I have been examined by two doctors in the last week. Go ahead and skip this entry if it’s boring to read; I understand.

My back was examined by a specialist. I had to remove all of my clothes and get into one of those gowns with the ties in the back. I wanted to sneak into the cupboard and grab another gown after the nurse left and before the doctor came. I like to wear two, one covering my front, one covering my back. Doctors do not like it when you do this but it makes me feel more comfortable. I realized that I was going to have to let it all hang out as the pain is low, down into my buttocks even. Every time I think of the word buttocks I think of it the way Forrest Gump pronounced it. I left my socks on because it made me feel better wearing them.

The doctor did an exam that consisted of pressing on different parts of me and asking me what hurt. He checked my reflexes and touched me in different places by running his finger across my skin on one side and then the other and asking me if both sides felt the same. He ended up leaning over and pulling off my socks because he needed to check my feet too. I felt like a stupid child for having left them on.

Because I was able to pinpoint the exact spot that hurts so severely he deduced that I probably injured my Sacroiliac Joint. He also thought that it might me two other things, but I can’t really remember the second one because at that moment he was lifting my legs up as I lied on my back. He kept commenting on how tight my muscles are. I was trying to position myself so that I wasn’t exposing myself fully. He said something about possible nerve damage. His third guess was a herniated disk. I asked if I could have an MRI to find out more, but he said that my insurance won’t cover it because I present no signs of neurological symptoms. Basically he said that he was going to treat me for an injury to my Sacroiliac Joint and see if that works. If that doesn’t work he’ll try something else. He also recommended physical therapy once a week. He prescribed several medications. I have to follow up with him in two weeks. I thought of something my grandfather said, “They call it medical practice for a reason.”

I saw my primary care physician later. She told me that she is uncomfortable with my current anxiety level and I said, “If you’re uncomfortable, imagine how I feel.” She put my Paxil up to the highest level you can get and then added in some more prescriptions.

I remembered this one time I was watching “Breaking Bonaduce” and he said that he took enough pills a day to get full from them. I thought it was funny in a sad way and now I am swallowing piles of meds, some of them I have to take three capsules three times a day. The good news is that I am practically pain free except for first thing in the morning. The bad news is that I am so tired, and I am having a hard time forming my thoughts into words and writing them.

I am often tempted to go off the medications all together but I have to remember that I relapse every time. I don’t want to live this way, but the alternative is even worse. I am working on another entry; it’s just taking longer than usual. I thought I would post this update for the people who kindly emailed and asked how I am doing. Thank you to everyone who took the time to email. I was very touched by that.

Hopefully I’ll be able to clear my foggy brain and put together something else to write about besides pills and pain soon.