I didn’t mean to not write much last week, it just turned out that way. The kids were on Spring Break and it seems that the week just flew by, as school holidays do sometimes. In addition to trying to keep two kids occupied, something that has become easier with Nathan over the years as he is able to occupy himself more and more, and harder with Polly, as she is more prone to whining about boredom and complaining that she isn’t being taken to Maui or France during the holiday or whatever her wealthier classmates are doing.
One of my Mom’s friends had asked if my Mom knew anyone who could come over and do some work for her. My Mom of course recommended Nathan, one who’s known not only for his willingness to work hard for hours for little to no pay, but also one who seems to enjoy it when the mood in his head is right. He headed over to her house on Tuesday morning and spent the day doing yard work. Usually not one to complain, I was surprised when he came home with a wad of money and a foul attitude. Although he stated that this woman was indeed very nice, I guess she worked him a little harder than he was accustomed to and his back was hurting and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to return. She called and left a message asking what day and time he would be willing to work again and I left the decision up to him. He decided against making extra cash, a decision that surprised both his father and me. After giving the matter some thought I decided to offer up myself for the job. It’s not that I was in any way desperate for the money; I was more inclined to feeling that a good day of work for some money that I myself had earned would be good for my self esteem.
Thursday my sister had planned to take Polly for the day so that she could spend some time with my two nieces. I called and arranged to work that day. The woman was surprised as she felt that I was offering because I felt guilty that Nathan didn’t want to come back. I assured her that I indeed did want the job. Nathan warned me that I was about to take on the hardest job I’d ever encountered in my life, something I found comical given the jobs I’ve held in the past and their backbreaking suckage.
The day turned out to be a long hard day of gardening, something I’ve done many times both for our yard and my Mom’s. I felt no pain as I went along and stopped only once at the insistence of the woman (whom I shall call June) so that we could have some lunch. I found the opportunity to have someone new to talk with very pleasant. I have only met June once or twice over the years as she has traveled and lived all over the world for her husband’s job. She has a PhD and two daughters she and her husband adopted overseas, now grown. She asked me a number of questions about myself and I felt a little uncomfortable divulging my details and so I kept my answers honest, yet short and sweet. I tried a number of times to manipulate the conversation away from me but she was too savvy for such tactics. I tried to show her that I could work just as hard if not harder than my 15 year old son and by the end of the day her yard really looked lovely.
As the end of the work day approached and I went inside to collect my things and to go through the awkward process of getting paid (I hate discussions regarding what is essentially my worth as a worker) she sat me down to share a Pepsi and a thirty minute conversation. Throughout the day, gleaning from my short answers and whatever she already knew about me from my Mother, she had developed what she felt was a good plan for my future. I wasn’t surprised, I had already surmised that she was a strong woman who spoke her mind bluntly, and I listened carefully to what was in actuality wonderful advice about carving out time for myself for my own personal needs, demanding that I be treated fairly and kindly by those around me, and not being afraid to take the steps I’ve been avoiding for so long to ensure a better future for myself. She had correctly pinpointed the fact that I am afraid, although I never said the words.
I went home tired and dirty but feeling generally positive about myself. One of the few things I have had going for me over the years has been my work ethic, and as I had guessed before I made the call, spending a day working was good for my psyche. I am not sure if she will call to have me work again. She mentioned needing someone to come and help her sort through boxes of things in her basement and I told her that I would be willing to help. I have spent so many years doing similar work with my Mom it almost sounds easy. It’s always easier for me to deal with other people’s accumulated boxes.
I have been trying to put some of what she told me into practice, things I already knew but must have needed to be reminded of, like it’s okay to take some time out for myself. Today I soaked in the tub and when I finished took the time to massage my entire body with a silky lotion. It may sound like nothing to some, but other readers might understand what it’s like to have the tendency to sacrifice yourself and your needs and desires during the process of caring for others. Hopefully I will remember to take a little time for myself each day without guilt.

