Oh my! I can relate to that…I mean, look where I work? Everyday is like…”really? are you serious? is that the best you got?” The disturbing has no limits when listening to a bunch of teenage/twenty something year old men who have been in Iraq for a year–covered in filth while sporting the “happy sock” in their back pockets and looking like they just got caught humping the neighbors cat–who haven’t seen any more actual female flesh than the occasional arm or leg…maybe a neck depending on the weather. Not a pretty picture…Army chics can be brutal–looking and scary–to look at. Don’t even get me started on the pushing 40 men and their level of disgusting. One of my friends even showed me a book he was reading…about satisfying women. I was thinking…again…oh my. I said…”um…Joe…..it is sweet that you are trying…but really….i’ve never been able to put both of my legs over my head while my arms were tied around my back while wearing a leather harness while baking you a cake and doing your laundry while simultaneously touching your insidey parts while bearing your child, reach around or not.” I don’t know, could be just me.

This is what I have learned. Men are gross in general. Expect any single thing to come out of their mouths, maybe that means they trust me enough to say it, or they are from Arkansas and wouldn’t know a manner if it hit them in their insidey parts–either way.

Oh, and the answer to the “how far south do you go?” The answer to that is simply, “as far as my ego centric, inhibited, paranoid he might like it because it would that mean he could possibly be taking a walk on the “wild side” if you know what I mean?” will go. My philosophy is that “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander!” I want to be the damn GANDER every once in a while dammit! Hee hee.

Loved your post!

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=plumpkin

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=reach+around

J.

I did get the southern border reference, however, and cringed on your behalf because that’s the sort of thing that comes out of my mouth too regularly.

And remember that I come from a Land Downunder. So your slang will differ from ours (if I’m being too blatantly dumb)!