I haven’t been writing about Nathan much, have I? I have been waiting, and watching him quietly lately. He is doing much better in regards to keeping calm when he is angry. He is excelling at his new school. I never thought I’d see the day. I almost feel bad admitting that, but I had given up hope that he would make it through school. I just kept trying to find a place that would work for him, and we did. I told him that he would succeed (even when I didn’t believe it anymore) and that I would never give up on him for as long as I live.

He loves his teachers at the new program. His grades are so high and his test results are outstanding. I always knew he was smart, but I couldn’t get him to believe it. Now his teachers have told him and he believes them. He is making plans for college. He wants to be a pharmacist. I have no idea where that came from but I am still sitting in awe over the changes from this time last year. He talks about his future with a positive outlook.

The other day he walked up to me and just wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. I was feeling a little down and he sensed it. He is taller than I am, a mustache growing on his upper lip. I was blinking back tears when he let go of me and he asked me what was wrong. I told him that I was happy. He rolled his eyes and said, “Girls”.

Over the years, with both of my children, it has been a series of them holding on to me and then learning to let go. I used to call it the ,”I hate you; hold me” stages. I find myself wondering if it continues on as they become adults? I find myself wondering who I am, besides a mother, a daughter, a wife, a sister.