 14 years old and my aunt saw me get into the hot tub and I had FIST marks on my ribs. If you are a social worker, then I submit to you that maybe no one advocated for Claudia because she was the suspect and not the VICTIM. I hope that you realize that a lot of the “social workers” and Police Officers are just as culpable as the “Claudias” in this world when they bury their head in the sand. The father of these children should be ashamed of himself. The police officers that responed to the house should be ashamed of themselves. Actions by those few cast a very bad shadow over the profession as a whole. Experience, I suspect that you are quoting the Bible to evoke some sympathy to your ignorance, however as a victim of Child abuse and dare I say torture, I am glad you were not my case worker…….
EXPERIENCE, I am a deeply spiritual christian and have raised my daughter as such. I have to say, you make me embarassed to share the same faith. One of the other writers said it. Possible you were abused, or maybe abusive. No other comments posted like yours, so that has to make us all think about YOU. I saw two very mild loving children and I thought how happy I would have been to have a son like Brett. His mother was severly ill. If you had any emotioinal intelligence you would have felt what all the other viewers did. These people have suffered enough without comments like yours. go away please!
I have not read the comments, just wanted to say thank you for the update, I saw this story years ago and my husband and I watched the HBO special last night. We really felt for this young man, and wondered where he was now (we were hoping out of prison).
As a child that was abused, I could relate to his stories..the rage in her eyes, the beatings, the shame, the fake outside appearance we gave to everyone. The closest I ever got to revealing the abuse was showing my friend the welts on my thighs from my mom whipping me with an electrical cord. The friend threatened to tell the school counselor, and I begged her not to..didnt want to go in a foster home.
I’m 36 now, happily married with kids and I want to let everyone know THEY CAN CHANGE THEIR FUTURE. I got out and am a good mom. I don’t hurt my kids or call them names. I hope everyone knows there is HOPE out there, please talk to someone and realize it’s NOT YOUR FAULT.
Love and best wishes to the Reider family, Deb
Jake #2, (I have to assume there are two Jakes posting here because one is logical and rational, the other, 308, is not)
OPEN your eyes and you’ll see the evidence all around this case. The father immediately came to the defense of his sons actions and backed him throughout the aftermath. Why? Because the father knew about the abuse and could finally step out of his wimpy shadow because the abuser was now gone. Would a man whose wife was just murdered do this if abuse had not occurred?! USE YOUR BRAIN!
Jake,
If you watched the documentary and had the ability to comprehend the material, you’d remember that his friends from the past that were interviewed recalled seeing bruises on him.
hi, i’m 24 yrs old and for the first time i seen the story on hbo which included his sister interviewing
him it saddened and touched me but i am glad that brett is alive and has a beauiful family. It just goes to show that there can be a happy ending for everyone after all.
Experience – you have a right to your opinion just like everyone else. Debate is good, as long as it isn’t ugly. Thankfully, your opinion has absolutely no influence on Brett’s life. Jake’s comment however, just needs to be deleted – and I have asked Tammy to do so. Brett lives in the “now” and is a frequent contributor to our family/business blog at:
http://www.snugfits.com/blog.html
I have asked Tammy to revise the post to include this. We welcome all friendly, kind-hearted visitors. We also welcome relevant posts. Anything otherwise will be deleted… just an FYI!
Thanks Sara! I deleted Jake’s comment and I will add the link to your family blog. I sincerely hope that people visit you in a respectful way. Tammy
I just want to clarify that if you would like to become friends with our family and discuss things that are currently important in our life, please visit and comment on our blog. If you would like to discus Brett’s crime, this site would be the forum to do so.
As a mother I couldn’t imagine doing anything like that, and I feel awful that Bret never felt the love from his mother that I feel for my son.
I just saw the last 20 minutes of this documentary last night for the first time. I hope to catch it when it repeats. I was outraged by Brett’s spineless father. I was sickened by his pathetic words when his daughter asked why as a parent didn’t he protect his children. What a selfish coward and loser. Rather than save his children, he wanted to save his sorry a**. They should have incarcerated him for child neglect and endangerment. I echo the sentiments of the rest of the parents who wrote here. I would give up EVERYTHING for the safety and welfare of my children. God Bless Brett and his family.
I have so much in common with Brett.. My abusive mother was named Claudia.. I often dreamt of killing her..to get out of my situation, but I didnt. I moved in with my father..as they were divorced. I also went on to have two boys..both with autism.
I feel such a kinship to him. I am so glad he is doing well.
I just watched the documentary about Brett & his family. My sister and I lived in a household very much like Brett & his sister’s. Our mother was very verbally abusive, cruel and sometimes physically abusive, and our father, like Brett’s, chose to ignore what was happening as long as her wrath didn’t come his way, leaving us to fend for ourselves.
I am really pleased to read that things in Brett’s life are going so well, he deserve’s all the happiness’s in life, especially having survived such a nightmare. I just wanted to thank them for making the film and wish Brett and his family well.
Wow. Just saw the docmentary and heard about the story for the first time. Immediately went on the internet fearing the worst for this boy and his future. I was glad to see that things worked out for him. And it certainly seems like he’s not continuing the legacy of abuse which often happens. I wish him, his family and his sister’s family well.
Wow. I just watched that documentary that Brett’s sister made about him and his crime. I have never looked anything up on the internet in regards to watching something on tv. I just wanted to make sure that Brett was ok and if he had even been released yet. My prayers were answered right away when I found this site. My prayers will continue to go out to Brett and his family, as well as his dad and sister’s family. I cannot imagine living thru what he has and I hope he has found peace in his life with his children and wife.
No one can understand why what happened, happened. Everyone handles situations ie; all types of ABUSE – differently. Clearly Brett snapped and accedently killed his mother. Eventually the abuse stops one way or another, unfortunately in this situation a person was killed and someone lost a part of their childhood in prison. There was a time when children were seen and not heard, Thank God that the system has changed and that there are more and more people who are willing to get involved no matter what the consequences are. Everyone has their own opinions as to what could have or should have been done, but the most important thing now is that Brett survived and seems to be doing well. As for his sister Alissa I believe that making the documentary helped in some way with closure, you can tell in the way she talks it seems desperate and haunting. I hope that she is doing well. The more one talks about things that weigh heavy in your heart the better one feels. My mother was abusive to all 9 of us, some people would wonder how we survived and how we did not inherit the same traits. As adults we found out that she suffered from OCD, Manic-Depression and Schizophrenia. By us siblings talking about it we help each other out emotionally, much like Brett and Alissa do.
Hi Brett…My Heart went out to you and your dad and sister after I had seen this documentary a couple of times. Some much we hear about these types of situations but it’s always the husband who does this to his wife and kids. I’m glad your sister implemented this documentary and let people know that type this of behavior does happen. Im glad you were able to get out and start your own life. If I were a mom I could not imagine doing the things that you and your sister experience in your household at that time. I just could not fathom what I would have done if I were in your shoes at that time. Good luck to you and your family.
I just watched the HBO film again. I was surprised to see that Brett’s family has now included a website for their business. Reading through Brett’s postings, it is certainly clear that he is a tremendous dad. I always have liked happy endings.
After watching the documentary, I was moved to find an update. I am so grateful for this website. I was relieved to read all the wonderful things going on in their lives. I cannot imagine how awful it was for him, but I am delighted to know that he is okay. Despite their challenges with an austistic son, his family has taken that situation and turned it into a positive one. I have never been so moved to search the internet for someone and I am thrilled! Love and light…
Just watched the 2nd half of the documentary again tonite on HBO (I’ve seen it before) and went searching for an update and was glad to find out Brett has a thriving family of his own and is doing well. I work as a Service Coordinator for one of the Regional Centers in California that provides services to consumers (children and adults) with developmental disabilitities (Autism being one of them). It’s a blessing to see that as parents, Brett and Sara appear to be very proactive and dedicated to helping their son.
I am so happy to see he is a free man and that he has a beautiful family. He deserves all the good things life has to offer. God Bless you and your beautiful family:)
Tonight in saw brett history For the First time in live, in was very touched by the love that brett and his sister have, im also happy to see that they are doing very well and that he has a georgeu’s family, i believe that no one have the right to take the live of other person, but i also believe that no one deserved to live the life that this falimily lived. brett hope you can live a good life whit your family. God blees stay well
It is with considerable relief that I found this page today, after seeing “Brett Killed Mom: A Sister’s Diary” on HBO last night.
I am delighted that both Brett and Alissa are doing well.
While I often believe that Bretts mom was either bi-polar or borderline schizo,his father was neither,just a coward who for his own selfish well being allowed his children to grow up in a hellish abusive household while he meekly hid away in motels or closed his bedroom door.He is tantamount to a woman who allows her children to be sexually abused while she lives in self denial,worse because it was obvious that he knew and witnessed the daily abuse.While I hope that Brett and his sister will overcome the trauma of their lives,I hope this spineless coward lives a life of guilt and regret.
I am so happy to see this about Brett! I have watched the HBO documentary over the years, and each time my heart just went out to Brett. I can think of no one who deserves a chance at a happy life more than he does!! I can see from the photos that he is a wonderful dad–and has such a beautiful family!
I pray that he can overcome the horrible way he was treated by his mother AND father. I also applaud Alissa for standing by her brother–
God bless you Brett! And your beautiful family!!
Much love to you all-
Beth in Mississippi
I have watched Brett Killed Mom several times. I was amazed when I first saw it because I never knew anyone else with a mother as brutal as mine. I’m grateful to everyone who helped put together this wonderful documentary.
I do want to comment that while none of us can diagnose the mother’s mental illness, it seems pretty obvious that she has borderline personality disorder. This is a diagnosis that doesn’t get the press that manic-depression does – maybe that’s one reason a number of people posting here have assumed the mother was bipolar. But I would guess that any child raised by a borderline parent suffers devastating consequences.
Borderline personality disorder has a number of specific characteristics that distinguish it from manic-depression, alcoholism/drug addiction, depression, anxiety disorders and other mental illnesses. For me, this documentary shed necessary light on a mental illness that is not generally a part of the public consciousness and has received little publicity.
I watched the HBO Documentary this past weekend and was mesmerized. I just could not stop watching. Soon after it was over, I had emense feelings of agony for Brett and his sister. After much deep thought all week, I decided to google his name, I just had to know what became of Brett. I was elated to find this site! Please have a beautiful, fullfilling life!
Donna in AZ.
First I would like to say how very relieved I was when I found this site and could get an update on Brett. This doc. has moved me in so many ways and I watch it every time I get a chance. It’s just one of the many things that remind me of how lucky I am to get the second chance I did. I grew up in a physically and sexually abusive household and also had thoughts of not only doing something to my abusers but, at the age of 8, had my first suicidal thought. Instead of acting upon on it, though, I became an alcoholic, drug addict, and engaged in promiscuity. Before I became a mother I always told myself,” do the opposite of my parents and I would be the perfect mother”. But when I became a mother I eventually realized that I too had a problem. I never beat my children but struggled with horrible thoughts and visions. I love my children and would die for them, but I new something was wrong. Luckily for me others in my life seen the depression and got me help. I am treated for bipolar (manic depression) and borderline personality disorder.I just want to let peoply know that the saying “the abused always become the abuser” is not always true. But if it is true please do not be ashamed to ask for help. You’ll never know who’s life your saving. And if you know someone who needs help please step in. I’m happy today and more importantly my children are. Best wishes to all who have to go through the torture of abuse. I hope all stay true and safe. Best wishes to Brett and his beautiful family.
Brett,
I’m a 65 year old man that grew up like you. I’m sorry you had to go through this and would like to make one simple statement.
Just be a good dad.
Jim/Florida
Just saw the Documentary. Sad story, Thanks for the updated info. Good to know he was released and has sucessfully moved on. Alissa did a great job – not just the end product but to actually go thru w/ the project to begin with. It was a story that should be known. Hopefully it will help others in the same situation. Wish them all the best.
Hi, I just finished watching the documentary….had never seen it before. I’m a few years older than Alissa probably and realized that they were my contemporaries. It’s great to find out that he is doing well. I feel so bad that a straight-A student, all-American athlete with looks and charm didn’t have he opportunity that the rest of us did to go on to college and pursue an advanced degree. I looked at Brett and Sara’s site. They seem to have a fulfilling and loving life.
Thanks for this webpage!
just want to send my heartfelt blessings to the reider family.. may you always find happiness & peace. i know all to well the pain.. your children are beautiful. goodluckluck
Brett’s story made me cry, it also made me think about my own kids. I could not even imagine my kids going through what he went through. I lay most of the blame on his father. He should have stepped in and done something. It should have been Brett’s father that served the murder sentence not Brett. At the end of the documentary when their father walked out just showed how he must have handled the situation when times got hard with his wife. He left his kids to deal with everything. God Bless Brett and Alissa.
I 1st saw this doc. yrs ago and I cried..I saw the doc. again today and this time I decided 2 google Brett..I’m so happy 2 hear that he got out of jail early and that he’s married with children..HBO should write a something at the end letting people know that he’s fine..I felt so bad when for him when I 1st saw it but now I’m glad that he is fine..I understand why he did it but I think he should of tried to get her help..He should of told an adult not his friends..
I had watched this HBO documentary a few years ago, perhaps more, as my oldest is now 6 and I am sure I had not seen it since he was born. Now having 2 boys, it struck me all the more as one of the saddest things I have ever witnessed. What a horrible homelife these kids endured….a woman who was never told no can be a very dangerous weapon in the lives of those who enable her. How beaten down do you ahve to be as a husband and as her sibling(s) to not recognize what was happening in that home? Why did no one step up to protect Alissa and Brett? It is no wonder he felt he had to do something so drastic: he was a child. I was very relieved to read that he only served 3 yrs of the sentence and it is wonderful to see him thriving in NC with a loving family supporting him. I feel strongly that it is not the life you have lived, but how you are living your life going forward that is the true measure of a man. Seems that he has stopped the cycle of abuse at his mother and that is a very special thing. I hope Alissa is continuing to thrive as well….their story will stay with me and will change me in ways I am sure I have yet to discover…blessings to all who suffered this tragedy….
I just watched the document. 9/25/09 for the first time. I am 55 years old and sat listening to ever word, every thought, every question. You see, this also was MY CHILDHOOD, until my mom died of cancer when I was 20.
All us abused kids just thought it was normal. Someday it will get better. If I try just a little harder it won’t happen again. I am not talking about a belt across your butt…I am talking punched, kicked, cut, bruised, stitches, cuts on my scalp from the hole left from the batches of hair pulled out of my scalp and broken bones. The hospital knew me by my first name…..I was the accident child…the adventurous child, the wild child…the doctors called it anything but an abused child. Back then “WHAT WENT ON BEHIND CLOSED DOORS,STAYED THERE”theory, was just an excuse for do not get involved.
Until the past few years, although I knew I was abused, I did not realize that my mom was a very sick person. A day after the beating, I could usually count on her not talking to me, ignoring I was even in the same room, sometimes for days…weeks. I always felt it was the fact she did not ever what the chance of me questioning her about the beating. Not that I ever could be brave enough to ask her. The other side of her sickness was ,the day after a beating she would bring me out for a treat…the ice cream store…a new outfit…a toy…a road trip. Something big ..in her way , I guess of making herself feel good for her doing bad things. Who knows!
There was seldom A reason..I deserved a beating. I remember I was about 9-10 and a high school boy about 16-18, had pulled me in my back yard , covered my mouth,ripped my clothes off and RAPED me..I was hysterical and bruised up from him holding me down . All of a sudden my mom came from somewhere and started screaming..the teenager ran away. I remember how emotional I was something so scary just happened and for ONCE my mom was my protector..suddenly she picked up my clothes and pulled my naked body in the house and beat me so bad because I was a slut and whore and she would be ashamed by the neighbors, if this got out.
So…I would like to say “THANK YOU” to the person who started this web page..to Brett for his story and the fact…we abusers..emotional, physical, mental and sexual like me and him can live a normal..caring life as people and parents, to the sister for the film telling us millions of abused people…we can admit it happened.
To their dad…like my dad…spouses can be abused also.
Hello All,
I just watched the documentary that was on HBO this morning and wondered how Brett was doing. I am happy to know he is leaving a ‘normal’ life. I have a nephew is has Autism. I know how dedicated you have to be as a parent to the well being and development of your children. I just want to say, like Brett, I was also abused by my mother and swore I would be a different parent to my children. I like to say that I have succeeded in my venture. Any form of abuse is such a hard thing to deal with, but as a child, to be abused by your mother takes abuse to a whole new demention. My mother and I are fine today because I too prayed that it would get better. There’s still some unresolved emotion on my mothers part where she still feels guilty especially when she sees how I interact with my own children. I think that’s why (even as an adult) I hate to see an underdog or people picking on someone else. I am truly happy that you (Brett) have been able to overcome this tragic event in your life. I am happy that you wife did not judge for this and opened her heart to you (this speaks volumes about the women she is). I am also happy you have finally found love. May GOD continue to bless you and your family. It’s just a testiment that prayers are heard and acted upon.
Hi Brett , Allisa and Sara,
I just watched the HBO show on the both of you when you were in your teens, it broke my heart. I am soo sorry you both had to grow up like that, in which SHOULD have been the best years of your life. Dating, growing up….just being a teenager! And the stupidity of that cop!!! Brett, you did what you had to do, SELF DEFENSE.
God Bless you & sister & both your wifes and husbands. Most of all, congraulations on your children, I know in my heart you both will be very Loving & Caring parents. May Almighty God keep his mighty arm out stretched and protect you all for the rest of your lifes. May his peace and love be with you always.
Cynthia in Fl.
This morning, Sept 26, 2009 was my first time seeing the HBO doc BRETT KILLED MOM: A SISTER”S DIARY. I was moved with compassion with the abuse that these children suffer at the hands of a sick mother. I totally feel sorry for the husband/dad also who did nothing to protect his children. I had to find out what happened to Brett, because I knew he could not have remained in jail for the stated sentence. Thank you for your website, which puts closure to his life. I’m so glad to see the pictures of his beautiful wife and family. I am a Christian and from this day forward, I will never stop praying for Brett, his wife Sara, and their children, his sister Alissa, and her family, their father and all who were affected. I pray God gives them all total and complete healing.
Hello to Brett, wife and kids,
After watching this Doco on you Brett and the suffering you and your sister went through, it has made me more aware ( Dad of 5 children ) to be stronger and supportive to my children if/when my wife becomes abusive, verbally and physically. Best wishes and God bless you and your family. NZ.
Hi to Brett & your beautiful family.I just wanted to wish you guys all the happiness in the world all the way from Australia……..good luck guys!!
I just watched the doc.
I’m just saddened that the father couldn’t open his eye’s and do anything to help. I feel very sorry for the children. Australia
We watch from the other side of the world and the pain and sadness is universal.
Thank you Alissa for the courage and honesty with which you told your story.
Thank you Brett for living the life you are truly deserving of.
To you both – feel no shame, no guilt and no regret. Bask in your freedom.
From Melbourne, Australia.
Just finished watching the documentry “Brett Killed Mom”…. Fortunately I was raised in a very loving family and hopefully it reflected in my ability to cope as a parent.
It’s unfortunate not all of us a blessed with the same luck.
Parenting is not easy, not everyone is blessed with the skills to provide a happy, safe environment which allows us to flourish and develop as adults.
I wish Brett and his lovely family a bright and very positive future…. he deserves to be given the respect to put the past behind him and live the rest of his life in peace and harmony… a life I’m sure he would have loved to have had himself in his growing years.
Best wishes
Tracey (Australia)
i just watched the doc about bret and had to find him on the net to make sure he is ok and havin a good life it must of been hard livin with what he had done but really what else could of been done what i want to say is every thin happens for a reason and every one makes mistakes im only 19 n i have a whole life full of mistakes but now i have my little boy i realise life is worth living and living good its made my day to see bret has pulled through and found a happy and loving family he is my inspiration to keep living and for that i thank him from the bottom of my heart
good luck in the future
sharni xoxo
I too have just finished watching the documentary. In no way at all is this written in any support of Brett’s abusive Mum, however one could very well assume the mother too would have been raised under similar circumstances herself. I can only plead too all those who have experienced any form of mental and physical abuse from their upbringings to “break the cycle” as they say. If you feel or a concerned you may not cope with having children due to your personal childhood experiences, I would strongly suggest to “please” be brave and open up, talk about this to supportive and understanding friends and experienced mediators and totally remove yourself from any emotional baggage prior to starting a family. Parenting is definitely the biggest challenge life offers you. I have the most beautiful 15 yr old boy who i am soo proud of. He will only endure my full and total 100 percent encouragement , love and support until i am in a pine box 6 feet under ground! Brett you enjoy your kids and your life you should have a zero conscious of the past. The system failed you terribly your sister is gorgeous and very strong too! Brent [New Zealand]
i have just finished watching the documentary .your life must of been hell to do what you did and i feel for you . your sister is amazing you should be proud of her ..im so glad you are out of prison..dont feel guilty for what you did leave it in the past or it will destroy what im sure to be a great life you now have with your wife and beautiful boys …
all the best for your future …sharon ( australia)
I am watching the documentary as we speak…I live in Australia and it is playing on Austar (Foxtel) I have seen it before but am glad that it s playing again….I hope Brett & his family are happy living their lives with peace and contentment…Everybody has an opinion but Nobody has the right to judge…Unless you were there and you lived with the circumstances there is always 3 sides to a story….My side, your side & the truths side….. I wish them the best and hope life is kinder to you now in your adult years…Enjoy them my friend…I believe you deserve it….
i have just finished watchin the documentary, brett killed mom a sisters story and it shook me right to the core..i couldnt believe the abuse suffered at the hands of this so called perfect mother….and i totally agree with the afore mentioned comments, the juducial system is screwed for sending that young boy to prison for nothing more than self defense.
i am so happy that brett has moved on and now has children of his own who he absolutly adores
i wish brett and his family all the best for the future and was wondering if anybody knows if he is still in contact with the cardboard cut out of a man they call his father??
so wonder what else goes on behind the white picket fences in middle america???
huh
you are an extremely strong man and for a child to be put through that hell you must have been even stronger as a boy, i cannot express how sad i am to see the things Brett went through as a boy and i am an Australian single mother with a 12 year old son and things get hard but never hard enough to ever abuse my child, weather its tough times or an illness that is to blame for her actions you should have been protected and you were not at all by either of your parents. you have one amazing sister and i am sure you share an amazing bond with her the documentary made me cry and so did the injustice that went your way.
Dear Tammy,
Thanks for the site that is allowing those like myself to become updated. It is a shame so many people are passing judgement on Brett’s father. Brett himself in the doco displays a wisdom beyond his years when Alissa tries to explore this. They were ALL victims! As someone who can not have kids due to biological reasons, it is lovely to see the photos of his beautiful wife and kids, there is a real warmth exuding from their website. I hope his sister and father are fairing as well as Brett. Thanks again
Marg
Very glad to hear that Brett is doing well. I saw the documentry today and was intrigued.
Didnt realise that Brett was already out of Prison and living a happy life.
All the best to Brett and his lovely family.
I have just watched this documentary again and wanted to see what had happened to Brett. I am happy he is now getting on with his life and has a beautiful wife and family. I am also happy to hear that his sister too is leading a happy life.
Although the abuse happened many years ago and whilst there is nothing anyone can do today to undo the harm done yesterday, I would like to make the following comments on the documentary:
I was touched by the way Brett defended his father when his sister questioned him about whether he thought their father should have done something. His courage and generosity of spirit is unquestionable.
I was absolutely astounded by the selfishness and weakness shown by his father when he admitted he had done nothing to stop the abuse because he didn’t want HIS life messed up! He just stuck his head in the sand and hoped everything would be alright.
Two incredibly strong and courageous children were treated abominably by a mother who was obviously mentally ill, and deserted by a father who should have known better. What is appalling about this story, which is not going to be the first or the last of such stories, is that a boy having suffered mental, emotional and physical abuse by the person who is supposed to be his protector, was then brought before a judicial system that couldn’t or wouldn’t acknowledge the cruelty committed against this child and instead PUNISHED him for saving himself, protecting himself and finally standing up for himself when no-one else would.
The fact that Brett has come through these harrowing experiences without resentment and anger towards humanity is very humbling and we could all take a page out of this man’s book. Only good karma should be showered on him and his sister. Walk in beauty.
Watching foxtel today, i saw your documentary for the first time. Brett you touched my heart & after searching the web was relieved to realise that it was made 15 years ago. I admire your strength and wish you and your family lots of love, luck and happiness
dear marg,
what is one supposed to say in regards to the father??
he wasnt a man, a protecter, he was simply a selfish coward who ran away when times got tough, leaving those two beautiful children in the clutches of such evil..i dont know how on earth he can sleep at night and i think if he had stepped up to the play and protected brett and alissa things would be a lot different,people are blaming the police, and given, they did not act appropriately,but they didnt know first hand the abuse suffered in this house like the father did.
thankfully it seems dear brett has inherited none of these fatal flaws of violence or cowardice, and has got a beautiful wife who loves him and the most beautiful little boys ever, i wish them nothing but love and happiness.
all the best for the future brett, sara and boys
you are in my thoughts
take care
shannan.
gisborne, new zealand.
All I can say, as all my thoughts have been expressed in the multitude of emails above, is Bretts story has helped me to be a better mum to my two wonderful children. I am a good mum, but this story just makes me want to be even better. God bless both Brett & his sister and thank you for your courage and strength.
I am so glad to hear that Brett is happy & doing well. I grew up with an abusive bi-polar mother & can relate to the terror Brett felt everyday. I wish the best for him & his family!
Thanks for the update.I remember the HBO program a while back and I’ve always wondered how he was.
I saw Brett Killed Mom sometime in 2007. At the time I had recently separated from my live in girlfriend because I finally could not stomach the abuse of the children. I was shook by this documentary because of exactly how similar Brett’s mother is to my son’s mother. I’ve wanted a copy of this film ever since. It sparked me to take action. I filed for custody. I reported the abuses. I had video, audio recordings and photographic evidence of the abuse. I have still not succeeded in gaining custody of my only son! The authorities have turned the other way time and time again. I had one Florida Child protective agent yell at me on the phone and say “stop bothering me with your custody ploys!” He told me that they don’t pull children from homes unless to leave them there for another day could mean their life!
I’ve always wanted to write Brett’s sister and tell her she shouldn’t be so hard on her father. I know from bitter experience even if he had left their mom and tried to do something about the abuse he would have probably failed. The system favors the mother no matter how badly abusive she is.
My son’s mother is now grinding up her prescription medications and shooting them up with her live in boyrfriend. (Who was arrested for spanking my son last march and making him bleed but the charges were dropped).
I have another bout of custody hearings coming up. My exe’s eldest daughter has expressed a desire to testify to her mother’s abuse. She’s pretty shook up. I’d like to show her this film if I could find a copy of it somewhere!
Pray for my son. He’s autistic and the trauma he’s suffering at the hands of this woman and the neglect of an uncaring system is heartbreaking!
I am so happy to hear that Brett is happy and has a wonderful family. I also at some point many years ago saw this story and just recently saw the HBO documentary again (it was on like at 4am). I have never forgotten Brett’s story and have thought about him at times over the years. I am relieved that this had a happy ending. Nothing but blessings for you Brett!!
My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.
Brett and Allissa,
You should be proud of the message you are getting out to the world with your documntary. I was very moved, and even saw a little of myself, (truly, just a little) in your mom’s behavior, and will never let myself get angry again. I pray for you both, and your growing families.
I saw your sisters documentary. I was so sad. I cried. I want you to know that God forgives you and loves you. The same way you love your children NO MATER WHAT, that’s how he loves you. God Bless you and your family.
I had seen the documentary some years ago but just saw it again and realized this happened here in Omaha where I have been living since 1994. I believe that everything that could be said has been said by others so I will just keep this short and say God bless you all. I call upon the universe to give you favor and blessings for all the days you will live and that the Spirit of Our Lord would fill all of you with peace. Thank you.
I just finished watching your sister’s documentary and it sadden me because I was in a similar situation my myself expect it was with my dad my parents split up when I was about eight and he abuse not only me but my mother as well. I hated him so much and I couldn’t bring myself to forgive him until recently, but I haven’t spoken with him in a while because i like to keep my distance. I am currently twenty-two and I recently accepted God as my Lord and savior and I learned that no sin is greater than the other and that God is a forgiven God. God Bless you and your family.
Brett,
Congratulations. It amazing that you’ve survived everything to be a good and happy man. It took a lot of courage to do what you did. I know a little about how you felt; my stepmother was abusive too. It is a true show of courage that you’ve grown past all that.
Bless ya, brother, and best of luck to you and your family.
T
I was just wondering what happened to the father. I found his defense to his daughter near the end of the film interesting, but inadequate. It may be true that to have interfered would have cost him everything, as he put it, but it not true, it seems to me, that that justified his doing nothing. He might well have to sacrifice everything in order to protect his children or his son. In any event, I wonder what happened. My guess is he remarried so that in the end it cost him nothing while his doing nothing cost his first wife everything and his children plenty.
WoW I have seen this story a few times and everytime I do I count those years in the hopes that Brett Reider was finally released and in a much healthier and loving environment as well as giving the love he sooo clearly did not receive as a young boy. I cried, I yelled and now after this…..I smile. I pray that Alissa and her Father have healed after all she did to get her Brother seen in a better life and not in a a “murderous” light. May God give you peace, comfort and hope for a bright future with you’re beautiful Wife and Children, I have an Autistic son as well and and remember they don’t have DIS Abilities…they have DIFFERENT Abilities…..much love…Tammi
I tivo’d it so my son can watch it and will teach him that if anyone (mom, dad ANYONE) makes him that angry to do exactly as Brett did. Call 911 it’s a hard subject to bring to an Autistic childs life but after this story, of an amazing hurting family felt so hopeless and hid so much I want him to never feel that way.
dear brett and alissa –
(just began a message – it disappeared; hoped you’re not getting a duplicate)
i’m 59, the oldest of four and the only girl. i saw ‘brett killed mom’ just this morning.
i was nervous about clicking on, and now glad i did. my mother was at least as violent as yours. she was, in addition, very ambitious and created a very wide circle of credibilty and acceptance which confounded any hope i had that her violence and abuse would be discovered. she married my step-father when i was fourteen, a wonderful man who probably saved my life, though he never, then nor now, has acknowledged her abuse.
it is still difficult to hold my life in grace, even after much work and therapy.
such pain delves so deeply.
if there is any way i can be of assistance to you, please contact me.
you have my heart.
beth cayce
I woke up yesterday morning very early with HBO on and this documentary was just starting, I wasn’t going to watch, but once I started I couldn’t stop.
I had never heard this story, but it absolutely broke my heart watching. In every one of the home videos you could tell little Brett was trying his hardest to put on a “happy face”, while he was completely miserable inside.
I don’t condone the murder of anyone, but after all this little guy had gone through it was obvious he didn’t feel he had any other way out.
I put the blame squarely on the father (and he has to carry the guilt with him his whole life)….it was his job to protect those kids- even from their mother, and he didn’t do that at all. His lack of any type of action ruined all their lives in my opinion.
I’m glad to hear that Brett is living a good life now with his wife and kids….this is not some cold blooded killer we’re talking about here, and after what he and his sister went through they both deserve to be happy.
I just saw this doc.! I cried and held my kids! My heart broke! I am glad to hear of an early release! For you should have never been in prison from the start! Your children and wife are beautiful and I wish you all the best! You will always be in my prayers!!
I just wanted to say what a courageous young man Brett Reider was when he was going through all that abuse. His sister is a wonderful person too, I am inspired by their strength to share a story of abuse. I too came from a dysfunctional family and became a police officer. I recall when I was around 9-10 years old the police coming to our house when my dad was abusing my mother. I felt safe when the police were in our home. I served with distinction and retired as a lieutenant. My life turned out great by helping and understanding others. All the bad was turned into something positive and good. I sure hope Brett and his family are doing well, he is an inspiration to me.
I am 30 years old, a mother of two children, and have been married for 10 years now. I wanted to say that when i was 9 years old i was raped by my uncle and molested for 2 years by him, but around the same time i was also being beat by my mother and father. My dad was a navy seal, but somewhere along the road my dad just lost it and everything we did or said was never good enough, my mother started falling into the same ways shortly after. We always had chores to do but in some peoples minds thats normal but my mother made me start at the age of 5 and if we did not do our chores fast enough or thourough enough we got beat, my dad and mom were clean freaks and had to have everything perfect in their lives and that included us. When i say beat i mean, we were getting punched, kicked, everywhere and my dad had this thing where he would take his knuckles and beat us in the head over and over and over again. he has choked me on many occasions and one time he actually made me pass out and i urinated on myself and when i woke up my mom said that i should not have pissed him off, but the thing that got him angry was my mother because she had told him that i hurt her which was true only because she was beating on my sister and i tried to stop it and then she came after me and the only thing i could do was kick her off of me and because i won it pissed her off and she told my dad about it and he came home and beat me and then choked me and i really thought that at that moment i was going to die.. I was scared for my safety all the time.. We were taken out of our homes on several accounts and put into foster care or group homes but then my mom and dad always managed to get us back and then everything would be ok for a short time and then it would go back to the way it was before. I actually had a friend who he and i planned to kill my parents but one night my mother had some of our family over playing cards and getting drunk and i had put my plans on killing them into an outburst game and she came into the room to find a game for them to play and i had forgotten that i put it in there and she found it and they freaked out and took me to desmoines iowa and out me into a mental ward and told them i was being put in there for promiscuity, which was not true.. A month later they got me out and was making me go to therapy but i felt it was them who should of been in therapy and well all of us for that matter. hey felt differentlyabout that. I then there after was being molested by another uncle but of course mind you that the other uncle was already in prison for what he did to me, which was too bad to tell you al in detail. I finally put a stop to it 2 months later and just tried to stay away from them and then one day my familys came over for christmas and she told everyone about alan messing with her which is the one who was messing with me but no one would believe her so thats when i told everyone about what he was doing to me and then they believed her. I was still getting beaten a daily basis for just about every reason you could think of..Then on my 18th birthday, that is when i finally became free if it all because i got drunk because my mom and dad actually took me out for my birthday and that was night in fact that i got to meet george straight and his band, ata country kitchen inmason city iowa. We got home and i told my mom and dad that the guy i met that night was the man of my dreams and i told them that we were considering on taking it to the next level and my dad punched me then breaking my nose. 4 weeks later after my birthday i told my mom that i wa going to move in with him and she punched me then choked me and i kicked her off of me and then took off running in the kitchen and my dad punched me in the head as i was running and i flew across the rooma nd hit a wall and then i quickly got up and grabbed my things that i dropped and ran outside and down the street in which i was living in the country at this point and ran and ran trying to find a house with a light on and i ran 8 miles in the middle of winter with no coat and no shoes, finaly finding a house , an old blakc gentleman helped me and let me use his phone to call the cops and then they came and picked me up and took me back there and they got some of my things for me and then took me to a womens shelter, i started my life over but for a short time since while i was there i could not handle being there with all the costrictions they had for us women, so i loeft and was living on the streets for three days until some friends found and helped me but then 7 months later i found out i was pregnant and i had gotten into a fight with my boyfriend and we split up and my only choice was to go back home. My dad hit me 6 times while i was pregnant but never in the stomach. I still can’t remember a time where every birthday that me and my sisters had where my dad would hit us for no reason, cause he would find something to bitch about and then it would get worse. It was like he and my mom were jealous of us but for what reason i do not know but we could never enjoy a birthday let alone a life. Then when after i had my daughter we moved to texas and then at the age of 19 my dad raped me twice, and i said no more and then found out shortly after that, that he and my older sister were having relations behind my mothers back and i had to tell mom and i did. I could not tell my mom about any of this until after i was married and pregnant again, but when i told her i got home and locked my doors and my dad threatned to kill me, i called the cops.. Over the time from age 9 and up i went through emotional, and mental, and verbal, and pysical, and sexual abuse and no one would help me. I could not go through with killing my parents so ikept finding ways to get away from them but just could not seem to get away from them.. Somewhere along passing times my mother finally stared to mellow, but my dad got worse. I started getting a friendship with my mom and it was good but i finally had enough of my dad when we found out my mother got renal cancer and they had taken out 18 pouns of cancer off her left kidney and then there after she got really sick really fast. she died august 4th 2004 at the age of 50. Before she died her and i actually talked about the past and why things were the way they were and we made ammends and became best friends after that and when she died a part of me died with her, but when she was really sick and on her death bed, my dad was yelling at my husband about some stupid shit and my mom told him to back off cause my husband is a great guy, and mind you he also beat on my mom too growing up but he told her to shut her big fat fucking mouth before he knocks her teeth down her fucking throat, and i just lost it and i came at my dad with full force and knocking him to the ground and started beating him.. i then got up and kicked him in the head and then went upstairs.. he never touched me again after that.. I am 30 years old and living in texas with my kids and husband in white oak texas, my dad living in iowa, we are fixing to move to arkansas in 7 months and where we will finally be able to plant our feet for good. I wanted to tell you all of this cause i wanted you to know that you are not alone when it comes to these things and I have never hurt my kids the way they hurt me and I know that at the time when you did what you did that you believe you had no other options and i am no one to judge anyone for there mistakes, i think that what you did was commemorable. I know that living with this is not easy but i am a friend who is willing to be here for you anytime you want to just talk cause i am willing to help with anything.. I told my husband that if i was not married i would try to find you and have you for myself but your taken and so am i so friendship would still be nice.. call me birdie… Write me anytime day or night, my screen name for yahoo is birdie3079. Take care hun and i am so glad to hear that you are doing great!!! God bless you all and my prayers go out to you and your family…. sincerely, birdie..
p.s. i was able to put both uncles in prison and another uncle who tried to rape me is now dying of colon cancer… I talk to my dad but have not been to see him and probably never will cause i dont want my kids around… take care and A Merry Christmas to you and your family.. The Sinclairs…
I can’t stop the tears long enough to say anything except I am glad you have moved on. What’s more disturbing is to see how many of us lived similar lives, the cries out for compassion on this sight are endless. Where does it stop or does it ever? Hopefully those of us that recognize what has gone on and can get a little help can move on such as Brett and break that cycle.
I also feel so much better knowing Brett got an early release date and is now living a very happy life with his family. My prayers will always be with Brett and his family and his sister also. So nice to have a happy ending!!!
I also wanted to “thank” Tammy for having this site. As you can see by reading all these comments & stories you’ve touched alot of lives. It’s so nice of you to keep us all up-dated on Brett & his family. You also Tammy, are a very special person!! God Bless
I am very happy to hear that Brett is not only alive and well but is putting the past behind him and moving on witht he love of not only his sister but a beautiful wife and 2 (by now 3) beautiful children. As a former abused child I really connected to Brett’s story. Good for you and Take care of that wonderful family!!
I have seen this documentary several times over the years on HBO. I just saw it again last week and also have watched it with my two daughters. I was always sad to watch this documentary but could never step away from it when it was on because the genuine emotions you felt especially from Alissa and Brett. Alissa, you are such a loving and devoted sister which clearly came through in the documentary. What comes through clearly in this documentary is a family struggling to understand why their mother treated them the way she did and Alissa and Brett longing for a peaceful family life. I am so happy to hear they have both put the past behind them and have their own families and children. To Alissa, Sara, Brett and their children, the best to you all and we are so happy to hear you are all doing well.
Dear Brett and Sara,
I am so grateful that I looked up this website. I watched the HBO documentary last evening for the first time. The viewer saw the family’s take and point of view concerning all the horrific circumstances that surrounded and led up to the killing of the mother. Although the father showed some compassion and caring in many of the scenes of the show, he was a coward and a cop-out when it came to Alissa’s questions in the final scenes (eating sandwiches at the table and father walking out). I am sorry, but what a wimp. Sorry excuse for a fatherly figure, let alone that evil, evil, and MEAN mother! I am sure she is right where she belongs.
Hi I just am glad that Brett and his family are doing well and have moved on with there lives I also hope Alissa and their father are also doing well. Sara your and Bretts kids are adorable just Love them and always keep them safe and secure.
Respectfully
Ginny White
I was asking my dad various questions about our family when we came across the topic of his mothers side of the family and he was telling me about her brothers and their kids and so on. This conversation brought up the topic of Brett, who i had never heard about but happens to be my father’s second cousin (my grandmother’s maiden name was reider). I was curious about brett and his story so i looked him up on the internet. I am thankful to find this website and that other people were/are concerned about his current status and myself wish brett, distant cousin, and his family the best of luck.
Dear Brett and family , I am so HAPPY to find out that your are well . I saw the HBO DOC years ago , I always wondered about you . I see you are very well . Im very happy for you .
Brett & Sara,
I such watched the file that Allissa made on TV. It is 3:30 am. I just wanted to express my joy to find that you all are continuing and having a happy life. I am a 61 year mother of two. I have tried my whole to do the right thing but I still married 2 alcoholics and my kids suffered . I tried to protect them … but somehow my mind was altered and somehow I figured that the verbal abuse that I got would tickle down and make them stronger somehow. It is nothing like you had to endure. I have a girl that doesn’t blame me but my boy has issues that he has to face. Our mental heath is so much of who we are. We must be grounded and balanced. I applaud you and you life. We all have to do the best we can do. My son is 25 and starting to come around. He lived with me at the house and I give him freedom but his choices aren’t the best sometimes…but then he is 25. He always needed a good example of a man to follow.
I saw a piece on TV about Temple Grandin PHD. There is a TV movie of her life. She is autisic and the story is very inspiring. We have to pay attention to this because this is a very big thing we have to solve. Thank you for sharing your story. We can’t sweep anything uder the rug. Thank God that we don’t live in a “Donna Reed World” anymore. Kira
I am a 43 year old father of three and just watched the doc and for the first time in my life I am lost for words. Brett, God bless you and your family, may your life be filled with joy and love and also for your sister too. Stand tall and proud my friend and always remember you done nothing wrong you just stopped the cycle, once again God bless you and your sister and your families……Kevin
Me and my family are glad to see that you are doing well, and that you have started a family of your own. You have very beautiful children, and I hope your sis and father are doing well.
Thank you Alissa for your bravery both in being the one constant person for your brother and for sharing your documentary ….you were the best ‘big sister’ anyone could ask for. I wish only the best life can offer for you and your family and for Brett and his family. A peaceful life begins with a peaceful mind.
Thank you for putting up this website. I recently saw the documentary again and also wondered how Brett is doing.
I am very glad to know that he has moved on and has a wonderful family of his own.
He and Alissa endured sever abuse and I think his story also showed that this happens in homes that to the outside appear normal and happy. It also shows the emotional toll that it takes on children, especially when they have no where to turn for help.
When I saw the documentary, I was shocked that he was charged and tried then sentenced to prison. Based on the background, he was acting in self-defense.
Again, I was happy to hear Brett and Alissa are doing well.
Dear Brett,
I saw your story on HBO yesterday for the first time. Words cannot express the sympathy that I felt for you and your sister. Nor can words express the living hell that the two of you were put through. I am a mom taking care of the most precious daughter in the world and I feel bad even raising my voice to her. What your mother did to you both was unspeakable. How she slept at night is beyond me. What you did was in self-defense ALL THE WAY. You and your sister will be in my daily thoughts and prayers for a long time to come.
I am thankful that you and your family are doing well. The boys are so cute. I pray that you and your beautiful wife have a long and happy life together. God Bless you and your family
While no one can accurately state how they would behave if they were in someone else’s shoes, it seems to me that Brett’s behavior throughout his childhood was indicative of an exceptionally thoughtful, sensitive and caring individual. Otherwise, he could have saved himself years of unspeakable grief and abuse by becoming reactively abusive towards his mother. He had reached a point where he was physically capable of challenging his mother’s beatings, and it should have been easy for a young man who believed his mother did not love him to curtail unwarranted physical assaults by countering her abuse with similar abusive, warning her that it would be risky for her to continue without suffering consequences.
But not even a modicum of such retaliation was ever a part of Brett’s story. Amazing. If this isn’t proof of a young man’s selflessness, I don’t know what is.
Because he spent so many years attempting to live up to what he thought his mentally ill mother expected him to be, yet never making any “progress” (by her irrational standards), he finally broke. To say that he “snapped” sounds too momentary; “broke” belies a gradual process like corrosion or degradation of a protective covering. He held out as long as he could, but he eventually reached his mental threshold of tolerance in the face of devastating adversity. Others may have responded more quickly and therefore, since the escalation would have been less progressive, with less force and gravity, but we’re all different. And I believe in this case, Brett’s genuine goodness prevented him from countering his mother’s abuse sooner, before it had escalated to an unbearable degree.
I do not agree, however, with some who have written in this blog that they wish bad things on others, like the jurors, who were responsible for incarcerating Brett. Such retaliation is indicative of poor mental clarity and lack of good judgement similar to the outrageous thought processes of Brett’s mother. I do hope, however, that they gain a better understanding of Brett’s story, in retrospect. In doing so, I believe they would conclude that the victims in this case were Brett and his sister, as well as their mother.
It seems to me that Brett’s father, like Brett, had a complex, convoluted system of psychological defense mechanisms at work attempting to shield him from the dissension in his household. While I believe that he loved his family, I think his expressions were limited due to psychological deficits (which I believe we ALL have in one form or another) stemming from his early development. Unfortunately, Brett’s mother probably seemed to fill his father’s psychological voids (gradually increasing manipulation and control, however seemingly unnoticeable earlier in their married life), so they married and made a family.
I suspect that there may be an undercurrent of resentment, however minimal or painful to admit, in Alissa towards her father for his failure to protect her brother and her from their mother. (Although Brett expressed no resentment towards his father in the documentary on HBO, I think it’s probably difficult for him to fully grasp his father’s passivity in the midst of the storm, as well.) Seeing the big picture, it appears to me that the love between these three is genuine. That said, it must be hard for a person to ever fully grasp why a parent wouldn’t protect them with life or limb. The need for a child to feel safe and secure during their vulnerable formative years is primal; if denied this strong developmental foundation, the results may be realized for generations down the line. (This was probably more true in the past, when psychology was much less understood and discussed.) Thankfully, it seems that both Brett and Alissa have attempted to understand their father intellectually rather than purely emotionally.
It’s a shame that Brett’s mother never received the help she needed for her illness. As intolerable, monstrous and outrageous as her behavior was portrayed in the documentary on HBO, I had the feeling that there was a loving, giving lady trapped inside this tyrant, and that her mental illness warped her mind so badly that all traces of love and respect she had for her family seemed to have vanished. It’s a very sad commentary, to be sure. After all, if she didn’t love her kids, she wouldn’t have cared about their education and structure in their lives. She had an increasingly distorted reality of what was best for her children, and the gravity of her mental illness eventually devoured her to such a degree that she was no longer recognizable to her own family. Such illnesses are insidious, all-consuming, and cruel. I’ve often thought that I’d much rather have a visible brain tumor lead to my death rather than an “invisible” brain disease than affects my behavior to such a degree that I leave the earth after having made enemies of those who once loved me.
Good luck and God bless to Brett, Alissa, and their families. And to Alissa, I’d like to offer my sincere gratitude for sharing your story with the world. I don’t think you will ever fully realize how many people will be touched and enlightened by the documentary you’ve made. You’re a prime example of the ability of a single candle to light millions…. God bless you, and thank you, thank you, THANK YOU.
I can’t tell you how happy I am that you are doing well(at least I hope you are well). I’ve watched the documentary a couple of times and each time I watched, I cried!Bret my mother also was a sick person, but she did not care if I did well in school or anywhere else for that matter. She always wished her children were never born. On a dialy basis I feared my mother. She drove my dad crazy complaining how horrible we were. There were days we did not eat, we were left alone to fend for ourselves. to this day, I am still very uncomfortable to be near her, I still have alot of hate for her. May God bless you and your family!
I am so pissed at Brett’s father. How in the hell could you let your son, or daughter, endure such abuse from your crazy ass wife. They should lock that bastard up. When she found him after he rode his bike to the party, she beat him in the road, and his damn chicken shit of a father let her do it and didn’t say anything. What kind of man is that, to let your son get beat down by this crazy bitch? I have no sympathy for him, they should tar and feather his ass. When Alissa was talking to him about why he didn’t intervene, that crazy bastard walked out on her. If the bitch was sick, why didn’t he try and get help. The kids were helpless and could not defend themselves. It is the parents duty, mother or father, to protect their kids. He was a coward and a ass hole. They should have found him guilty and threw his worthless ass in prison. He left Brett and Alissa out there alond. I don’t condone violence, but I am glad that crazy bitch is dead. Good luck to Brett and his family. I love them.
Glad to see that Brett is doing well. I heard his story though the HBO documentary. Poor guy him and his sisters lived a secret life pretty much of pretnending to be this perfect family. That is enough to make anyone angry. His kids are precious and many props to his wife. I hope that they live a very great life. So many people want to knock him for murder..where is murder is wrong, but there is only so much verbal and physical abuse a persona can take before their mind shuts down and they just react on insinct. I hope the best for his sisters and the rest of his family and that they can move on.