I awoke Sunday morning to Maggie’s cold nose gently prodding me, this is her way of saying, “Hey get up! I need to go pee.” It was around 6:30. After she had been outside and I had brought her in to prepare her breakfast I remembered that I was out of coffee filters. I was thinking about using a paper towel and cursing myself for not buying one of those reusable coffee filters when I realized that it was so cold in the house I could barely stand it. I went and turned the thermostat on 68 and eyed the couch. Maggie jumped onto it and curled herself into a circle. I decided to join her with a blanket and snuggle up until the house warmed up. Of course I fell asleep.
A few hours later there was a furious banging on the front door. Maggie was barking and spinning in circles and in my confusion I thought that it must be the mailman delivering a package. I always think that I am getting a package, even on Sundays, because I am self centered that way. I stumbled to the window to peek out; I am a paranoid sort who doesn’t open the front door often. I saw my next door neighbor with her two little girls. At this point she was screaming, “911! 911! 911!” I opened the door and she yelled, “Our house is on fire! It started in the basement and it’s spreading to your house. Evacuate now!” I don’t remember what I said to her. I slammed the door in her face and ran to Polly’s door and pounded at it yelling for her to get dressed and get outside. Next I ran to Nathan’s door and did the same thing.
My kids used to ask me if there were a fire in our house and I could only rescue one of them, which one would I rescue. I hate questions like that; there’s no way for a mother to answer them. I always stated that I would rescue them both. The truth was I always knew that it would be Polly who would need to be rescued and she proved that yesterday morning by following me around the house asking questions. “Why do I have to get out of the house? What about the cats; where are the cats? What is happening?” Nathan listened to my instructions clearly without questions. I ran upstairs to wake Alex. He had worked the graveyard shift the night before and was fast asleep in our bed. “Get up!” I told him, “The neighbor’s house is on fire and they say it’s heading for our house!”
He mumbled, “Why do we have to live next door to such stupid fucking people?” and slowly rose from our bed and sauntered out of the room. I was confused and having a panic attack and I literally spun around in a circle trying to figure out what to wear. Not in that “I have a job interview way”, but in the “I am wearing a nightgown what should I do?” way. I pulled on a pair of sweats underneath my nightgown, thinking that was faster than taking everything off and starting over. I grabbed my coat and saw Alex peeking out the window. He was quite literally sauntering around. I couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t running. “You need to calm down”, he said. I grabbed my purse thinking it had everything I needed, money, bank cards, cell phone, cigarettes, tampons, lipgloss, medication for a major panic attack…
We all ended up on the sidewalk in front of our houses, waiting. Alex looked around for flames and sniffed for smoke. My neighbor is chatty under any circumstances; a fire is a whole new world of talk. Speaking a mile a minute she blurted out that she loaded her dryer, turned it on, later smelled smoke and went to her basement to see that her fuse box was on fire. I reassure her that she did the right thing. Her mom walks out of the house, comments dryly on the fact that the fire engines are taking so long, saying, “It’s a good thing the house isn’t on fire or anything.”
I laugh, too loudly. I wonder if it’s OK to smoke while the neighbor’s house is on fire. I finally break down and pull one out. My neighbor sighs, “Oh thank god. Can I have one?” We all light up, except the kids.
The fire engines finally pull up, no sirens. Maybe sirens are reserved for those who live in nicer neighborhoods? Once things are clearly under control my neighbor apologizes for beating on my door like that. “I really thought that it was going to spread to your house!” “It’s OK”, I try to reassure her.
Back inside my house Nathan goes back to bed. Polly goes to pour herself cereal in the kitchen, and Alex is wide awake. Waking up someone who works graveyard is always a difficult call, but I thought that this time was easy. It didn’t even occur to me not to wake him. He asks me, “Did you look out the window before you woke everyone?”
Of course I didn’t! I was thinking that time was of the essence, for fuck’s sake.
Alex asks me if the neighbor’s husband was home. “No, he wasn’t” I remember her mentioning that he was out of town. “If he’d been here, none of this would have happened. Women blow things so far out of proportion.” Alex claims.
Now I am pissed. I tiptoe around all day so as not to wake him. I really believed that this was an emergency.
As he heads back to bed he says one last thing.
“Next time wait until the flames are licking the house to wake me.”
Oh don’t worry, I think. Next time I’ll wait until they’re licking your feet, and then I’ll think about it.
Is this a gender issue? Did I overreact? What do you think?
Comment by Mary
February 11, 2008 @ 6:01 pm
I think you did the RIGHT thing, without question. Better to endure the sniping and griping than to think afterwards “If only I’d woken him/her”
We had a fire in my office one year ago, some people asked if we couldn’t have fought it with the extinguisher, but all my 13 years of annual reminder/updater fire warden training said if you THINK it’s too big or too far advanced, call for help, don’t try to fight the fire. It was a coffee machine that had been recalled but the manufacturer hadn’t told us. Our kitchen was virtually destroyed, the sprinklers did turn on thank goodness, and water did more damage than the fire.
Don’t hesitate - if there’s smoke, call for help, get people out. You did the 100% perfect thing.
Comment by Shelly
February 11, 2008 @ 6:33 pm
I would have done the same thing. Since it isn’t every day someone comes pounding on your door yelling “FIRE!” saying that it’s headed for you, I would tend to believe them. At that point, 15 seconds to look out the window might be the 15 seconds that claimed one of your lives. Yeah it sucked that people had to be woken up and disturbed over what turned out to be nothing, but would you want to chance it? Hell no!
Comment by Annie
February 11, 2008 @ 7:31 pm
I would have done the same thing. MEN, HMPPH!!!
Comment by Belle
February 11, 2008 @ 7:42 pm
Oh, Tammy, I would have done exactly what you did…. including the running around wondering what to put on to go outside. Heh heh.
I work with a bunch of firefighters so I’m going to ask about that “no siren” deal. I doubt it’s because of the neighborhood, but that was a funny comment!
Hubby and I were at a hotel once in the town of the college where son was on a recruiting visit. We had just settled in for the night when there was banging on all the doors with lots of commotion. Seems we were on the floor of their laundry and one of the huge washing machines was on fire. I was lucky to grab some jeans and a sweatshirt, but the hair rollers? I’m grabbing at them trying to get them out as we ran. Good god, can’t be caught in those! It was quite the exciting evening, standing outside in the pouring down rain amongst all the old ladies in their pink bathrobes and rainhats, purses clutched in their hands. It really was kinda scarey, though, so I know how you felt. I never realized just how disorienting it can be to have to leave somewhere that quickly.
It’s possible that Alex had a point - we women maybe do unreasonably project disaster at times, but men? IMHO, they tend to get way too lacksadaisical about safety. Fine, stay there in harm’s way, but I’m gettin’ the hell out! Death by fire? No, thank you.
Comment by Tammy
February 11, 2008 @ 8:41 pm
Thank you! Now if only I could get my male readers to chime in. Do I have many male readers? I doubt it.
Now if I say “Alex?” he says, “What, is the house on fire?”
Comment by Michelle W.
February 11, 2008 @ 10:46 pm
OH TAMMY OH TAMMY OH–
LISTEN! First of all, you can’t ask me that question of overreacting…because apparently…JUST BECAUSE A TORNADO IS KILLING PEOPLE LEFT AND RIGHT LITERALLY RIGHT DOWN THE INTERSTATE FROM MY HOUSE IS NO REASON WHY I—HEARING TORNADO SIRENS FOR 45 MINUTES OUTSIDE OF MY HOUSE–NEED TO BE UPSET! ACCORDING TO THE ONE MAN IN MY LIFE WHO IS THE ONLY ASSHOLE STANDING OUTSIDE WITH A FLASHLIGHT ON HIS HEAD WAITING TO BE STRUCK DEAD BY LIGHTNING WHILE I AM HOVERING WITH MY TEN YEAR OLD IN A TWO X FOUR CLOSET FULL OF EVERY BLANKET/PILLOW/FLASHLIGHT(MINUS THE ONE ON NUMBNUTS HEAD)/BACKPACK FOR TEN YEAR OLD COMPLETE WITH EVERY GAME BOY GAME SHE OWNS AND A PICTURE OF HER FATHER (WHY? I DON’T SEE HIS ASS CRAMMING HER IN THE CLOSET TO SAVE HER LIFE)/TENNIS SHOES WITH SWEAT PANTS UNDER NIGHT GOWN/GRANOLA BARS/ AND OF COURSE A TWELVE PACK OF BEER (YOU NEVER KNOW HOW LONG THOSE THINGS WILL LAST AND i WANT TO BE FULLY PREPARED) PURSE w/ ATM CARDS/ CAR KEYS/ OH AND LET’S NOT FORGET THE TWO DAMN DOGS I JUST FELT COMPELLED TO BRING HOME FROM THE SHELTER. There we were, all crammed in this space…I was sweating like a hooker in church and all I could smell were dog farts and bad breath for an hour but DAMMIT I was protecting my baby!
Of course you didn’t over react. DID he not hear about the 911 call that Fox news covered of the disabled lady who was put on hold by the 911 operator as the flames were engulfing the bed she was lying in and she couldn’t get out…who later died because of the fire? It was terrible. You did what you thought was best at the time…which may or may not have been the complete burning down of your home.
WHY DO MEN ALWAYS DO THIS? MY HUSBAND IS THE EXACT SAME WAY. I have learned to ignore him…I am usually right in the end anyway so to hell with his machoism. I love him, and I’m proud that he is so strong that he can live through an F5 tornado…however, my 48 pound child could not…so he can just get over my neurotic behavior. The bottom line is that you never know. And it is better to be safe than sorry. My aunt burned to death in a house fire when she was ten years old waiting for the damn school bus at the neighbors house at the corner! So, I am not a good person to ask. I am the person who has a plan for everything…to include my next purchase of buying a rope to hang out of my daughter’s window just in case she has to climb down….YES I KNOW….but better safe than sorry.
You did good. AT least you are not saying..”WHY DIDN’T I DO SOMETHING?” and wishing like hell you did. You’re a good MOM!
LOVE YOU TAMMY!!!
Comment by Thursday
February 12, 2008 @ 1:18 am
You did the right thing, you’re family were potentially at risk. Lipgloss? You mentally ran through the fact that you had lipgloss? I’m seriously impressed.
Comment by cbrks12
February 12, 2008 @ 6:51 am
My husband works nights sometimes and I have to make the decision to wake him or not for various issues. It is really hard to determine what is important enough to wake him for and when I err on the side of letting him sleep, it was generally the wrong decision. It is easy to know the answer to the wake or not to wake question after the fact. So saying, I feel like you did the right thing and that his feelings of women over-reacting may be somewhat valid in her case. Since you were not sure what type of fire you were dealing with, you were right to get everyone alert and aware in the house.
Comment by dawn
February 12, 2008 @ 4:53 pm
First of all, I’m new around these parts (your journal) and stumbled my way in on one of your posts where you wrote about him being on vacation, going back to work. I so could relate to exactly what you felt because it’s the same for me and my own Mr. Man.
My husband and I have been married for nearly 22 years, and except for a couple of years, he’s always worked the graveyard shift. So I know well of what you speak when you talk about tiptoeing around. Third-shifters are of a different breed me thinks. My husband refers to us as “day people,” in fact, which never fails to make me laugh.
Although I probably would have looked out the window first to see if there were actually flames inching ir way towards my house, I still think you did the right thing. Chalk up his cranky comments to the graveyard syndrome, as I like to call it. Quite often they say snarky things that they don’t really mean, it’s just the tiredness and the weird sleeping patterns speaking. Have you ever heard the song “Daysleeper,” by R.E.M.? Reminds me of my hubby and all those who make their living by working at night. Have a listen . . .maybe you’ll like
Love your writing. I’m slowly making my way back through your archives. Looking forward to reading more.
Comment by cynthea
February 12, 2008 @ 8:50 pm
I’m with Dawn. Mr. Sleepyhead was grumpy, and you’re safe to take it out on.
Maybe he’d respond better if you coaxed him out of bed with a juicebox and a promise to take him to McDonald’s.
Comment by Brian
March 24, 2008 @ 1:31 pm
I’m waaaaayyyy late on this, but I can offer a guys perspective. In a situation like your neighbors fire, guys are more skeptical, wanting proof of something before being bothered to be bothered. Women are more protective and seem to try and look out for everybody’s safety before they fully know what they’re looking out FOR. (At least I see this in my own dear spouse)
Still - you did the right thing. Or - if you did a wrong thing, it was in the right direction. Would you rather over-react to a false alarm, or under-react to the real thing, hmmm?
Comment by Tammy
March 24, 2008 @ 3:06 pm
Hi Brian,
Thanks for the male perspective. I was hoping someone would chime in with that. I think your explanation is spot on. I still think what I did was right, given the circumstances.Plus, now my husband has something new to tease me about. Who says you can’t spice up a long relationship?
It’s nice to “meet” you.
Tammy