Chantix, day seven. Or six, I can’t remember. Years ago, I had a lovely female psychiatrist who got me started on the road to wellness with the aid of sample boxes from every pharmaceutical rep. she made acquaintance with. She knew that I could barely afford our household expenses at that time, let alone expensive co-pays for name brand meds that hadn’t released generic versions yet, and so she really went out of her way to help me out. She also removed every single package insert from every box she gave me because she believed that if I read those inserts I might be inclined to develop the side effects listed therein. She was a smart woman. How did she know that? She later dumped me over the phone, calming trying to explain that she felt it would be better if I found another doctor, and as I stood there in my kitchen, my legs giving way beneath me, I cried, feeling as if I had been dumped by a boyfriend I still really really wanted to be with.
Anyway, she hasn’t been around me in years, and now I navigate the waters of prescriptions with the inserts intact. I am lucky and blessed even to have good health insurance that makes my pills affordable. When I first started Chantix I skimmed the package insert. I ended up tossing it aside.
The first side effect I noticed was a funny taste in my mouth when I smoked then came a funny smell in my nose. The next day I noticed that a pot of lentil soup I had prepared from scratch tasted so unbearably salty I couldn’t eat it. It had tasted fine the day before. The next day I noticed the unbearable stench of cat piss, as well as a lack of appetite. I blamed all of this on CHANTIX until I realized I had forgotten to clean the cat box. I vowed to quit being ridiculous and went on without another thought until the stomach upset came and I blamed it on hypochondria. Progress!
A few nights later I snuggled into bed and quickly feel asleep. It was time for the deliciously erotic sex dream to begin. I flew to Las Vegas to meet a man. He picked me up in a town car. As we sped along the freeway he joked that I was the only person he knew who would show up in Vegas with only four dollars. I open my purse and sure enough, four bucks are there, nothing else. There was a nervous tension that I ended with the slightest of kisses, short, soft and sweet. When we arrived at the hotel we got into the huge shower and began to lather each other. With our hands we made so many bubbles, there was slippery skin, fingers everywhere, teasing, and waiting. There were those huge soft white robes to climb into. I have always wanted one of those robes.
Next we are on the bed and I was watching us from above, his hands sliding slowly over my body. There were no scars or stretch marks or saggy skin on me. This is dream sex. After pinching me, pulling me, teasing me, I was ready. He slid his hands under my bottom and lifted me to him and…my back went out. No kidding. I threw my back out having sex in my dream. When I woke up my back was throbbing and I could hardly walk. It’s been like this for three days now.
I am writing this from my bed on my stomach because it hurts too much to sit in a chair.
FUCKING DAMN YOU CHANTIX!
P.S. Without even trying, I am smoking about half what I was. I have a callous on my right thumb from flicking my lighter, so that’s really saying something.
Comment by cynthea
February 8, 2008 @ 8:44 pm
Yeah, damn you chantrix.
I quit about a year and a half ago. I did it by sticking patches all over my body until they became my focus instead of the cigarette. They itched. Finally took, though!
Cigarette smoke is JUST starting to smell a little bit acrid to me, now. This crap takes forever.
I’ve read through all your archives, you are A Phenomenal Writer. I’m going to miss reading 6-8 entries at a sitting. Really, your sincerity just grabs me by the throat.
Comment by Tammy
February 9, 2008 @ 4:36 pm
Thank you so much Cynthea. To me it is the highest compliment when someone visits and then takes the time to read my archives. I haven’t even sifted through them, although I need to do some editing. I am glad you’re here and that you commented.
I had forgotten how the patches made me itchy and my skin red.
Tammy
Comment by cynthea
February 9, 2008 @ 6:29 pm
Oh, you’re so welcome. I enjoy your blog so much.
One last thing about the smoking: You know, all my life I’ve heard how Hard it was to quit, how it would be the Hardest thing I’ve ever done, cigarettes were worse that Heroine, yawn.
It wasn’t that hard. If I’d had known how doable the whole thing was I’d have quit years ago.
So good luck with the quitting!
Comment by cynthea
February 9, 2008 @ 6:31 pm
Damn those skanky heroines.
I meant the Horse, the Smack, the Stuff.
Comment by William Broad
February 11, 2008 @ 8:57 am
Sounds like an interesting dream…
Comment by Tammy
February 11, 2008 @ 9:50 am
Interesting is only one word I would use.
Comment by Erin
February 11, 2008 @ 11:10 am
Tammy, good luck with the Chantix. I used it and managed to quit in July. I thought the packaging was a pain in the arse though! You seem like a strong person- I bet you can quit.
I just finished your archives too. Thanks for sharing with us.
Comment by Tammy
February 11, 2008 @ 12:03 pm
Hi Erin. Thank you for reading and commenting. The packaging on Chantix is the dumbest I’ve ever seen. Is it a test, I wonder? This packaging will make you so frustrated you will want to smoke.
Congratulations on quitting.
Comment by Michelle W.
February 11, 2008 @ 10:10 pm
Tammy–
Is this drug JUST for quitting smoking? I am amazed that I have never heard of this…and more amazed that you have these dreams. IN MY ENTIRE LIFE–I have only had one “wet dream”…and it grosses me out to even write “wet dream”. BUT it is true. AND when I had it…I woke up and I was scared to death. I was seriously scared. For one, it was a psycho sex dream, not in any way as wonderful as yours in all your “bubbly” glory. Mine was awful…but apparently this is what it takes for me to have one of these dreams. HENCE the reason I was scared. I mean, JESUS!! In my subconscience I am a total freak!
But it was fantastic….It was almost like the real thing…except I didn’t have to entertain anybody in real life. Hee hee. I have always wanted to have another one too, but never have. You ARE SO LUCKY!!!
As for quitting, it’s not hard. I do it like once a week. (as I chuckle) For instance, I hate the smell that smoking leaves on my hands–it literally makes me sick. It’s even worse to smell it on someone else. I LOVE TO SMOKE…but I hate the smell after the fact. Sometimes I will smell it on someone else and won’t smoke for a week. BUT…like right now….because I am writing…I want to smoke.
Let me ask you? Why do you want to quit? ARe you running a marathon that I am not aware of?
I LOVED YOUR POST! As always…