After several attempts at using the timer on my camera to take a photo of myself and ending up with results ranging from my deranged killer face, the oh my god is my double chin really that big?, the DUI mugshot, the half blink and the no, I am not stoned, why do you ask? Polly came in and offered her assistance. She still wants to be a photographer and I applaud her efforts. She has now started giving directions while shooting. “Don’t look at the camera! Smile! No, not a fake smile, a real smile! Suck your stomach in! Arch your back! Let’s get some animals to pose with you! It’s not supposed to look posed, but pose!”

I was beginning to wonder if maybe watching America’s Next Top Model with her had been a big mistake, although she never did tell me to “Bring it” or to “Look fierce.”

I finally couldn’t take anymore and thanked her as she went on her merry way. I looked through the photos and the only smiles that looked genuine were the ones where Maggie and I were goofing around so I selected this one. No doubt Tyra is going to have to send me home this week. I am no longer in the running towards becoming America’s Next Top Model.

Hair by Tammy using the “Can I skip a shampoo today?” method (answer is no) and also the this is what happens when you need a trim and your color touched up but you’re too cheap to pay for it. I also had a stocking cap on today because I am tired of being cold. Kudos to Hat Head for the help achieving this style.

Makeup by “Who’s Got the Time”with a special addition of Blistex Fruit Smoothie lip balm that came as a gift with the purchase of a Stridex product.

Teeth appear courtesy of Camel cigarettes, coffee and my dental hygienist who WAS dropping a hint when she told me bleaching was half off for the month of November.

Black T shirt and underwear by Hanes , with special thanks to Jennifer Love Hewitt . I only wish she’d said, “So what if I have cellulite? Fuckers!”

Paint on sleeve of shirt by Ralph Lauren in a color I can’t remember the name of, but the room I painted (as a job for a woman who will only use Ralph Lauren paint) with it looked like pottery clay when it was done.

Jeans (not pictured) off of Ebay in the style cheap with a size of I think these will fit! only to find out that they are too big and I need to get a belt, some suspenders, or gain 20 lbs. .

Dog: One of a kind original German Shepard complete with overbite.