I haven’t been doing so well as of late. I have been sucked down by depression again and dealing with anxiety that seems out of control. I am also trying to live with what is now constant physical pain and it is not easy. I might turn into one of those people you never ask how they’re doing because they will start with the tale of their aching feet and work their way up the body. I don’t want to be that person.
I struggle with writing here when I am sucked under by depression. I am guessing no one wants to read this shit because it gets old for me too. I have been writing in notebooks, little jotted bits that I plan to put together at a later date, little snippets I try to catch en route to work so that they don’t disappear forever , little snippets I imagine family members trying to decipher if I was ,say, hit by a bus and killed and they later found my scrawling snuffed in my messy purse.
What the fuck does’ “Wish you were here coming from cab radio” mean? Why would she jot down, “Dollar to man downtown who is a guitar hero, picking his way to Europe” ?
I have the next two days off. I need to learn to love myself, not loathe myself. Seemingly impossible. Thanks to those who checked in via email. This is all part of life and I am forward now, moving on, moving on.
' March 9th, 2009 at 09:10am 6 comments
Constant physical pain is wearing and depressing in itself. Indeed, you need to learn to love yourself – others already do.
Damn. Sorry to hear that you aren’t feeling so hot. I’ll be sending good thoughts your way. We’ll be here when you are ready to post again. Maybe it’s time to go to the back dr. again and demand…well…something! Have you tried a pain clinic with the epidurals? No one should have to have the life sucked out of them because they don’t feel well. Seriously.
Hi Tammy, I’m sorry to hear things are so tough for you right now. But I know you’re a tough lady too (I mean that as a compliment) and you’ll get through this.
I write free as well so have notebooks full of crazy shit, but writing on a single scrap of paper is that bit more enigmatic. Your family might start to suspect you are a Soviet spy =)
Take care of you, and love you, and put those feet up tomorrow.
Hello Sarah! I have noticed that you have been quiet and infrequent at Isabel’s and Joseph’s lately. I had a feeling that things weren’t right.
I do not know about depression, but I know about the pain. If one suffers depression, I have no doubt that pain can help bring it on.
If it makes you feel any better talking about the pain, don’t worry about talking about it. Anyone would rather listen, and hope it helps, than have you suffer in silence.
Try to get a lot of sleep. And then some more.
XO
HO
These cycles SUCK, don’t they? I’m thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way.
We’re all here to listen to you – don’t be afraid to talk to us. We respect and support you.
J
Sarah! I can’t bear the thought that you’re so unhappy. Is there anything I can do?
You are so dear, and so sweet, and so kind, and so talented. You have a beautiful soul. Life can be painful at times, but please don’t ever forget how wonderful it is, too.
You have no idea how much you mean to everyone who knows you. Holden is right — get some rest! And talk, talk, talk. It’s so good to just let it all out.
Love you!
Isabel